Quarantine Tuesday Reading Kaffeeklatsch: 1/5/21

[Joanne]

Something told me not to get too excited about getting the vaccine-

Got another email this morning-They took me off the list, due to shortages here in Michigan, no matter the health issues, I need to be 65 or older...I won't be 65 until May. I have gone onto the "pending supplies" list....

[Theresa]

Joanne wrote: "Something told me not to get too excited about getting the vaccine-

Got another email this morning-They took me off the list, due to shortages here in Michigan, no matter the health issues, I need..."

That sucks. But Biden will improve things on vaccine front immediately.

[Theresa]

@Amy - what a loving daughter you are! I am not at all sure how I would handle such a divide if it existed in my family. I am pretty sure it would not be as forgiving, gracious, tolerant as you are. I hope that there is now at least a glimmer of light in them now on this.

I want to mention that on The Last Word with Lawrence O'Donnell Friday night, he did an excellent extended segment on the anti-semitic symbols on display during the insurrection. I am sure any wanting to better their recognition of these 'secret' hate messages can find the segment on MSNBC website or YouTube.

[Amy]

I have an update to share. It's hard to convey this is a few words, because you don't know my parents and anybody who doesn't, would make the blanket assumption that these are terrible or uneducated or racist people. And they are not. Its hard to explain that in a soundbite. A lot of people in my "real" life who have met them and known them for years and who know their hearts, completely get this because we are indeed talking about educated wonderful giving people. I really do blame fox news for a lot of this. There is so much they don't know, and if they knew it, might change things. They have never been pro-Trump. They were the anti-Hillary's. The ones that when the media's bias was evident with Israel, when the term fake news first emerged, Fox was the only thing you can trust. If they knew how deranged everything was in the first place, and that Trump really does have his hands full with the KKK and white supremacy, it would have been a non-starter. But all of this stuff is presented as the media and the democrats trying to ruin Trump. There is a cadre of intelligent people who really believe CNN and NYT are the fake news. And they weren't wrong a decade ago when it came to that. And even still today. They worry about the violence that has been overblown to them. They worry about secret cabals pulling the strings and using the media to do it. But they would never have thought they would have to see the day that something like this would have occurred, as did Wednesday.

So I interrupt the football playoffs to reach out to my Dad. Who I think in many ways can be more reasonable and mind flexible than my mother - who is our last call of note, extorted how much her main concern was violence. And how she wants no violence of any kind in her life, only positivity. My dad is all heart. He is one of the most giving, compassionate, heart led, generous of spirit and everything else, person that I know. He cares about how black and brown kids get educated. He cares about integrity - and he loves full. Anyway, we joked about the playoffs, that I was interrupting him, but that he drops everything for me, but I was having less success with Jaden, who still needs to do quite a few things that pale against football playoffs. I said "You feel each other's pain, that I am interrupting what is obviously higher priorities." At first, when I said Crazy Week, he didn't want to talk about it. I pushed it and said, you know I really don't want to feel like when these things happen that there is distance and we can't. like I feel this man has stolen so much, he doesn't get to destroy us too. Which of course he immediately agreed. It was important to him to make sure we knew how horrified they both were. Black, white, nobody get to behave this way and interrupt democracy. They don't stand for anti-american behavior, and violence, no matter who you are. I told him that we never ever questioned that, that we knew they were horrified and upset. Which is true. But I did say that recently when Mom told me that some folks in her circles with similar beliefs suggested that newsmaxx was fair, that he needed to know that's where these people go to, and that this was announced long before. And then I told him he needed to know about the T-Shirts, and he really had no idea. I begged him to stick with Fox News. Never dreamed I would do that, but he's 86. He was horrified when I told him. He really had no idea. He did know they were going after Pence and Pelosi to hang them. Then he switched it back to the family stuff, where we laughed for awhile. But before that he did say that Trump completely destroyed himself. Which is not inconsistent with stuff he has said before. The only person who can beat Trump is Trump himself. If he destroys himself, he loses. Yet another thing that didn't turn out to be true. I remember watching the third debate with them on CNN against Hillary when Trump spoke in profane provocative detail about what is done to babies, (remember that?
Five years ago, and the atrocities are hard to catalogue), and my father saying, that's it, he just lost. But no. We didn't talk about it any further than that. But I feel like what I did, was to stop the pause that happens oh so often when these things happen, and particularly with this latest worst one, where we are not even divided, and now its no longer a taboo subject, or silence between us. And I had lots to share on the family front. Anyway, so I feel better that that happened. Now my mother will call next, and will feel free to. Plus I love and miss my Dad, who is like a soulmate to me, and I got to connect with him. He remains one of the most special people in my life. I consider myself lucky. Anyway. I really don't want you guys to hate them. They are good people, even if deluded by thoughts of conspiracy. They don't hate, they love, and they do have the right values.

So now that I've soapboxed about that, I just want to say, not all republicans are bad. We all decry what happens when hate and racism, and anti-American enters the picture. But there remain some folks for whom true differences or beliefs get in the way. It isn't just about hatred. Although for plenty, that is where its at... Anyway, I've said my piece, to them and now to you. To all a good night, thanks for reading/listening, and for your kind thoughts.

[Amy]

And yes Theresa, extremely well stated.....

[Sallys]

Amy, one of the things I made sure to explain to my 8th-grade students when we discussed the events of Wednesday, is that these people, terrorists, are a subset of Republicans who have supported Trump. Of course I did have to be careful what I said since I am teaching remotely and I knew parents could be listening. That being said, but I do not think all Republicans who may have supported Trump are evil. I can also relate to your experience with your parents. I grew up in a Conservative Jewish household. My mother, who would have been 95, was part of a specific group of people who even though she lived in the US experienced the Holocaust. She was aware of every antisemite who ever lived. She voted for Nixon because she thought that he was good for Israel. So I think that we have to bend until we almost break when it comes to elderly parents.

[Robin P]

I commend you, Amy, for reaching out to your parents this way. Personally, although I am pretty far left, I have been impressed with some of the Republicans who stood up for truth at great risk to themselves, for example Adam Kinzinger. I have policy differences with mainstream Republicans but it used to be possible to talk about those and agree on some facts. I hope we can return to that

My leftist sympathies make me think that underneath all this horror, it is about someone somewhere making money. That could be Fox News, Facebook, Twitter, etc. I have been in a study group where we have read Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents and Stamped: Racism, Antiracism, and You. One thing I took from those was that the root of slavery was capitalism. People needed labor to make money on sugar, cotton and tobacco. They stole people from Africa and then made up reasons why that was ok - because those people were somehow not really people. But the desire for easy profit came first.

[Booknblues]

Amy wrote: "And yes Theresa, extremely well stated....."

Amy< I am so thrilled for Jaden, so thrilled that you have begun discussion with your parents. I wish I could say that I have been as successful with relatives, but that is not the case and I am just not going to go there now.

Today is my 38th anniversary, so hurray for us.

I wanted to put a little light and fun in and thought you and others might be interested. I've told you before, coincidentally I have a friend in a acapella Jazz choir, who is from the Boston area, who is Jewish, who loves doing Christmas carols and she posted their groups Let it Snow. So fun.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mespb...

[Theresa]

Happy Birthday, BnB! Hopefully there were some bubbles today!

Loved the Let it Snow!

[Amy]

BnB - that was such a treat! I hadn't heard of of seen this group before. Their stuff is great! That was really terrific!

Sally and everyone - thank you so much for being there for me. And for getting it. I really appreciate that. Both for Jaden, and for the rest. I agree that its first order to get first our families, marriages, siblings, parents back, and maybe that's the start of dialoguing, which needs to happen for unity for country and world's sake. I think we all need to separate out the folks who had reason for voting for Trump that isn't about money and power and hate or religious dominance and/or white supremacy. I am sad and sickened about the way that for four years, people allowed this to go on, because they thought it was good for their careers, and felt they 'had' to, to not lose their seats. It's clear that everybody knows this man has been mentally ill for a long time, and that the country has been in danger. And many of our leaders helped light the match to what happened last week. And I believe they need to be held accountable for that. People want to run for President in 2024, so they are afraid to alienate Trump's base of haters. So they have allowed this madness? People are afraid for their lives. Maybe just maybe, the terrible events with the insurrectionists exposes somethings enough, that we begin to separate the policy issues and respected beliefs from hate and insurrection and violence. But it does start with our seeing it in shades. That not all republicans are bad or uneducated, deluded, etc. This goes to Nicole's point about how we talk about these things. Many of my patients are deeply embarrassed to speak about their parents, or in a few cases, spouses, and they have lost friends and respect. I wouldn't have mentioned it either if Robin hadn't called me out :). I neither consider my parents Trump supporters nor Republicans, and certainly not the ReTrumplicans (a term I have become quite fond of). I consider them conspiracy theorists and two time Trump voters, which doesn't have a great feeling, but is more factually accurate. But there is really no discussion or arguing with people in our lives sometimes. Its putting love first, family first, marriage first. It's also kind of undeniable after awhile. The Left's argument about Trump being unhinged and not for the country's interests? Being in the pocket of anti-semites and the KKK? I don't really need to make that argument anymore. The recent events just made it for me. There is something going around on Facebook in two different versions, and that's what I have been holding onto. The opinion in short or longer form, is that "If I am looking at two alternate realities and if I am wondering if I am on the right side - I just need to see where the Nazi's are, and that will clear things up pretty quickly." I think that is a concise way of kind of putting together what has happened here. It's follow the money, but also follow the power, follow the hate. Sad and difficult times. But you guys know me, I have more hope than anyone else in the world. My friends say I have rose colored glasses - they are right, eternal optimist, eternal romantic. But you know what? First, what other choice do we have? I will never lose my hope for things to get better, to be better, to believe in us, all world us's, as a community, a people, a humanity. That our higher selves will rise. That things will be better, and that love always triumphs over hate. I am writing a couple of essays again right now. One of them is about how we grow and unify and move forward during a time like this, keeping our hard won lessons close. And the other... Well, you don't even have to guess....

Up until about a decade ago, I was really good with the writing and the essays I used to write. On a whole lot of topics. Usually having to do with parenting and spirituality. In the last decade, my writing has mostly been the more elaborate book reviews which can sometimes be opinion pieces, and the talks and presentations and courses for teaching that I have put together. The essays gave way to life which demanded to be lived. But the most important personal writing has been limited to three choice points in my kids lives. When each of the kids were in Kindergarten, I wrote an essay for each of them. On who they were or a topic related to their gift to the world. It wasn't hard to see how those themes easily became connected to the two bar mitzvah parent blessings I have written and given. And now, I am beginning the first of the Senior Essays. I recently got the idea to put together the Kindergarten Essay, the bar mitzvah remarks, and the Senior Essay as a graduation gift for Jaden. This newest essay already has a title, and I don't write anything unless its got one. My Kindergarten Essay for Jaden was called Slap Hello. Which was a reference and hommage to how a tiny child develops personality and sudden maturity and a touch of maleness overnight, as in the first weeks of Kindergarten, with the oversized backpacks, there is suddenly a newer male relationality emerging. High Fives, Low Fives, Middle Fives on Kindergarten structures and in classrooms. The Slap Hello! It's the first of male bonding and emergent personality and beginnings of deep relationality. It's an immediate transformation to how a young boy begins to enter the world. You know my boy, my Jaden, the late bloomer. It may have taken him a lot longer to get academically plugged in. But the kid is deeply relational. Not a lot of boys and kids are. They struggle socially. Many adults still do. I'm not sure my kid even understands what a strength and skill that is. It comes naturally to him, to be good with people. With adults, younger kids, not so much girls, except for the camp girls. He has leadership skills. He doesn't see that as the incredible strength it is. So I am a nice guy - so what? Well its actually a far bigger deal, to be the kind of kid that grows into a man that listens to others, that motivates others, that openly shares, rather than cutting people down. I have always been deeply impressed with who he is as a person, even if some other things that are far less important come later. He has an attitude of gratitude. He is respectful. Joyful. Loving to others. Hopeful, resilient, and strong. Doesn't even know how rare or what a strength that is. How much he makes other people feel comfortable and included. Anyway, these next two essays are coming. One is about how we enter this next Roaring 20's with a new sense of community and unity and return to the essential things we've lost, while reveling in all the experiences life has to offer. The other essay is for Jaden, as he steps into the world. And what its like for me to be letting go.

[Booknblues]

Amy, that was beautiful. I am also hopeful for the roaring 20's.

Glad you liked the video. I always feel like you and my virtual friend Michelle, could be good friends. She is a jr. high science teacher with 2 elementary age (I think the girl started kinder) children.

[Amy]

Curious how you know Michelle, and maybe just maybe we either should be connected or are. And look for a good reads email from me - coming soon!