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⌇вяσкєη ωιη∂σωs, sтαιηє∂ glαss sкιη⌇
message 5751:
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[deleted user]
(new)
Aug 22, 2015 06:15PM
Because it's effing perfect!
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Is not. XD yours is. :P
August 22, 2015
To look at you relationship, you may tell me that it will never work. That we'll never make it. From the start it seemed bound to be a negative relationship. We initially bonded over how much life sucked. Now, I couldn't possibly be happier in my relationship. This is my best friend I'm with. My lifeline. I can trust him with everything. He's my rock. We started emailing about a year ago, right when life was getting it's hardest for me. We didn't email often, but often enough to know how much I enjoyed talking to him. He seemed like a friendly enough guy and we had very similar problems on our trays.
Well, he was crazy about a girl. He had been for a couple of years. He'd mentioned her a few times. He also said she'd never pay him any attention. Well, by December he was still looking to her. And I... I wanted him. Yeah, I felt guilty for it. In January... The girl started paying more attention to him. Man, that was like a slap in the face. I'd always been the kind of girl to go after a guy with a girlfriend, not something I was proud of, but I thought I was better. Well I tried to take a step back. Flirt with other guys. I couldn't do it. I got a boyfriend, hoping to dull the ache. It didn't really help. When he broke up with the girl, finding out she'd had another boyfriend all along, I thought he was heartbroken. The girl he'd been after since Junior High. I never once thought that maybe he had his eyes on a new girl already. I couldn't have hoped that new girl was me.
By February, I could have sworn he was flirting with me. But... that was impossible. I brushed it away. I told him a few times "I really like this guy, but he's too old for me, and he is after another girl." He never took that hint.
By March I had another boyfriend. Oh, it was a verbally abusive relationship. He constantly hurt me with words. I never understood why it was so hard to leave. Obviously the whole time I was just using this guy to try and numb the pain of wanting someone I could never have. I was still crazy for him. Having a boyfriend wouldn't fix that. Talking to him was the highlight of my days.
Now, by the middle of March the he was highly flirting with me. The guy I wanted. I denied the fact. Why would he do that? I'm me.
One day, we were typing animal sounds back and forth. He said "Rawr." I thought nothing of it. It was just another sound used to fill the lack of available dialogue. Soon after followed a picture.
My heart skipped a beat, but my reply wasn't too hard either. It was a picture I had found just before.
We went back and forth like this for a while. He told how amazing I was and how I should see it. I explained how worthless I was and I was never going to be good enough for him. We were both mostly using pictures.
A little while later we video chatted for the first time. It was low-quality and it was hard to understand anything. But I could see him. And for the first time ever... I heard his voice. And I knew who I was in love with. The next day he told me how he felt about me. And I chose him over my boyfriend. This was the best decision of my life.
Five months later we're still together. We've had a break up for a short period of time, the hardest in my life. We've been through a lot. A hundred fights and cravings and just pain. And we've made it through it all. You're my best friend Shiv. I love you more than life itself. Five months is a long time, but it seems like nothing. Every day you're the only thing ever on my mind. And I know it's the same for you. Thank you, for loving me when no one else would.
To look at you relationship, you may tell me that it will never work. That we'll never make it. From the start it seemed bound to be a negative relationship. We initially bonded over how much life sucked. Now, I couldn't possibly be happier in my relationship. This is my best friend I'm with. My lifeline. I can trust him with everything. He's my rock. We started emailing about a year ago, right when life was getting it's hardest for me. We didn't email often, but often enough to know how much I enjoyed talking to him. He seemed like a friendly enough guy and we had very similar problems on our trays.
Well, he was crazy about a girl. He had been for a couple of years. He'd mentioned her a few times. He also said she'd never pay him any attention. Well, by December he was still looking to her. And I... I wanted him. Yeah, I felt guilty for it. In January... The girl started paying more attention to him. Man, that was like a slap in the face. I'd always been the kind of girl to go after a guy with a girlfriend, not something I was proud of, but I thought I was better. Well I tried to take a step back. Flirt with other guys. I couldn't do it. I got a boyfriend, hoping to dull the ache. It didn't really help. When he broke up with the girl, finding out she'd had another boyfriend all along, I thought he was heartbroken. The girl he'd been after since Junior High. I never once thought that maybe he had his eyes on a new girl already. I couldn't have hoped that new girl was me.
By February, I could have sworn he was flirting with me. But... that was impossible. I brushed it away. I told him a few times "I really like this guy, but he's too old for me, and he is after another girl." He never took that hint.
By March I had another boyfriend. Oh, it was a verbally abusive relationship. He constantly hurt me with words. I never understood why it was so hard to leave. Obviously the whole time I was just using this guy to try and numb the pain of wanting someone I could never have. I was still crazy for him. Having a boyfriend wouldn't fix that. Talking to him was the highlight of my days.
Now, by the middle of March the he was highly flirting with me. The guy I wanted. I denied the fact. Why would he do that? I'm me.
One day, we were typing animal sounds back and forth. He said "Rawr." I thought nothing of it. It was just another sound used to fill the lack of available dialogue. Soon after followed a picture.
My heart skipped a beat, but my reply wasn't too hard either. It was a picture I had found just before.
We went back and forth like this for a while. He told how amazing I was and how I should see it. I explained how worthless I was and I was never going to be good enough for him. We were both mostly using pictures.
A little while later we video chatted for the first time. It was low-quality and it was hard to understand anything. But I could see him. And for the first time ever... I heard his voice. And I knew who I was in love with. The next day he told me how he felt about me. And I chose him over my boyfriend. This was the best decision of my life.
Five months later we're still together. We've had a break up for a short period of time, the hardest in my life. We've been through a lot. A hundred fights and cravings and just pain. And we've made it through it all. You're my best friend Shiv. I love you more than life itself. Five months is a long time, but it seems like nothing. Every day you're the only thing ever on my mind. And I know it's the same for you. Thank you, for loving me when no one else would.
*shrugs* it was a very hard two hours....*kisses and holds really tight* well, you loved me the same. So thank you...
When you deleted something, was this it?:P
More like a hard two days...
*smiles and hugs tightly* Mhm :)
Yeah it was. And it's a lot to type up!!!
*smiles and hugs tightly* Mhm :)
Yeah it was. And it's a lot to type up!!!
A little more than that... But still. We got through it. :)*hugglez*
Damn. I really. Really. Really. Wanna kiss you...
Yeah, we did :)
Mm... Pretty sure that's what started something ;)
Mm... Pretty sure that's what started something ;)
You... Remember... :)
Of course I do. I wouldn't forget...
*gently nuzzles* promise?
*kisses* we have to do that too. :)
It just hurts... but he can't be right... No matter what... Why am I doubting now?
No. Not now. Please not now. This is a terrible time for you...
Whatever {All beautiful things die...} wrote: "It just hurts... but he can't be right... No matter what... Why am I doubting now?"What do you mean?
Now I'm thinking. He had to speak and now I'm thinking.
Colt? Or me?
No one. Fuck! He doesn't exist and I can't get that through my head because he's standing right there!
*gently massages* Him...
*gently kisses your cheek* Should I punch him?
*closes my eyes* If you could.
Sometimes I just wanna run into the road when a car is coming just to get them quiet...
Kassi... What's wrong?
She's laughing her high pitched little laugh and he's telling me how worthless I am...
High pitched laughs suck. *covers your ears and noms your cheek* you aren't worthless.
You have no idea... *closes my eyes, focusing on you* I think i know that..
Yeah... *wraps my arms around you and kisses your beautiful Kassi ears.*
*smiles and bats my eyelashes*
*smiles and cuddles*
What a fuck up,
You did it again,
You're smoking weed,
With all your friends.
A promise you kept,
Or a promise you broke,
You don't really care,
As you blow out smoke.
You feel so dead,
When you're still most alive,
Don't wanna give a damn,
Continue your crash dive.
Only you truest friends,
Know who you are,
They know about your life,
You're wishing on stars.
They know how you feel,
All you give up,
They know who you were,
When you still gave a fuck.
And then your heart shattered,
You broke yourself down,
And the most real of people,
In them you found.
What a fuck up,
You did it again,
You're smoking weed,
With all your friends.
You did it again,
You're smoking weed,
With all your friends.
A promise you kept,
Or a promise you broke,
You don't really care,
As you blow out smoke.
You feel so dead,
When you're still most alive,
Don't wanna give a damn,
Continue your crash dive.
Only you truest friends,
Know who you are,
They know about your life,
You're wishing on stars.
They know how you feel,
All you give up,
They know who you were,
When you still gave a fuck.
And then your heart shattered,
You broke yourself down,
And the most real of people,
In them you found.
What a fuck up,
You did it again,
You're smoking weed,
With all your friends.
You aren't a fuck up.
First track practice is tomorrow!!! Then first meet on Saturday. Gonna have to work hard.
My goal is to shave 5 off my mile time by January.
10-12 on average. It sucks.
(Mkay.)
(Mkay.)
(Can't open docs on kindle.)
Fourth day of school. Stressed >.<
How was it?
A few classes it took all my power to stay awake.
I found the original fuck up poem XD
The one I posted i just stole that stanza and wrote a new one.
Ah.
Yeah. I am not showing you this one.
Why not?
Extremely depressing and it would cause you pain to read.
I'm sorry I worry so much... I just can't emotionally not worry...
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
A Midsummer Night’s Dream (other topics)The Great Gatsby (other topics)
The Great Gatsby (other topics)
The Great Gatsby (other topics)
The Great Gatsby (other topics)
