***SEPTEMBER 2021 SCIENCE FICTION MICROSTORY CONTEST (Critiques Only)***

[Thaddeus]

To help polish our skills and present a flavour of our art to other members in the group, I am continuing this friendly contest for those who would like to participate. There is no money involved, but there is also no telling what a little recognition and respect might generate. The rules are simple:

1) The story needs to be your own work and should be posted on the goodreads (GR) Discussion board, which is a public group. You maintain responsibility and ownership of your work to do with as you please. You may withdraw your story at any time.

2) The stories must be 750 words or less.

3) The stories have to be science fiction, follow a specific theme and potentially include reference to items as requested by the prior month's contest winner.

4) You have until midnight EST on the 22nd day of the month to post your story to the GR Science Fiction Microstory Contest discussion. One story per author per month.

5) After, anyone from the LI Sci-Fi group or the GR Science Fiction Microstory Discussion group has until midnight EST of the 25th day of the month to send me a single private vote (via GR or to author.jotrussell@gmail.com) for a story other than their own. This vote will be made public once voting is closed. Voting, and reading each story before voting, is required. If you do not vote, your story will be disqualified from the contest. You don't need a qualifying story to cast a vote, but you must offer the reason for your vote if you don’t have an entry.

6) To win, a story needs at least half of the votes, or be the only one left after excluding those with the fewest votes. Runoffs will be run each day until a winner is declared. Stories with vote totals that add up to at least half, discarding those with the fewest votes, will be carried forward to the next runoff election. Prior votes will be carried forward to support runoff stories. If you voted for a story that did not make it into the runoff, you need to vote again before midnight EST of that day. Only people who voted in the initial round may vote in the runoffs.

7) Please have all posts abide by the rules of GR and the LI Sci-Fi group.

8) For each month, there will be three discussion threads:

a) Stories - For the stories and the contest results only.

b) Comments - For discussions about the stories and contest. Constructive criticism is okay, but please avoid any spoilers about the stories or degrading comments directed towards any individuals. If you want to suggest a change to the contest, feel free to start a discussion about the idea before making a formal motion. If another member seconds a motion, a vote can be held. I will abstain from voting, but will require a strong two-thirds majority to override my veto.

c) Critiques - Each member can provide at most one critique per story, with a single rebuttal by the author to thank the critic and/or comment to offer the readers the mind set of the story to account for issues raised by the critique. Critiques should be of a professional and constructive manner. Feel free to describe elements that you do and don't like, as these help us gain a better perspective of our potential readers. Remarks deemed inflammatory or derogatory will be flagged and/or removed by the moderator.

9) The winner has THREE days after the start of the new month to make a copy of these rules and post a new contest thread using the theme/items of their choosing. Otherwise, I will post the new contest threads.

Jot Russell

Contest Creator/Director

SEPTEMBER THEME: a (terrifying/transformative) secret

SEPTEMBER ELEMENTS:
an addict (the addiction is up to you, there can be more than one addict)
a nation, (a tribe, culture, civilization, nation-state, star system, galaxy, go nuts)
problem-solving (or the failure there of)

This should be a wide enough array of parameters for a host of stories. I know we usually specify "science fiction" but I would like to open the array to "speculative fiction" meaning the stories can range across the spectrum of the fantastical from humble magical realism to star-spanning space opera. I look forward to this month's creativity. Good luck!

[Tom]

The Ninth Challenge
by Jot Russell

Potent action, effective suspense. Daring but smoothly executed switching of POV. Great build-up to the climax, effective moral messaging and a great twist at the end to drive the message home. Well done.

(The editing could have been a bit more careful in correcting grammatical errors, but otherwise great.)

[Tom]

EX-IGNIS
by Jeremy Lichtman

Unconventional telling of story as script, letting visual images do most of the work.

Odd, and memorable. It held my attention. The images were well executed and got the job done.

[Jeremy]

Thanks Tom. I initially tried writing it as a more normal narrative, but had a lot of difficulty getting it to come together that way though.

[Jot]

Thanks Tom. I'll have to look for those typos.

[Paula]

--Justin, I had pretty much the same reaction that Thaddeus had to your story's last line. Up to there, it was a terrific piece.
--Jeremy, the script style worked superbly for your story. Good having stories here in nonconventional form--especially when they work so well.

[J.F.]

"Caroline" by Tom Olbert
Visually striking scenes as a young woman is denied sovereignty over her body by different factions. It's not clear to me what actually happened before the last scene but the allegory is clear. I am not so sure the solution would actually solve the problem as these matters are about deeper issues, in my opinion, but let's see how things turn out once the tech gets there.

"The Ninth Challenge"by Jot Russell
Plenty of detailed action drives this story about trials of passage. Action is not very easy to write and though this is better than I could do, I found the amount of detail a little cumbersome as I strained to picture everything clearly.

"Ex Ignis" by Jeremy Lichtman
Interesting use of script format to cover a lot of exposition in few words. I have a fondness for screenplays as I read a lot of them, along with plays, in high school (it was a phase I was going through) and this was well done. But the story seems incomplete as it was not cleary established, for me, why Clarissa would be weeping over the extinction of dragons.

"Defenders of the Truth" by Jack McDaniel
A rapacious and hypocritical dictator takes the Tinkerbell Effect to the extreme and it seems bleak but I guess the story won't end there. I'd like to read what happens after everything collapses because they have dispensed with science. Interesting how like all such con men, Lionel is compelled to projection, saying that rational thinking is the real addiction.

"The Melrose Incident" by Kalifer Deil
Smooth writing that makes clever use of Melose's missed history to surprise him in the end. I rankled at the use of "bigly" and was delighted to see Melrose had the same reaction.

"Vivication" by Thaddeus Howze
Writing as fluid as the window through which she passed depicts the tail end to a one-night stand, at which immortality is offered. This works as a complete story unless he later changes his mind.

"Orbistar One" by Justin Sewall
Some nice imagery: "They unfurled gracefully like lotus petals..." I was completely taken in and liked how the resolution paralleled his point of view.

"Escape Plan" by Greg Krumrey
Well described intrigue with robots and spaceships and a secret mountain lair. Nice to know the CEOs have given this some careful thought, raising the question, is it better to know the truth when it's so grim? Or is the human instinct for despite-the-odds heroic action important, possibly necessary?

"Serenity in the Smoke" by Davida Cohen
Short and to the point. Reminded me of a plan I envisioned one night in my freshman year.

"Secret Thinker" by Paula Friedman
A profoundly unreliable narrator only gives hints at what's occurring. Is this the voice of a stress-wracked human enslaved to alien overlords? Or a drug addict accidentally locked in a cupcake shop all night?

Overall, I thought all the stories were great. There was a high degree of experimentation, and it's interesting how many different views of "addiction" there were. I was struck by how many were attuned to the sociopolitical issues of our time, and how pervasive the issue of climate change especially.

[Tom]

Thank you for all the finely written and insightful reviews, J.F. (I do agree with you about those 'deeper issues.' However, the tech solution I offered would at least remove the current excuse, bringing those deeper issues into the open. Until new excuses are found, of course.)

[Paula]

Surprised you didn't "get" the narrator of my piece, J.F. Tells me to leave IN the "hints" I tend too often to cut out; thank you. That said, your capsule reviews of the stories this month are terrific--thanks for the hard work!

[Jot]

Thanks so much for the reviews, Joseph. I agree the part in my story where the friend extends his sword out the back of the criminal could have been better narrated. I'll have to work on that for the next story.

[Tom]

The Theory of Orthogenetic States
by J.F. Williams

A very unusual and delightfully entertaining blending of climate-related dystopian near future and satirical Bogie-style noir, as a shifty P.I. handles two deadly rivals for the same prize in a dying world.

I liked the use of futuristic terms, situations and slang; they were well-delivered in the flow of the narrative. I especially liked the comedy relief. The premise was certainly novel, as was the conclusion.

At times, the narrative was a bit hard to follow. The expository regarding the 'frosties', while interesting and amusing, could maybe have been less of a block; better spread out through the dialogue.

Overall, a definite thumbs up.

[J.F.]

Thanks, Tom! I really appreciate the critique. The first-draft was twice as long and I was Medea-like in killing my darlings so I know the clarity suffered.