Science Fiction Microstory Contest discussion
August 2023 SCIENCE FICTION MICROSTORY CONTEST (Critiques only)
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"History Unveiled" by Carrie ZylkaA powerfully delivered, pointed narrative of idealistic historians fighting to expose the truth of history despite the efforts of a repressive government.
The opening line is both a great hook and a succinct and effective summation.
From there, the narrative proceeds like a journal entry, reminiscent of 19th century literature. No scenes or faces, yet the narrator's 1st person recollections are heartfelt and effective, connecting the reader to the story as it flows logically from beginning to middle to end.
It is in some respects more like a blurb than a story, but it works because the phrasing makes it work. The language is melodramatic and forceful, effectively building suspense even though we're reading a history of general events instead of actually experiencing individual moments.
It builds up to a crushingly tragic finish that feels like the rug is pulled from under us at the last second; a pessimistic finish that has the sad ring of truth.
The imagined world is never actually seen, but the message is both timely and timeless.
It held me straight through. My compliments.
"MEMORY RECONDITIONING" by Chris NanceAn entertaining tale of a post-human civilization digging up the remains of humanity.
Reminiscent of "Planet of the Apes," the story is told from the POV of an android archaeologist piecing together evidence of a long-dead human civilization while pestered and threatened by impatient bureaucrats and ideological politicians.
The archaeologist's work takes him into a long-buried subterranean vault where irrefutable evidence is found that humanity created the first robots and was then exterminated by them. A fact the robot government fears and erases the archaeologist's memory to suppress.
It is presented as a dialogue, focusing first on the discovery of a radio as a curious relic, and ending with a rusted door at the end of a musty catacomb leading to a long abandoned robot factory, with family photos and cheesy posters depicting humans as ambitious creators, not purely evil pests deserving of extermination.
The images are effective and the dialogue endearing. It gets the message across, the POV character depicted as a naive, innocent academic who quickly learns the futility of trying to get the truth past a conservative administration.
It perhaps proceeded a bit too quickly from beginning to inescapable conclusion; a straight line, no turns. Perhaps if a few technical lab details were omitted, it would have left more time for conflict and a less certain finish. Overall, I enjoyed it.
"A Statue of Providence"by Jeremy Lichtman
A brief vignette dealing with the timely controversy of the government removing historical statues in the interest of sending the right message to future generations.
A small town mayor debates the issue with the government official who's decided a local statue must go. The statue apparently has no historical significance; it appears it's being destroyed for the sake of a public demonstration - of what is not made clear. The mayor argues it will only vilify society in the eyes of posterity by the act of a repressive government destroying local art. The government official gives no clear response but seems to be saying that's the point.
I may be missing something here, but this one left me a bit perplexed.
The POV shifted back and forth a bit, and the dialogue consisted of philosophical debate, with neither character seeming to have any personal stake or deep emotional investment in the controversy.
I'd be very interested in seeing how others perceived this story.
"The Asian League" by Jot RussellAn interestingly conceived near-future espionage action adventure about an international secret agent who keeps getting a new lease on life as his brain keeps getting transplanted into new bodies after he gets killed on one dangerous mission after another. His current mission is to infiltrate an Asian dictatorship and steal records which expose former atrocities and lead to the planned assassination of the Asian despot.
I thought the opening scene was unnecessary. The premise was intriguing and the one action scene well choreographed (I liked the morbid humor about acquiring new bodies, as they are expensive) but I would have liked to see more in the way of emotional reaction and feeling; something that would have put me in the POV character's skin, especially during the action part. Possibly, experiencing a resurrection would have helped a lot. (Though, the part about the bullet wound helped.) The POV was not very strong at times, and I thought the closing scene was also unnecessary, as it omitted the POV character entirely. The reason for the assignment perhaps should have been delivered in the course of the story.
Mod
Mod
Critique of The Last Goodbye, by Tom Olbert
Persephone Minor, a binary planet closer in toward the center of the galaxy, is the site an archeological dig where the story takes place. Tom outlines the scene well and that of two primary characters on either side of a view of human expansion and domination. David has the government authority and resources to push his agenda of human domination, even beyond even that of the life of his once friend, Henry, who is a mere scientist whose goal for him and his students at the site is to build stronger human-alien relationships through exposing the truth. That relationship protects Henry and his students, switching the danger to that of David and his military assassins. Nice representation of the scene, plot, characters and ending. Another good work of writing.
Why? by Justin SewallA well-envisioned and well-delivered tragic vignette of a soldier sent into a backwater to witness a genocide.
The somber death-shroud-like atmosphere is well established by a driving rain and a train of the condemned driven down a muddy road. The protagonist's mission is unclear at first. There is enough action and obstacles to keep the story moving up to the tragic finish. Turns out the POV character is there only as an observer, disallowed by law to intervene in the genocide. The closing line is perfect and brings the heart-wrenching tragedy of the human condition home like a bullet to the gut.
It may violate a cardinal rule by making the protagonist more observer than active agent, but it gets the point across. Nations standing by impotently as tyrants commit mass murder happens in real life. There is no hero coming to save the condemned. The power is there, but not the will, not the integrity. History grinds on over the bodies of the innocent because the free world lets it happen.
Tom: Don't have anything particularly useful that would help improve your story.In a (much) longer story, more background on the aliens might help, particularly their anatomy and how they're able to "take over" humans. Obviously can't fit in 750 words.
Thanks Tom for the review, I really appreciate your feedback!Under our reciprocity rule, do we all have to write reviews of Tom's story?
That seems like orbital overkill if we all do.
Looking for some guidance here.
I've always felt review from several viewpoints is helpful in getting perspective on a story.As I've said before, I miss the days when reviews were common in this group.
Mod
It's not required, but it is listed in the rules as "expected":
From Rule 8c:
Writers who have their story critiqued by another writer are expected to provide a critique (however small) of the other's story.
Review of “The Last Goodbye” by Tom OlbertOne of the first things I liked about this story is how the opening three sentences set the stage so quickly and efficiently. They are still descriptive, but it gets the story going fast. I immediately get a sense of place while purpose follows after in the next section. The two main protagonists, David and Henry are also effectively thumbnail sketched. As I reread the story, I could not help but feel a little understanding towards David’s position, even though he was clearly the “bad guy”. To do that in such a short amount of words demonstrates very effective story-telling. Of course it is wrong that David is about to massacre his old friend and his students for the sake of his narrow-minded, human-centric ideology, but he is not the type of “moustache twirling” villain that is so cliché.
The turnabout of course is unexpected yet continues moving the story along briskly, delivering David’s comeuppance. I think Tom enjoys using more Lovecraftian-type creatures with tentacles and claws, as they have featured prominently in other stories he has written over the years, although these specific aliens reminded me of the ones in “The Hidden”. Excellent use of the monthly theme and required elements.
Tom wrote: "I've always felt review from several viewpoints is helpful in getting perspective on a story.As I've said before, I miss the days when reviews were common in this group."
Review posted!
Jot wrote: "Justin> Under our reciprocity rule, do we all have to write reviews of Tom's story?It's not required, but it is listed in the rules as "expected":
From Rule 8c:
Writers who have their story crit..."
Review posted!
Thank you so very much, Justin! That was a very meticulous and well-written review. I realize you have a busy schedule and don't always have time to post reviews (I know a lot of people in the group don't) - but, I hope you find the time now and again - you're very good at it.
Required Elements:
1) Destroying historical evidence
2) Denying unpleasant truth