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Quarantine Tuesday Reading Kaffeeklatsch: 3/2/21
Well, all is well here in my neck of the woods. Just that March is an extremely overwhelmingly busy month where a lot of things have to come together. A few things I have been thinking about - one is these two essays I'd like to write, one being on the Roaring 20's and how we emerge as a culture out of that, and also what to do about the political divide between loved ones. How we enter the Roaring 20's and what that is going to mean. I have the new sense that even though I will write the essay, I wouldn't be able to show it to anyone without the permission of my parents, and I fear they would be upset and embarrassed. But I also feel that they are my primary audience, so I have some tension around that, and I hope I do get to write it when other things feel so overwhelmingly critical. Sometimes I feel like just getting through the day and the week is an ordeal, and there a thousand high priority projects just around the corner.I also have two other personal things going on. One has to do with weight, eating, exercise, and body image. Not wanting to live a deprived life, but knowing that all the efforts I am putting towards it, and I couldn't be doing a better job of 'my best', simply isn't making a whole lot of difference.
The other thing has to do with my work, and I'm truly stumped about how to make change here. All the advice in the world hasn't helped. It has something to do with equity and fairness and compassion, and let me just put it out there. Almost half of my patients have cut deals with me for therapy (at my urging) because of what they can afford. The other half who pay my full fee (even if insurance is helping for part of it), pay a fee that to me feels fair, but is way low than the rest of the world. Every colleague of mine, plus less experienced early career clinicians out of school, each of them are making astounding amounts of money, and at time like Covid, I feel I really can't raise my rates and don't really want to. But I do have to look at who to take into my practice and start charging more for the new, and I have such resistance. And then I meet someone, and I get immediately involved in their story, and before I know it, I have cut some kind of deal. I have been somewhat meditating on this lately. I won't give up the cases that I have that will forever be financially sub par, but I do have to figure the rest of this out. Its not about my self worth, I know I do phenomenally good work. (Forgive me for saying that). It's just that I think fundamentally, therapy shouldn't be as inaccessible and as expensive as it is. There's an equity issue where folks who are hurting should have access to good quality care. I care about the fact that people are suffering and that I can help. But I see how financially I have been harmed by this, and I feel like I have been dealing with this for years, and then get surprised at just how many people I have on my caseload where I have cut the deals. And its hard to care about that when I hold people's lives in my hands. It feels more like a theoretical problem than anything else.
Anyway - I hope everyone is well and getting happier. Thanks for hearing my update. Can't wait for Covid to be over. just chatting with Jaden about the hope that we can actually go to some schools and take tours. Really sad if we can't, but maybe by April, some things open up. Blessings to all~
My old office is never reopening. The company is going to sell or rent the building (and transfer the cost of utilities to the employees at home.) The positive side of the year has been calls with GR friends. Also a couple local groups where people who had moved away could now join us on Zoom.
My husband taught himself to use the Garage Band program on the computer to put together music tracks. He did one with 10 people, I am very impressed.
I worked as a consultant and implemented a project entirely remote for the first time ever!I started a new job entirely virtually for the first time ever!
The biggest challenge is in person you can read people, facial expressions, body language, etc and you just can't do that as well over video. We turn video on for a lot of our calls which does help. I try to have a bit of random talk at the beginning of calls for rapport building before we just jump into work, but it's hard when we are so, so busy. I do look forward to going into the office and meeting people in person at some point. I know a lot of companies here in the Seattle area are either looking at WFH permanently or some sort of hybrid... go in two days and work from home the rest. I love the hybrid model and I'm excited that my boss is interested in doing that.
Otherwise all is well here. I'm still trying to balance work with exercise but that was a struggle for me even before the pandemic.
I'm temporarily coming out of retirement! I have a consulting project with a company I admire. I'll be facing the same challenges as you all are because this type of work is usually done in person. It involves an investigation, so body language and facial expressions are crucial. I'm dealing with confidential information, so I'm trying to figure out where to set up my computer for zoom meetings where my family can't hear them, and they can't hear my family. My office is right next to my mom's room (which sometimes sounds like a Star Wars movie) so that's out. My bedroom is the quietest room but that feels too unprofessional. I'll have to try out a few spots. There is a desk in the basement, which might do in a pinch.
NancyJ wrote: "I'm temporarily coming out of retirement! I have a consulting project with a company I admire. I'll be facing the same challenges as you all are because this type of work is usually done in person...."Confidentiality is a big issue with lawyers WFH. Many living in houses in the burbs are working from basements. Those who live in apartments and unlike me have family around, find themselves taping a DND sign on door of whatever room they are in to keep everyone out. I hear the husbands are the worst offenders, barging in no matter what.
You figure it out. Congratulations on the job! In know you have missed working!
Amy wrote: "Well, all is well here in my neck of the woods. Just that March is an extremely overwhelmingly busy month where a lot of things have to come together. A few things I have been thinking about - one ..."@Amy - lawyers with solo practices go through that too. I have different rate scales depending on the client. It is something you need to figure out, plus get in habit of annual increases.
You have to make peace with the type of practice you both want and have. It might require ignoring what colleagues are doing.
I have a client with a psychiatry practice who has elected to charge what patient insurance will pay, and she accepts what insurance will pay, and only takes as patients with insurance. She earns far less per hour than colleagues but she always gets paid, never has to chase clients for payments, and she has made a lot of money. Sufficient to buy both her apartment and her office on the UES Manhattan, have great retirement savings, and a really full patient roster. Many of her colleagues appear to be making more money, have fancier clientele, but actually have endless headaches getting paid. She is perfectly satisfied with her practice.
Robin P wrote: "My old office is never reopening. The company is going to sell or rent the building (and transfer the cost of utilities to the employees at home.) The positive side of the year has been calls wit..."
I see the closure of offices happening but now mostly because the business is failing or failed. One savings from WFH is commuting costs. I also spend far less each week...eating at home, no impulse purchases, no drycleaning bills every week. No new office clothes, shoes, bags, jewelry. Yes my electric bill is higher at home but not cable or phone. This all varies person to person of course. I do still have the expense of an office though a downsized one.
Love that your husband has done so well!
Charlotte wrote: "I Otherwise all is well here. I'm still trying to balance work with exercise but that was a struggle for me even before the pandemic..."
That's me! So bad before but terrible now. I need to figure this out.
@Robin and Theresa, there was a report, on NPR, the other day about this. One of the big topics was that companies closing offices would be saving lots of money on healthcare costs, down the road. The reasoning is that there was less chance of injury/accidents to employees who are working from home. About mid-pandemic last year, during a zoom friend party, I predicted some businesses would be the leaning this way, down the road.
Thank you Theresa for your response. Karin also wrote to me with an incredibly thoughtful response that is similar. Which made me think that you both are hitting the nail on the head, That I need to think about the kind of practice (person) that I want to have and want to be. That maybe its not really about the compensation. And that I can drown out those voices and be more aware of it, but that ultimately, if I had wanted to actually do something about it, maybe already would have done so.
NancyJ wrote: "I'm temporarily coming out of retirement! I have a consulting project with a company I admire. I'll be facing the same challenges as you all are because this type of work is usually done in person...."When I did my consulting projects over the summer it was tough on being able to read people, body language, facial expressions, etc. And I missed the in person aspect of it so much.
After seeing tons of people's backgrounds, I wouldn't worry about going into your bedroom if you have to. You can either blur or change your background if you need to. I've found that lighting in a bigger concern. When I was doing all my interviews and client calls, I purchased a cheap ring light to light my face better for the video. I've painted my walls and now can have a plan grey wall behind me if I need to.
Some of the video conference platforms offer noise suppression but I don't think that Zoom does. The noise suppression is wonderful. When I'm on meetings, even if my dogs are going crazy in the background, no one hears it. Actually, I googled and Zoom does have it: https://support.zoom.us/hc/en-us/arti... ... highly recommend!!
I will say, people realize that no one is facing challenges working with family around alone and everyone that I've encountered, both my clients and now my co-workers, are VERY forgiving if something pops up. My guess is that you'll find the same.
Joanne wrote: "@Robin and Theresa, there was a report, on NPR, the other day about this. One of the big topics was that companies closing offices would be saving lots of money on healthcare costs, down the road. ..."Plus, no issues of flu/colds/intestinal bugs moving through the office. That used to be a big problem in open plan offices with shared coffee/food areas. You could practically see the illness spread from person to person. I am seriously thinking of continuing to wear a mask in crowded places, on airplanes, etc. in the future. I haven't had a cold in over a year and that is great. The last one I am sure came from an airplane trip before Covid.
Amy wrote: "Thank you Theresa for your response. Karin also wrote to me with an incredibly thoughtful response that is similar. Which made me think that you both are hitting the nail on the head, That I need t..."I'm happy to have a zoom chat with you sometime about all this and perhaps help you to peace on this subject. What your goals are from your practice are yours, and yours alone.
That doesn't mean you undersell yourself. Some work I provide, I charge more than many others who do that work, but then I also have far more experience that is being brought to the table when you hire me for it. I actually have quite a myriad range of fee structures to accommodate my practice.
Robin P wrote: "Joanne wrote: "@Robin and Theresa, there was a report, on NPR, the other day about this. One of the big topics was that companies closing offices would be saving lots of money on healthcare costs, ..."I was just thinking that I have not had a cold ... in over a year. Definitely the distancing and quarantine have worked there.
I've been in tech most of my adult life and have had the flexibility to work from home as needed. If other people who were sick, wouldn't stay home, then I would. I was usually pretty blunt about it too... I'm staying home because x is sick and won't and I do not want to get sick.Due to that, even when I was going in, it was rare that I got sick with something other than allergies.
Theresa wrote: "I was just thinking that I have not had a cold ... in over a year. Definitely the distancing and quarantine have worked there.."The same here and even more amazing I work in a germ factory and have been back working with the preschoolers since July.
Having them wear masks cuts down considerably on the mouth hand nose spread. We are also increasing hand washing and cleaning toys and activities.
I have come to love wearing a mask.
There are significant down sides working with preschoolers, in that they do not see your mouth and watching people speaks helps their pronunciation.
I continue to struggle teaching hybrid and it has made me question my professional gosls
Sallys wrote: "I continue to struggle teaching hybrid and it has made me question my professional gosls"Won't you eventually be going back to teaching in person again? I know my brother found it quite a switch to start recording lectures, especially since his lectures are often somewhat interactive, but he is in his mid-fifties so not likely to change his profession at this point. He has tenure, and there aren't many professions where you can get that.
I have exciting news!!!! After I had to say goodbye to my dog in Aug, my husband and I put a deposit on a future puppy of the same breed with a breeder that I know and am friends with.
The puppies were born this morning! I'll be picking him/her up at the beginning of May!!! Yay!!
Charlotte wrote: "I have exciting news!!!! After I had to say goodbye to my dog in Aug, my husband and I put a deposit on a future puppy of the same breed with a breeder that I know and am friends with.
The puppie..."
A new fur baby! What joy! Congratulations!
A new puppy, Charlotte, how wonderful!
I also want to add that after midnight, I found myself playing around with the compare books function. Most of you were somewhere around 76-78%, which is the normal place people are around 95% of the time with their friend group. But just a select few of you... were clearly in the 80’s which is far less usual. One new friend in the general feed who is not PBT, I score a whopping and shocking 89% with her! And who from our friends hit my low 80s? I didn’t check absolutely everyone but I got to check into a fair number. I believe Teresa was 83%, Charlotte like 82, Nicole R like 82, and Joanne was in there too. One of you was even an 84. In any case, if you are the nerdy book type, you can go into your friends and click the compare books just for fun and this takes us in to get another totally different direction. But you might find some surprises. I did think the high 70s was very common, and almost all of you fell into that. With just one shockingly low number. But the low 80s surprised me more.
Look at me, giving a technological computer tip! Except my guess is you were all like, Duh we all knew that, lady! Welcome to the club!
Yay puppy!!Has anyone heard of Bunny the Sheepadoodle, if not google him! His parents have a company using hex tiles with audio words to teach your dog to express themselves using words.
https://fluent.pet/
Amy wrote: "I also want to add that after midnight, I found myself playing around with the compare books function. Most of you were somewhere around 76-78%, which is the normal place people are around 95% of t..."That's not surprising that we are at 82 because I'm not going to lie, I kind of book stalk you. I figured out fairly quickly that we have similar tastes, so if I see that you've rated a book highly then I'm going to give it a chance. My guess is the longer we are bookish friends that number is going to get higher lol
Amy wrote: "I also want to add that after midnight, I found myself playing around with the compare books function. Most of you were somewhere around 76-78%, which is the normal place people are around 95% of t..."I have seen this! Crazy cool!!
I haven't tried that funktion, Amy! Thanks for the tip.
Oh a new puppy-how joyful! Make sure you show us a picture!
That's a new function to me, Amy! I have seen it but not actually checked it out. Reminds me of the end of Swap in 2019 when we were all using Google Earth to peek at where our books were now going to live!
P.S. I'm not particularly surprised where I fall because we definitely share taste, plus I'm a really broad reader. That means I overlap readers with all kinds of preferences.
Rethinking my goals within the teaching profession I meant. I’ve already changed careers once. This is it for me. How do we compare books. I’ve done it but I forgot how
Charlotte, I feel so honored!Sally, when I went to do the "compare books" function with you, the site booted me out and off. Like its renovating you temporarily or something. Maybe you can click on it and tell me where we are at!
On another note (for Sally), I happen to work a lot with teachers and educators/administrators, and I rather think this time has been harder on them than anyone. All of this subset of my patient world feel like they have lost their joy and meaning and are miserable all fo the time. They feel dispensible, underappreciated, and just plain tired. Every single one of them wants to reshape their professional goals. My hope and prayer for them and for you, is that after summer, and when schools look more normal, perhaps then, we can see some of your passion reignite, and the reason you chose this profession align with your active practice. I feel for you. I'm all for the teachers as our heroes, but right now every one of you needs our full support. I recommend self-compassion and hope. Then you will see how things settle out next year.... I hope that's helpful.
Charlotte wrote: "I have exciting news!!!! After I had to say goodbye to my dog in Aug, my husband and I put a deposit on a future puppy of the same breed with a breeder that I know and am friends with.
The puppie..."
That's lovely :) !
I use the Compare Books all the time. Some people have everything private so you can't do it until you friend them. But otherwise, when I send a friend request and the person is in the 80's or higher, I will mention it in my request. I don't know exactly how it works. I am stingy with 5 star ratings, only giving 2 or 3 a year, while some people give a lot. But you can still tell what books you have in common. I also often include something about a favorite author that I see they share.
Thank You, Amy. It is helpful. And sometimes, often, the sunny faces of my kids remind me why I chose to teach. It's more the administrators, and sometimes the parents who make it difficult. But in the end, we all want the same thing and everyone has to remember that.
I also use the Compare Books feature frequently ... never accept (or ignore) a friend request without checking that feature. I'm also not sure how Goodreads arrives at the % (I'm assuming you mean the "Your tastes are xx% similar..." remark, Amy), but it's a benchmark.
Charlotte wrote: "I have exciting news!!!! After I had to say goodbye to my dog in Aug, my husband and I put a deposit on a future puppy of the same breed with a breeder that I know and am friends with..."
Congrats!
Amy wrote: "I also want to add that after midnight, I found myself playing around with the compare books function. Most of you were somewhere around 76-78%, which is the normal place people are around 95% of t..."Ah, I did know about this, but haven't played around with it in a long time.
You and I, Amy, are lower than I expected!
Like Book Concierge, I use this comparison frequently. There are any number of people on PBT that I rate in the 80's with.
And I always use it with somebody who friends me to see if they are serious readers or not.
I used to use that tool a lot, but I haven't looked at it in a long time. I like that you can look at it two ways - popular books, and less common books. I wonder if it would be less accurate for me now because my preferences are changing, and there are a lot of books on my read list that I might not like as much if I read them now.I don't think the measurement distinguishes between 4 and 5 ratings, and it might also count 3 as Liked, even though we don't all think of it that way. It also counts TBR books, so I will probably match higher this month with people who have read a ton of books on Africa, because I temporarily have a ton of books on Africa in my tbr.
I also think the % might be inflated if you both have a lot of the same classics or serious (Spinach) books on your tbr - books that might be good for you but will probably not be read.
Ha - can you tell I love to pick apart measurement tools to look for alternative explanations for data? That's one of the reasons I knew I needed to get back to work.
Speaking of being BACK TO WORK 🎈🎈🎈😀
I'm loving it. I was nervous at first, but it all came back to me. I need to write a lot more notes than I used to, but all the "how to" stuff is safely accessible. I can still calculate Disparate Impact even if I temporarily forget the term. I love my client company too, I like the work they do, and the people. I like that some of the senior managers are reading anti-racism type books. Next week will be tougher, but I'm excited.
I'm happily exhausted. (I'm up for the middle of the night breathing treatment for mom.) My husband is thrilled (and not just because I told him to go ahead and order the skis he's been drooling over). He's tired also, because he's doing more of the caregiving while I'm working.
And for some reason I'm hearing from people in my professional network that I haven't seen in 1-2 years. I wonder if it's because people are starting to get ready for normal life again.
Charlotte wrote: "NancyJ wrote: "I'm temporarily coming out of retirement! I have a consulting project with a company I admire. I'll be facing the same challenges as you all are because this type of work is usually ..."That's great advice! I set up in the kitchen this week after I noticed - gee, there is a door that slides into this wall. It's been open all the time so I forgot it was there. We always eat in the dining room so I can leave my work on the table.
Kevin has been sitting in mom's room so he doesn't overhear too much. I'm thinking though that I could really use his help taking notes during witness interviews so I can maintain more eye contact.
And Congrats on the puppy!!!
Cindy, I am low with Karin too. I think that this is because both of you, and maybe particularly her, will read something more obscure or heavier than I like to. I get all my heavy with World Wars and Spies and Holocaust. I think both of you pick things off the beaten path, (my beaten path that is) while I tend to stay with Magic and Bestsellers and Historical Fiction. Oh and Jewish/Spiritual stuff. I think you both are more diverse and more well read in your choices. You are also very stingy with your fives, as Robin self-describes. That would be my guess.
Amy wrote: "Cindy, I am low with Karin too. I think that this is because both of you, and maybe particularly her, will read something more obscure or heavier than I like to. I get all my heavy with World Wars ..."Surprisingly, Cindy and I are 92 % similar, which is really high. That was unexpected. It must be our animal love that inflates that.
Really! I never heard of a 92! But I also would have assumed you and I would be pretty high. Because I don’t remember I thought it was maybe in the high 70s.
Amy wrote: "Really! I never heard of a 92! But I also would have assumed you and I would be pretty high. Because I don’t remember I thought it was maybe in the high 70s."It shows us at 84. Not surprising as we read quite a few of the same books.
Amy wrote: "Cindy, I am low with Karin too. I think that this is because both of you, and maybe particularly her, will read something more obscure or heavier than I like to. I get all my heavy with World Wars ..."Good point! I thought we'd have more in common, especially with the historical fiction. As I looked through the list, I was also thinking about me being a much tougher rater, as well.
Booknblues wrote: "Surprisingly, Cindy and I are 92 % similar, which is really high. That was unexpected. It must be our animal love that inflates that...."Wow! Now I have to go look. I looked at a few last night, and the highest (of the few I looked at) was 80-soemthing (82% maybe?) with Joi.
ETA: Ok, GR must be picking random books for comparison. Because I'm seeing a 62% with you BnB!
NancyJ wrote: "Charlotte wrote: "NancyJ wrote: "I'm temporarily coming out of retirement! I have a consulting project with a company I admire. I'll be facing the same challenges as you all are because this type o..."NancyJ - you could just have your husband sign a simple confidentiality agreement just to cover boundaries. I do that when I have share things as part of negotiations and board meetings where others not in the web of privilege may be. There is some fancy term litigators use for it but it is just a confidentiality agreement.
I took a quick look at the compare feature...Amy - you and I are at 86% but it us based only books we share of all we each have listed, and we share only 6.67% of books we have individually shelved. I see this as less helpful in responding to friend requests than just looking through someone's read shelf to see what they have been reading for a while and spot checking any reviews they have written.
Somehow it seems right, nearly a year into this, that I had a pandemic first yesterday: I participated in my first virtual court hearing. It was also, in truth, my first court appearance where I personally (and not a firm I was part of) was named as the attorney appearing on behalf of certain defendants. I don't litigate and make every effort to avoid going to court. But you can still teach an old dog new tricks.
What was it like? Most critically, the judge is just like all the rest of us, not sitting on a bench slightly above us in a robe. The judge is just another window in the Microsoft Teams app. Don't get me wrong, she was still THE JUDGE, but the intimidation and sense of being solely in control of the meeting was missing. That was odd.
What was good - there was a specific time scheduled and it was a fixed hour. Obviously, because if virtual, everyone needs to know when to call in. When in court in person, you and several other cases show up at a specific time and you wait your turn in front of the judge. It could be 5 minutes or 5 hours.... This is far better.
What's missing, that opportunity while waiting around in court to take the measure of your opponents and have some settlement discussions. Just not possible virtually.
Has anyone else had a new to you experience or expanded your experience in any way as a result of Pandemic?