YA Fantasy Query, 297 words, :0

[Fyri]

"Cut me open
Make me new
What does this query
Do for you?"
XD ;P <3

(If this also interests you, I am seeking beta readers for the 7th Draft right now!)

Dear ______

[Personalization]

THE LOST ELEMENTALIST is a YA Crossworlds Fantasy novel largely inspired by the worldbuilding and characters of Avatar: TLA with a protagonist like Tangled's Rapunzel and a world tainted by dark magic.

Selenia Ki is tired of dealing with her overprotective mother. First, she's grounded from her friends "forever" because she was barely late coming home one night, and then her mom threatens to move away and homeschool her after a strange windstorm tears down their mundane Colorado house. Curious and desperate for a life of her own choosing, Selenia runs away.

Lost in the wild, Selenia hopes to find magic in the world and herself, but chasing magic leads her to an all new danger. Raith is Selenia's counterpart, naturally born without elemental powers in a world reliant on them. Fifty years ago, he changed his fate through ancient, dark means. Now, he leads a war to rewrite his world. For reasons unknown, he seeks Selenia.

Selenia is in love with magic and the world she's discovered, but she will now have to face the consequences of every reckless choice she makes. Will she be strong enough to face the world and Raith, or will her own inner demons tear her apart first?

At 104K words, The Lost Elementalist examines the strength and boundaries of platonic, romantic, and self love through dark times. An #ownvoices novel from female and ADHD experiences, this story also features a cast of varying ethnicities and neurotypes. Aimed at 12-18 year olds, it is perfect for fans of the Grishaverse, the Effigies, The Poppy War, or Codex Alera--or anyone that needs more Sokka energy and Iroh kindness in their lives.

If this interests you, I have the full manuscript ready at request.

Thank you for considering me,

N.K. Valek

[Annie]

**Keep in mind I am BRAND NEW to querying, and all I know so far is what I've read from agents and authors. Take anything I say with a huge grain of salt!**

THE LOST ELEMENTALIST is a YA Crossworlds Fantasy Could be wrong - maybe double-check - but the genres should probably be lowercased? novel largely inspired by the worldbuilding and characters I'd cut out "worldbuilding and characters" and just say "Inspired by," just so it doesn't seem *too* inspired of Avatar: TLA with a protagonist like Tangled's Rapunzel and a world tainted by dark magic. Cool!

Selenia Ki is tired of dealing with her overprotective mother. While I like this opening paragraph, do you have a snappy hook to begin on? Just to grab the agent's attention before you begin? First, she's grounded from her friends "forever" because she was barely late coming home one night, and then her mom threatens to move away and homeschool her after a strange windstorm tears down their mundane Colorado house. Curious and desperate for a life of her own choosing, Selenia runs away. Good job inserting what I'd guess is your character's voice with a bit of sarcasm. I like how you subtly suggest that there's more to the windstorm without being too obvious.

Lost in the wild, Selenia hopes to find magic in the world and herself, but chasing magic leads her to an all new danger. Is this a world where magic is known? If so, it might be good to mention it, so it makes her motivation clearer. Because if not, choosing to get lost in the wild and leaving her mom seems a bit of an overreaction. Raith is Selenia's counterpart, naturally born without elemental powers in a world reliant on them. Hm, does that mean she's an elemental? It hasn't been specifically mentioned, yet. I like the dichotomy, though. Fifty years ago, he changed his fate through ancient, dark means. Now, he leads a war to rewrite his world. For reasons unknown, he seeks Selenia. If possible, could these sentences provide a bit more detail? They say not to be too vague in the query, so the agent knows the stakes, and what makes your story special. Unless the "reasons unknown" are only revealed in the last part of the book, I'd like to know why he wants her.

Selenia is in love with magic and the world she's discovered, How does she and Raith meet? Is she portaled to his world, or does he arrive in hers? but she will now have to face the consequences of every reckless choice she makes. Will she be strong enough to face the world and Raith, or will her own inner demons tear her apart first? I'd really like to know the specific stakes involved. I'm intrigued by "she must face the consequences of every reckless action she makes" but more specificity would be great.

At 104K words, VERY humble suggestion, but if it's at all possible, could it be shaved down to under 100K? Many agents are really weary of debuts over 100K. I've been told by fellow writers that if you end up signing with an agent, it's possible that you can up the wordcount again once they fall in love with your book. The Lost Elementalist examines the strength and boundaries of platonic, romantic, and self love through dark times. I've been told not to add themes in a query, maybe strike this sentence? An #ownvoices novel from female and ADHD experiences, Love it! this story also features a cast of varying ethnicities and neurotypes. Aimed at 12-18 year olds, You can cut this, you already mentioned it being a YA fantasy at the beginning - they mainly want the genre and subgenre it is perfect for fans of the Grishaverse, the Effigies, The Poppy War, or Codex Alera--or anyone that needs more Sokka energy and Iroh kindness in their lives. This is probably too many comp titles, especially given you named a couple at the start. Any more than 2 is pushing it, from what I've been told, and usually they want books. If A:TLA is a huge influence, is it possible you could name that one and one/two books that fits your book best?

Overall, I think you probably captured the heart and tone of your book, so that's awesome. My main suggestion would be to provide more details that make your story unique - what happened 50 years ago? What is the dark magic? Why does he need the main character? Because these elements are so common in fantasy, you want to show why yours is different.

You mentioned you're looking for some beta readers, and I'd be interested in reading your book! :) I have a YA book at 99K, and have gone through several rounds of revisions as well, so it's fairly polished at this point. Let me know if you're down for a swap.

Best of luck! :)

[Fyri]

Thank you so much! I will look into these suggestions.

You have a fair point in vagueness. I also know that agents dont need to know everything in a query--just enough to entice them and tell them it's marketable. The synopsis is where I will tell all the secrets for sure. Though, mayhaps I'm being too vague here.

Haha! You are probably right on the number of comps. XD I worked so hard to find some and now I just want to throw them all down.

Hmm, I'm trying to think of another word for "inner demons". It's partly her insecurities, but also like faults, like she's too naive, curious, excited, but she's also a flight-risk, afraid of abandonment, and selfish. She learns to confront or better manage all of these qualities. I'm not sure what to call this. Hmm...

Ahhh, I would love to do a swap, but I can't promise I would get very far right now. I just moved to a new place and my brain is frazzled, so I dont trust myself to be able to give you complete feedback in a timely manner right now. I'm so sorry. Thank you so much for offering though!

I can give you query or synopsis feedback though, if you have anything, in exchange for what you've already done here! ;D

[Annie]

Fyri wrote: "Thank you so much! I will look into these suggestions.

You have a fair point in vagueness. I also know that agents dont need to know everything in a query--just enough to entice them and tell the..."

Oh for sure, you don't want to give away everything. It's really hard to find that sweet spot between enticing them and bombarding them with details haha. And no worries about the swap, thanks for getting back to me! :)

I did post my own query on here, and would appreciate any feedback, given I'm new to this. Thanks for the offer! Link here:
https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/...