Science Fiction Microstory Contest discussion
JANUARY 2024 SCIENCE FICTION MICROSTORY CONTEST (Critiques only)
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Nice pacing and humor. Could use perhaps a bit deeper/more-felt characterization of one of the main characters, but the humor and a sense of this world/society works may be enough. Strengthen/sharpen the final sentence.
"A Taste of Evil"An alien named Delvis is assigned to observe Earth throughout it's violent human history, ultimately taking on the guise of an advisor to the latest tyrant and offering his host body as a mirror to the sight of the tyrant's own beastly nature.
What I liked: The intro was well written, easy reading and the philosophy was clearly presented.
What would make it stronger: If the same things I liked were reduced to make room for more narrative with more insight into the tyrant's personality.
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"By the People"
A large gathering for a galactic election is observed by two election monitors, who notice an arguing pair of humans among the crowd.
What I liked: the almost-useless, high-tech nanite fogs, and the exchanging of glyphs in conversation, an interesting concept similar to our earthbound emojis that could have a variety of uses with dialogue.
What could make it stronger: More of a complete story as this seems more like the intro to a story, but still fun to read.
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"The Zryllian Political System, A Field Study"
An Earthling studies an advanced alien culture of great intelligence and practicality that has made their world a social paradise, putting our own, grubby Earth politics to shame, but in a Serlingesque twist, their example may be hard to follow, and swallow.
What I liked: The parody on the cliche of advanced, peaceful alien societies works very well, leading to a twist that depends on our gut reaction, what our nature tells us is abhorrent.
What could make it stronger: I think more than one Earthling offering differing reactions to the alien society would make it more interesting if it were expanded.
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"For All Mankind"
Aliens arrive at the UN to offer Earth membership in a galactic commonwealth. Refusal would cause our annihilation but they never told the earthlings the serious cost of acceptance.
What I liked: the descriptions and dialogue are fluid and clear.
What would make it stronger: Probably more plot complexity as the story resolved very quickly.
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"Singularity (part 1)"
A "controlled" fusion reaction in China shifts the earth's core, creating multiple natural disasters and eventual slowdown of the earth's rotation, and the deaths of billions.
What I liked: Hopping around the U.S. to witness the various outcomes of the reaction. That could easily expand to more character development of the witnesses.
What would make it stronger: More of a plot with characters dealing with challenges instead of just witnessing, and maybe returning to the Chinese location at the end.
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"Planet of the Pink People"
Astronauts from Earth discover a planet that from a distance looks very much like our own though on closer inspection may be some sort of trap.
What I liked: The given-and-take between the astronauts and the descriptions of the planet were very vivid.
What would make it stronger: More clarity on what was going on immediately, like the newspaper headline. The blue suits and red dresses could have been remarked upon earlier as that would be a noticeable detail.
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"Training Day"
In a world of superheroes and super villains, the last day of customer service training for a villain supplier includes an impromptu demonstration of a device that whisks failed candidates to a less interesting timeline/universe.
What I liked: Exposition done entirely through dialogue is done well, naturally. The plot device sounds like every employer's dream.
What would make it stronger: More dialogue tagging and maybe names instead of numbers to give a stronger sense of place.
By The PeopleA comical vignette told in cosmic overview of a galactic conference representing many different sentient lifeforms and systems of government. Two observers compare various systems and at the end are surprised to see an Earth delegation in the mix. They regard Earth as odd for having so many different forms of government and wonder if humanity is looking for one more.
What I liked: Clearly realized setting. Excellent and imaginative alien imagery, comical dialogue which made creative use of bizarre alien natures and devices.
What could have been stronger: A more compelling plot. Less telling, more showing of events. Nothing actually happened. The cosmic overview approach covered a lot of material but did not hold my attention very effectively.
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The Zryllian Political System, A Field Study
An observer from Earth delivers a report on the governmental system of an alien society in a series of entries. The observer points out a number of parallels between the Earth and alien systems of government before explaining the key difference that the aliens amass an inter-generational body of wisdom by eating the brains of their forbears and political predecessors. In the end, the aliens confine humanity to Earth with a warning to stay out of the galaxy.
What I liked: Interesting idea. The humor in several of the entries made it enjoyable and kept it moving.
What could have been stronger: More of a pronounced emotional reaction from the narrator/POV. More in the way of character definition, to make the POV more than just a disembodied narrative voice.
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For All Mankind
Two alien delegates visit Earth to oversee humanity’s entry into a galactic commonwealth of civilizations. One alien expresses grave misgivings, suggesting humanity is too violent and power-hungry to be trusted. The two visitors reluctantly bring a gift to mankind in presiding over the initiation ceremony at the U.N. The story ends in a violent twist as the “gift” turns out to be a death ray machine which kills all the national delegates, liberating humanity from the tyranny of their former heads of state. The “gift” is not well received and is met with military retaliation. The aliens are baffled by this ungrateful response and destroy the Earth.
What I liked: Good idea delivered with a good surprise twist. Good dialogue and progression of plot.
What could have been stronger: More pronounced emotional reaction from the POV. Lighter on the wordage. Some physical description and moves to make the two main characters more visible, more palpable.
**
Kafifi
A time agent from the future is sent into the past to prevent the birth of a fascist dictator. He arrives too late. The future dictator is already a toddler. The time agent is faced with a moral dilemma. Is it justifiable to kill an innocent child to prevent the destruction of freedom in the future? He decides to return to the future without fulfilling his mission. He finds he has succeeded after all by accidentally causing the death of the child’s abusive father. Absent dad’s destructive influence, the child grows up unknown to history and the fascist regime never happens.
What I liked: Excellent setting and description; feeling, idiosyncrasy, emotion. I felt I was there. The use of the doll was effective (reminded me of “Rosebud” from Citizen Kane). Insertion of a societal quip on racism was an effective and useful device.
What could have been stronger: A clearer description of events explaining the protagonist’s final decision and his return to the future. It could have been clearer and more potent.
**
Singularity (part 1)
A series of apocalyptic vignettes from a variety of personal and cultural viewpoints, chronicling the apocalyptic failure of an experimental Chinese fusion reactor. At the end, the narrative shifts back and forth between personal points of view and cosmic overview. The closing narrative is a beautiful and melancholy scene of Earth’s final sunset.
What I liked: The detail of the various witnesses; personal idiosyncrasies and quirks. A good random sampling of humanity at its end.
What could have been stronger: A bit too much technical detail in the opening segment and too little emotional reaction. Character definition was largely eclipsed by tech talk.
**
Planet of the Pink People
A spaceship crew investigates the mysterious appearance of what is apparently an alien civilization on a planet where only a small human colony is supposed to exist. Landing and anticipating a pleasant visit, the crew finds a strangely empty Earth-like city. They soon discover the city is inhabited by what is apparently a race of living mannequins; faceless, featureless pseudo-people who function as a monolithic mockery of humanity. The dummy humanoids begin absorbing the crew into their faceless mass. A crumpled newspaper page mentions that an alien visitor apparently promised unity and was believed. The crew is doomed.
What I liked: The image of a fake humanity was effective. The apparent allegorical image of political “unity” as dead and faceless was haunting (at least, that’s how I read it.)
What could have been stronger: Clearer explanation of the set-up. How the situation came about was a bit vague.
**
TRAINING DAY
The last few applicants for a sales force take the final test to see who survives and gets the position and who doesn’t. The story apparently takes place in a comic-book world of superheroes and villains. The salesmen are apparently selling super weapons to supervillains. Those who don’t make the cut are sent into their past lives (apparently in what we call the real world) with no memory of what happened to them.
What I liked: Good dialogue, ominous set-up and unusual concept.
What could have been stronger: More action; more show, less tell. More visual events to illustrate the concept.
Element: Transfer of Power (Peaceful or Not)
We have Democracies, Theocracies, Oligarchies, Royal Families and Dictatorships. What other systems of government could be out there? Do other races crave power or loathe it? What do they think of the human solution?