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Query Letter Help, Please!
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Since it is already self published you are going to have to include sales numbers and average price point. Many agents have blogged about querying an already published novel and it appears you need sales in excess of 10,000 units (and some say 20,000) at $2.99 or higher to elicit their interest.Here's some links if you want to read more about querying a self published title. It's not impossible if you have great numbers :)
http://jetreidliterary.blogspot.co.nz...
http://rejecter.blogspot.com/2012/07/...
http://www.ladieswhocritique.com/ask-...
http://ktliterary.com/2014/09/lets-ta...
http://litreactor.com/columns/ask-the...
Brenda, your query doesn't mention anything about Sara's goals or your unnamed hero's goals. It's romantic suspense, but what's suspensy about it other than it being during a time of war? Also, 108k words is about 20k words longer than most traditional publishers print for romance.
AW, thanks for that info. I wondered about that.
(I'm writing from my phone so I can't see your original post as I type.)
Hello :)I'm a little out of practice with this and I was wondering if any of you authors could give me some input on this query letter. Thanks!
Dear Agent,
Sixteen year old Madison Kekoa lives in a world where one’s status in their monarchy is determined by how powerful their dragon ancestry is. On the small vacation island of Mabi, Madison can’t care less about things like her ‘status’, she has enough to deal with just surviving the double life she’s leading.
By day she impersonates a human, living as a normal teenager, going to high-school and infiltrating the affluent anti-draconic families of Mabi. At night, Madison works as a henchman, protecting the financial interests of her grandfather’s hotel-empire that spans across the Mabiian island chain. Madison is her grandfather’s most cherished weapon, she has the ability to steal and manipulate emotions, even to drain someone of their ability to feel joy if they’ve jeopardized her grandfather’s revenue.
Madison’s job might not be ideal, but it keeps her sisters fed and her grandfather from finding out that Madison’s mother squanders their monthly allowance on shopping and throwing extravagant parties. But more importantly, being essential to her grandfather’s capitalistic empire keeps Madison from being trained as a wife for other rich and powerful dracon, as all one-eighth blood dracon girls usually are.
Madison life is just manageable, until the half-dragon Wyvern Manderson vacations to her island. Wyvern Manderson is rich, powerful, and famous for something or other; he’s also a complete jerk and just keeps showing up, sabotaging Madison’s missions and ordering Madison around. On top of that, for some reason he’s always angry at her.
Pretty soon Madison is suspended from further missions, facing eminent financial ruin and still has to see the jerk everywhere she goes. When Madison’s good friend Amanda from her human-high-school vanishes, Amanda turns out to be Wyvern Manderson’s human half-sister he’s been keeping secret for her protection. Knowing that Madison lives a double life and has befriended Amanda, Madison is Wyvern’s first suspect. When Madison proves her innocence, she is Wyvern’s best hope for finding Amanda.
Taking on the mission to find Amanda might be the opportunity Madison needs to save her family from financial ruin, but to do it she has to spend all day everyday with Wyvern and the unwelcome attraction that’s growing between them.
As Madison and Wyvern delve deeper into the Amanda’s disappearance, they find that Amanda was neither the first girl to disappear nor the last. When girls start being discovered dead, Madison realizes that her heart isn’t the biggest thing she’s risking in this investigation, she very well might be the next to die.
Henchgirl is a Young Adult Contemporary High Fantasy novel completed in 114,000 words. The intention with this novel was to cross a loose adaptation of the very popular ‘Pride and Prejudice’ storyline with an original urban fantasy plotline in a contemporary fantasy world for young adults. Henchgirl has the traditional elements of the urban fantasy genre, gritty world-building, a supernatural mystery, a sassy sarcastic heroine and an alpha-male love interest. Rather than being Paranormal, the contemporary Hawaii-inspired setting in this novel is High Fantasy.
I am the author of two self-published novels, The Deception Dance and The Lie Spinners. You can find me on my Wordpress site, my Goodreads page and my Amazon author page.
Thank you for your time.
Rita it's way too long. This clocks in at well over 500 words. You need to keep to around 250 words maximum, which is a one page business letter if you had to use a typewriter. It also reads much like a synopsis, which is good if you're writing a synopsis, not so good for the query.Go to QueryShark and spend some time in the archives. Query letters have a certain formula and you still need to convey the "voice" of your manuscript:
1. Hook. A short punchy sentence that grabs the agent's attention.
2. The meat. Stick to the three Cs - character, conflict, crisis.
3. Business stuff. Word count, genre, comp titles and any relevant bio.
Query letters are really hard. Good luck :)
A.W. wrote: "Rita it's way too long. This clocks in at well over 500 words. You need to keep to around 250 words maximum, which is a one page business letter if you had to use a typewriter. It also reads much l..."Thank you!!
Brenda wrote: "Hello my fellow comrades! I am submitting my first query letter to an agent and, quite honestly, I am terrified! I have already taken much advice from The Guide to Literary Agents, but would love..."
Hello Brenda,
It's been a while for me. Back in the day, I wrote so many query letters, I could have papered my house with them. But, it's very well written, although as A.W. stated, the agent will want to know your sales because that will determine how interested they will be.
Besides, the books that are already mentioned, I'd like to add a few by a well-known literary agent who represents New York Bestsellers--Noah Lukeman.
...A Writer's guide to staying out of the rejection pile.
How to write a great query letter
How to land and keep a literary agent
Either one is good. I know by taking his advice, I have learned so much. I love self-publishing, but if he called me tomorrow, I'd reconsider in a second.
I hope this helps:)
http://www.groovylee.com/
Rita wrote: "Hello :)I'm a little out of practice with this and I was wondering if any of you authors could give me some input on this query letter. Thanks!
Dear Agent,
Sixteen year old Madison Kekoa lives ..."
Hi, Rita
Look at the reply right above this message and check out the books I listed for Brenda. You will find them very helpful. I used to write a lot of query letters, now I'm happily self-published.
From what I can remember, your Query letter is a bit long. The agents only want the beginning paragraph or two of your story. This way they can tell if you can edit your work and still make it catch the eye of the reader. If they want to read the complete synopsis, they'll ask for it. Then follow that with a paragraph or two about you and your writing abilities (what writing classes did you take?)
Also, you are inviting them to come and find you--not going to happen. They are very busy and don't have the desire or time. (They are very persnickety) Let them know that you will send them whatever they wish to see, and you can't wait to hear from them.
And last but not least, they'll want to know how many books you've sold on your own. The higher the number, the more their interest. Oh--write their names, Dear Agent sounds as if this is one of many generic letters you're sending out, they don't like that.
I hope this helps:)
http://www.groovylee.com/
Groovy wrote: "Rita wrote: "Hello :)I'm a little out of practice with this and I was wondering if any of you authors could give me some input on this query letter. Thanks!
Dear Agent,
Sixteen year old Madison..."
Thank you so much for your info and advice !
Rita, I love the idea of a high fantasy Pride and Prejudice!I agree with the others - too long! Also, how attached are you to the names of your characters? They're really similar and I stumbled a lot while reading.
Good luck!
Query letters are not my favorite! I always think: Succinct but sweet! I don't follow any traditional query rules all of the time either. I write what I think will be valuable for the agent or company, but I don't overthink it, because then I just get stressed. Don't make it too long and just provide enough of a teaser to make the agent say, "I want to read more."
The following is my own outline for a query letter. I researched it extensively and this is a combination of several outlines and numerous opinions from agents and publishers. I hope it helps. Remember this is a business letter - get to the point and keep it short - respect their limited time. Always proofread your final draft and be absolutely sure there are no errors.
Use your own letterhead (make up your own if necessary - keep it simple) and be sure it includes your full name, (+ pen name if applicable), address, phone #, email address, website link. Be sure to address the agent/publisher by their full name.
Start with a short paragraph about the story itself - 3 to 4 sentences is all you need.
Next paragraph include title, genre, sub-genre, #of words. State anything unique about the work - such as based on a true story, real person, etc. Stick to the facts (not opinion) and state you have included a synopsis and sample chapter(s).
If you expect to get any answer be sure your book's length is within the acceptable guidelines for the genre - if you're not sure - Google it or check publishers' submission requirements.
If it has already been self-published, you need to tell them and include your stats: how long on the market, # of versions published and related sales figures (#sold @ price). Do NOT include reviews.
Do NOT provide links to your sites in the body of the letter (can be in the letterhead).
Do NOT compare your book to any current best sellers. Again let them decide.
Do NOT express your opinions or conclusions. Everyone knows how you feel about your book, and no one wants to be told how much they will love it. They will decide for themselves. They're busy - skip the fluff.
Include a detailed synopsis (3-5 pages) and the first two (or three) chapter. Put everything they need in front of them, so they can decide whether they want to engage you further.
Thank them and sign your letter. Everything should be on 1 page with the synopsis and chapters attached.
Good luck!
I've been told that you should always start off with a bit of a teaser/mini-blurb about the book itself. The reasoning was that you're selling your book and have to hook them immediately. It's just like writing a book.I've also been told that many agents will just throw the letter away if you include more than a single page with 3 short paragraphs. Treat it like a resume for your book. If they're interested they'll ask for pages and synopsis.
Finally, every agent is different. Many of them will say right in their submission guidelines what they want. I tailored every query letter differently depending upon the agent I was targeting.
Take all of this with a grain of salt because after two years of really bad experiences with agents who were rude, abusive and mostly just non-responsive, I stopped putting myself out there and just self published. I know it's not for everyone but I love it.
Wow! thank you for all the advice everyone!
J.D. wrote: "I've been told that you should always start off with a bit of a teaser/mini-blurb about the book itself. The reasoning was that you're selling your book and have to hook them immediately. It's just..."I agree with you J.D.
There should be a thread just for dealing with agents. Like you, I got so fed up with them telling me I wasn't good enough for their time, I decided to go the self-publishing route, and let me tell you, I haven't looked back.
All thanks to Kindle, I can write what I want and people like it, they actually like it! Agents don't always know what will sell or what won't. I used to feel that they just like the power of rejecting unknowns.
I'm so glad that they can't bar my way from getting my work published anymore. My books are doing well, and my fan base is growing everyday. I can pay a few bills now, and I love it!
All the best to you in the journey of traditional publishing, Brenda. Please come back and let us all know how it went. Tell us about the agent you were able to connect with--everything!I hope to see you on the Bestselling list one day:)
Goodreads Authors/Readers
Books mentioned in this topic
The First Five Pages: A Writer'S Guide To Staying Out of the Rejection Pile (other topics)How to Write a Great Query Letter: Insider Tips & Techniques for Success (other topics)
How to Land (and Keep) a Literary Agent (other topics)
I have already taken much advice from The Guide to Literary Agents, but would love and appreciate any other feedback whether it be general or specific.
Also, I have added a paragraph of my "marketing vision" because this specific agent asks for it.
Thank you in advance! Here it is:
Dear______:
I would love for you to represent Sara in the Army, my 108,000-word, twenty-something, romantic suspense war novel, which contains subtle Judeo/Christian values and is currently self-published.
WWIII has erupted and even Sara Andrews is drafted into the U.S. Army prior to completing her M.D. Her skills prove useful however, as she is promoted to be a “Doctor” on the front lines. While attempting to save the world, Sara falls for the lethal-weapon-of-a-body, yet soft and caring Lieutenant Colonel of her unit. How will their love survive despite the conflicts of unknown enemies, criminals within the camp, insubordination, the unbalance of professional and personal relationships and, most of all, the aftermath of Sara’s traumatic and tragic past?
On your agency’s Books & Such website you posted your interview with Kirk Kraft at the Northwest Christian Writers Renewal Conference in which you stated that you would like to represent a romantic suspense for those in their twenties or thirties. I believe my novel is a perfect fit for your interests. Furthermore, if you choose to represent me I trust you will find the qualities you have stated you wish for in a prospective client to be in place.
My vision for marketing this book is for you and me to work together as a team through any available and feasible social media including my current blog (linked with Goodreads) and Facebook page, as well as interviews, book signings, conferences or by any other means your expertise will allow. I am currently a member of the Wyoming Writers Inc., which holds annual conferences and can assist with networking in many areas. I envision this book as the first of a duology. The second book, Unknown Enemies, is underway.
I am currently submitting my query to other agents. If you are interested I would love to send you a synopsis and partial manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Brenda Hodnett