Question B

[Jonetta]

When Holland and Dax first meet, she decides to let him go because she doesn’t want to become a military spouse. Your thoughts about her point of view? Should she have given him a shot or did her feelings have merit?

[Sharon]

I understood her feelings. It must have been difficult to watch her mother suffer so much and then her father died and they never had their time. That said, everyone is different. I thought that she should have taken a chance.

[Lynn]

One of my favorite series is The Unit in which the stories of the wives hold as much weight as the military parts of the episodes. I'm not sure how realistic it is, but it makes the life of a military spouse look really tough, so from that, I think Holland's feelings are valid.

[Anita]

After seeing the toll it took on her mother, I didn't blame her for walking away the first time. She had seen the life of a military wife up close and personal and Dax wasn't enough to make her want to live it

[Jonetta]

I’m a military brat. We moved almost every year. My father was away for almost three years on assignments where we couldn’t go (Vietnam, Thailand). My Dad was in Germany when I was born because my Mom was too far along in her pregnancy to fly (her stories about traveling alone with an infant and a toddler to later join him are hilarious).

Whenever we moved, responsibility for packing up our stuff fell to Mom. Integrating us into new communities and schools fell on her shoulders, too.

That’s the tough stuff and it’s real. But! My father gave us an incredible life, taking us to places we never would have gone to on our own. We lived in Italy for three years and returned to the States on an ocean liner (still don’t know how he pulled that off). My sister and I developed a resiliency and ability to adapt to change that served us well in life.

I share all of this so you know that Holland’s reluctance was understandable. She said she wasn’t ready the first time she met him. Three years later she felt strong enough to manage Dax, knowing her own mind better. It’s not a life you choose lightly.

[Sharon]

Thanks for the insight Jonetta.

My son-in-law was in the army and my daughter has a similar story. They loved the chance to travel, but a couple bases where they were stationed were not friendly according to my daughter. My son-in-law was diagnosed with MS and received a medical discharge after 5 years. My daughter doesn't miss it.

[Jonetta]

I’ll bet, Sharon. My Mom “served” 25 years.

[Sharon]

My hat's off to her.

[Anita]

That is a really tough life. The family must be a solid unit in order to survive it.

[Lauren]

I could totally understand Holland's perspective. She saw the effect of being a military wife on her mother and did not want to be subsumed by Dax's career. She did not want to give up her own dreams and desires, and she shouldn't have to.

Jonetta, that is such an interesting story. Kudos to your mom for serving every bit as much as your dad.

[Jonetta]

Thanks, ladies. She was a fantastic partner for my Dad. She made his service so much easier. And, he never missed a moment to thank her.

[Karen ♐]

Jonetta wrote: "I’m a military brat. We moved almost every year. My father was away for almost three years on assignments where we couldn’t go (Vietnam, Thailand). My Dad was in Germany when I was born because my ..."

I have the reverse story. My dad served during WWII. My Mom followed him around when he was in the states training, OCS, etc. They spent years apart when he was in Europe. When the war was over, he was offered Lieutenant Colonel if he stayed in. My Mom did not want to spend her life (and ours) moving around the world. So he resigned. I think part of her decision was the fear of losing him. As a kid, I used to tell her it would have been wonderful to travel. But I can understand her point of view. So I did understand how Holland felt. A couple months after we were married, my hubby got his draft notice from the lottery for Vietnam. He wanted to go into the Air Force, had signed up and found out he had high blood pressure that prevented him from going in. I have to admit, I was really relieved.

[Karen ♐]

Jonetta wrote: "I’ll bet, Sharon. My Mom “served” 25 years."

That is wonderful, Jonetta. I don't think people realize how much "the spouse" has to deal with.

[Jonetta]

Karen ♐ wrote: "I have the reverse story. My dad served during WWII. My Mom followed him around when he was in the states training, OCS, etc. They spent years apart when he was in Europe. When the war was over, he was offered Lieutenant Colonel if he stayed in. My Mom did not want to spend her life (and ours) moving around the world. So he resigned. I think part of her decision was the fear of losing him. ..."

Your mother got a taste of what life might be like, Karen. My Mom and Dad both worried that the life was hard on us. As adults, we let them know we had the time of our lives. Yes, it was tough that we attended 10 different schools (I went to three in the 2nd grade). But we were the products of two very charismatic people who gained friends quickly and so did we. We’d be really sad when we had to leave friends but within weeks, we’d made new ones.

That’s not always the story for every family, though. We were blessed.

Karen, you were right to be relieved about your husband missing Vietnam. My Dad served and he came back different. It shortened his life.

[Karen ♐]

Jonetta wrote: "Karen ♐ wrote: "I have the reverse story. My dad served during WWII. My Mom followed him around when he was in the states training, OCS, etc. They spent years apart when he was in Europe. When the ..."

It's wonderful that your parents knew that you really enjoyed your childhood. And so sad about your Dad. We had so many friends that came back struggling. Really sad.

[Jonetta]

That was just a terrible war. If we’d only known then what we know now about PTSD, maybe things would have been better for lots of veterans.

[Karen ♐]

Jonetta wrote: "That was just a terrible war. If we’d only known then what we know now about PTSD, maybe things would have been better for lots of veterans."

So true.