A chapter of my novel for your reading pleasure

[Monette]

Sorry, that is basically unreadable. You're trying too hard. Get rid of the first line, unless someone says it. Try writing it in first person.

[Janette]

Thanks for your brusque critique of this work, Monette. I'll chalk it up to cultural differences.

By the way, the first line is the title of the chapter.

[Monette]

Chalk it up to anything you want. You don't want to listen to comments, you won't go far in this business.