Science Fiction Microstory Contest discussion
MAY - 2020 - MICROSTORY CONTEST (COMMENTS ONLY)
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"Outstanding! It looks like a prologue to a longer form, which I would certainly want to read. For another take on this theme, you might look at William Gibson's new book, Agency, and his previous work in the series, called Peripheral, I believe."
Tom, your submission this month is one of your finest stories ever, in my opinion.Nicely done.
-C
Thank you enormously, C. Much appreciated.
I liked "The Blue Man" Jeremy. Nicely done!
Justin wrote: "Yes, great story Tom!"Thank you, Justin.
Justin wrote: "I liked "The Blue Man" Jeremy. Nicely done!"Seconded. Beautifully vivid imagery and well depicted historical setting.
Tom wrote: "Justin wrote: "I liked "The Blue Man" Jeremy. Nicely done!"Seconded. Beautifully vivid imagery and well depicted historical setting."
Thanks Tom. A lot of the research was originally done when I wrote "Bylaw, By Law, Belarus" a few years ago. I made lots of notes at the time. I'm sure this one is full of small anachronisms though.
Tom!!!Seriously fantastic story! Talk about drawing me in. I wish it was a lot longer, I'd love a deep dive of the characters origins!
Carrie wrote: "Tom!!!Seriously fantastic story! Talk about drawing me in. I wish it was a lot longer, I'd love a deep dive of the characters origins!"
Thank you, Carrie. I was really hungry to get into this one myself, and tried approaching this story from so many angles, but there just wasn't room to cram it all in.
Jeremy, really liked the story, although it seemed more like a scene from a LOTR movie rather than a complete story.Which of course is so hard to do in 750 words. The character is intrigued me and I really liked the scene setting!
Fascinating story, Tom. Wonderful pacing, and you give a superb sense of a civilization's style and a carefully delineated moment scouring the psyche of "flying Dutchman"/"wandering Jew"/"ghost of the . . . "/alien-life-form protagonist. And a strong ending.
Jeremy, I loved this story. Only, I wanted to stay in it longer; I'd have liked it to turn into a novella so could get to stay in that world and know it and your characters more. The ending was fine for the length but I was hoping for something more "within" the characters' felt/lived time-and-place experience. But maybe this is to demand more an historical than an sf fiction? (But I don't think so.) Anyhow, a lovely piece.
Thanks Paula.Same setting as Bylaw, By Law, Belarus.
If I can find the inspiration hopefully there will be other stories too - but as you've noted it may trend more towards historical fiction than SF. There's only so many ETs and time travellers hanging around Brest a thousand years ago... or are there?
Paula wrote: "Fascinating story, Tom. Wonderful pacing, and you give a superb sense of a civilization's style and a carefully delineated moment scouring the psyche of "flying Dutchman"/"wandering Jew"/"ghost of ..."Thank you, Paula.
You have quite the literary flare for analogy.
My story is up. Great story requirements, Marianne!-C
Good one C. I am now entering the HALO universe...
Thanks gents. I lift my chalice of grog to you both.
Nice subtle touch on that ending, C. Possible the story could use some tightening, but it's very well-constructed, nicely done!
Mines up! I had a bit of fun with this one.
Kalifer wrote: "Mines up! I had a bit of fun with this one."I had a good laugh at yours Kalifer, nicely done!
Paula wrote: "Nice subtle touch on that ending, C. Possible the story could use some tightening, but it's very well-constructed, nicely done!"Hi Paula! Great story! It balances on the knife edge of being indecipherable and incredible. :)
Always something different from Paula. I've been watching some of The Expanse and love how the language changes with the separation over time between Earthers, Martians and Belters. A lot like her story. Cool.
Hoping to get up a story for this month. Tackling my 92 year old mother's health issues might prevent me, but I will try.
Wow, Justin. Wow.--amazing story-poem.
--gets better and more masterful after the first 1/4 or so, better and better.
--Again, wow.
Jack wrote: "Always something different from Paula. I've been watching some of The Expanse and love how the language changes with the separation over time between Earthers, Martians and Belters. A lot like her ..."Jack, I am honored. Thank you.
Justin wrote: "Paula wrote: "Nice subtle touch on that ending, C. Possible the story could use some tightening, but it's very well-constructed, nicely done!"Hi Paula! Great story! It balances on the knife edge ..."
Thank you, Justin. Very interested if you can critique to me (pm or in "critique" thread) where it slips off the blade--very helpful feedback.
Mine is coming Paula, but in a word, brilliant.
Paula wrote: "Wow, Justin. Wow.--amazing story-poem.
--gets better and more masterful after the first 1/4 or so, better and better.
--Again, wow."
Thank you Paula! That is high praise from you and greatly appreciated! This story had no idea where it was going from the get go. It really did develop itself as I went along, which is why the first quarter is perhaps the weakest part. Because I had no preconceived story, no framework to hang my prose on, it was free to wander in a more unstructured fashion. Perhaps, in a pale imitation of your own unique style that I greatly admire!
Paula wrote: "Justin wrote: "Paula wrote: "Nice subtle touch on that ending, C. Possible the story could use some tightening, but it's very well-constructed, nicely done!"Hi Paula! Great story! It balances on ..."
I don't think it slips. It walks the line. I'll try and give you more detailed feedback.
Thank you, Justin. And, hey, I love that song; can't recall the singer/songwriter's name, though.Justin wrote: "...It walks the line."
Paula wrote: "Nice subtle touch on that ending, C. Possible the story could use some tightening, but it's very well-constructed, nicely done!"Thanks greatly, Paula. Very happy you enjoyed it.
Paula, your story gave me two clear impressions for the novel construction of your tale. One, a modern dance performance where all the performers are dressed in dark leotards and start out as a clump of people. They run around the stage in chaotic arrangements and finally end up back in a clump. Or the other impression: the music performance by the alien spaceship at the end of "Close Encounters of the third kind," where the music score starts out with a simple 5-note progression and gradually gets very complex, and then winds down to the same simple 5-note progression at the end.This is really cool, creative stuff. Compliments.
-C
Marianne wrote: "Hoping to get up a story for this month. Tackling my 92 year old mother's health issues might prevent me, but I will try."I am impressed, Marianne. Truly.
Paula wrote: "Thank you, Justin. And, hey, I love that song; can't recall the singer/songwriter's name, though.Justin wrote: "...It walks the line.""Johnny Cash: I walk the line ?
Okay, I've made some slight tweaks to the beginning portion of my story. I think it makes the flow better and align more with the rest. Thoughts?
Marianne wrote: "Hoping to get up a story for this month. Tackling my 92 year old mother's health issues might prevent me, but I will try."'Hope your mom's feeling better, Marianne. And, as always, I hope you can join us.
Justin wrote: "Okay, I've made some slight tweaks to the beginning portion of my story. I think it makes the flow better and align more with the rest. Thoughts?"It does seem to flow more smoothly, Justin. It's marvelously done.
I have to wonder how it would read if the memories were linear, but I guess the randomness of the jumbled memories is essential. It feels like a senile, fragmented recollection of a very long life seen at the end of it.
I was also reminded a little of the wormhole aliens on Deep Space Nine, who could remember the future as easily as the past. Also, the time-tripping of Slaughterhouse 5.
Yours had a special artistry to it, though.
I agree with Jeremy, great stories from alli contributors this month! Must be all the shut-in time.🕐
C. wrote: "Paula, your story gave me two clear impressions for the novel construction of your tale. One, a modern dance performance where all the performers are dressed in dark leotards and start out as a clu..."Truly, C., I am flattered and delighted--especially by the reference to the Close Encounters score. The leotard-clad dancers image is cool, too--though I'd think of them as perhaps spinning off into their own worlds (lives) awhile, at least in brief memory. Thank you again.
Just read your newer version, Justin. I agree with Tom, it flows more readily now. Now I'm seeing a need for more clumping together, as in normal (short) paragraphing, of some of the lines, with subject distance (in place or time or subject/content/feeling) enough between clumps, so the flow is also broken into blocks--into separate and perhaps contrasty tones or subjects. Yet keeping the flow, too, for you don't want to lose that; nor, however, would you want to lose the new gain in flow, so it's a marvelous balance you search for. IMHO. LOL, but go for it--it's a wonderful piece!
Tom wrote: "Justin wrote: "Okay, I've made some slight tweaks to the beginning portion of my story. I think it makes the flow better and align more with the rest. Thoughts?"It does seem to flow more smoothly..."
Wow. Compared to DS9 and Slaughter House 5? Thanks Tom! Yes, I felt the randomness of jumping all over time and space made it a better story than just a linear progression. The person mentioned, Mister Stevens, is, perhaps, more than one person across space and time. I don't know. It just worked for me. :) Thanks for your compliments!
Paula wrote: "Just read your newer version, Justin. I agree with Tom, it flows more readily now. Now I'm seeing a need for more clumping together, as in normal (short) paragraphing, of some of the lines, with su..."Thanks Paula! I did break it up into sentences vs. paragraphs because I wanted it to be more stream-of-consciousness. Paragraphs felt too static and traditional, at least to me. Anyway, thanks for the great feedback and encouragement to revamp the opening!
Got something up. Forgive my mood. Looking forward to reading all the stories once the deadline passes. That is how I role. But judging from the comments, everyone is doing grand :)
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