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it reminds me of a boy who i used to “”””date”””” and i was super into him and he clearly not
so when taylor sings “all that i know is that i don’t know how to be something you miss” make me cry a little too much

more specifically i'd like to talk about "i rewind the tape but all it does is pause on the very moment all was lost". this verse is beyond amazing and every time i hear it it makes me reflect on the different versions of ourselves we are in other people's heads (especially those we no longer relate to). it's just that i think about my ex friend and i think about the idea she now has about me in her head. i mean, i was so different when we were still friends and many of my tastes and opinions have changed drastically. but she probably keeps that version of me vital, since it was the last one she knew. and even i think of her as the one she was, but is no longer. surely she is not the same as she was back then so how unfair it would be to feel resentment for a person (or version of her) that no longer exists, right?
anyway, I like that verse because every time I reminisce about that friendship it's as if the memories are a tape that I'm rewinding and that has its end in the last of our interactions. "I rewind the tape but all it does is pause on the very moment all was lost".

“ My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand //
Taking mine, but it's been promised to another” - ivy
to me, this is like the classic pining for a woman who doesn’t know about your identity or is in a relationship.
and pretty much everything in gold rush is captures how it feels to fall for a friend, not wanting to anticipate it happening but noticing it fall into place (like dominoes)

to me it also captures how the eating disorder kept on taking and taking all the while manipulating me into staying and thinking it wanted the best for me, telling me i was strong, brave, etc.
“And I can go anywhere I want
Anywhere I want, just not home
And you can aim for my heart, go for blood
But you would still miss me in your bones
And I still talk to you (when I'm screaming at the sky)
And when you can't sleep at night (you hear my stolen lullabies)
I didn't have it in myself to go with grace
And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves
You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same
Cursing my name, wishing I stayed
You turned into your worst fears”

that's so interesting, i'd never before thought of it in that context but you're so right!






The other song is "long story short". I left the dark place. I still have depressive episodes but they're nothing compared to those I had years before. I feel alive in a certain way and I'm totally different from who I was before, for sure. That's why "long story short I survived" hits hard on me.

im so very glad to hear you're doing better <3




so with marjorie, soon you'll get better and cornelia street i feel specially identifed, my dad died of cancer when i was 8 and it changed me in soo many ways. i still fighting with depression and anxiety because of that.
forever & always and the story of us reminds me of my past best friend that suddenly just changed me for my other friend so.. yeah.
this is me trying is just the definition of my whole life lol.
nothing new omg my cheecks literally turn red for EVERYTHING and i'm freaking insecure because of that, also i've got and still have a lot of insecurities growing up since 7. i feel like i was treated like i should be strong and not perfect but as close to it as i could.
"i've never been a natural, all i do i try try try" so as i said my dad died when i was really young and my whole family like attendend my mom a LOT and kinda forgot about me and my lil brother, so i've been looking after him a looot and didn't take care of me at all. so when i tried to i realised i didn't know myself and i kinda lost my personality along the years so yeah. also makes me think about when we are all grown people and taylor still being our very old mom and omg i suffer a lot about it.
for example, i know "coney island" is allegedly about taylor's exes but i find meaning in it about my relationship with my dad. or "evermore" reminds me a lot of a best friend i used to have and our current relationship.
feel free to share yours! :)