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Does anyone else have an emotional breakdown when you publish your books?
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Yes, I know this feeling! I wonder whether what happens is there's been such a long period focusing on finishing the book and publishing it and then once it's out there there is a bit of a feeling of loss, and wondering what to do now! Although I usually have an idea for my next book and sometimes I've started working on it, I do have a period of feeling deflated at a time it seems like it should be really exciting, and because the new project is only just starting I don't have so much sense of urgency or emotional involvement with it yet. I'm not really sure what the best way is to get through it - I'd also be interested in hearing ideas! I usually find the feeling fades fairly quickly, though it can be a week or two for me. I think I've heard of this sort of thing in other sorts of creative occupations as well when a big project comes to an end, so I don't think you're alone.
Hope you start feeling better soon and congratulations on your third book! :)
I have published 4 books. With the release of the first I was elated at finishing it, followed by mortification for the work yet to be done for promoting it, etc. The next 3, when released, had me facing trepidation with the task of promotion and marketing. At no time have I experienced hopelessness or despair — even when the reviews merely trickled in, likewise the sales.Now, after 7-8 years working on my first historical fiction (which has morphed into a 2-book collection) I am close to finishing book One. Next step ... editing. Because of the subject matter this book actually has me excited to have it released.
I hope you can climb out of your funk, Lizzie. Just remember, you are not alone, there are so, so many of us who have gone before you who are too willing to help out whenever we can.
It's called postpartum depression and it's common after giving birth.
I was second guessing everything. Did I put in enough detail? Did I spend enough time editing? Does the subject matter make sense? Even after having other people look it over I still couldnt shake my nerves. I suppose I was being extremely over critical seeing as it was my first. It actually took my girlfriend to hit the publish button because I froze.
Once published I cannot read my books. I just can't.
While I was working on the novel it felt like the story and the world was entirely mine - to do with as I wish. The moment it got out there it felt different, like the characters I cared about so much were suddenly exposed with their most private fears and moments laid bare for all to see. It felt like I'd pushed my children out into the world, vulnerable to the critical eyes of strangers. I kept wondering, did I do enough? Did I show them in the best way I could? lolI too felt a little lost once I hit the publish button. So many months of focused work and then suddenly, it was done. I planned to continue straight away with the next story but there was so much more to do with marketing...I had no idea! I'm only now really getting back into full stride with the new novel.
Mod
Constantly amazed at how we're all authors, but in some ways we're so different. I write the kinds of books I want to read but no one else is writing, that I know of. So, after they've been out a while, I love picking them up and reading them again.
I wouldn’t say I have an emotional breakdown, but I do get really emotional and excited that I set my story free into the world to be eaten up, loved and hated lol!
I feel a weight lifted off me when I release my books. Finally I can breathe.
i'm right there with you Dwayne. I can pick up my book and read it and still like the story. Being my own worst critic, I always see things I need to change, but I'm not unhappy with the story. When I publish, it's like my kids leaving home...they are on their own and I'm off to the next book. I'm still working on marketing, but I don't worry about the ones I have out right now.
(FYI, you need to look of some of the things Dwayne has written. I'm so jealous of his wonderful stories.)
Dwayne wrote: "Laura wrote: "Once published I cannot read my books. I just can't."Constantly amazed at how we're all authors, but in some ways we're so different. I write the kinds of books I want to read but n..."
Maybe your best comment yet, Dwayne. I love reading my own books since I'm likely to write more books based on my trilogy (as long as they are inspired that is). And I've never read any other book that has writing quite like mine...unique fiction indeed (as stated on my original omegabooksnet site.
Lizzie wrote: "So I published my third book this morning. Over a year of planning, writing, editing and formatting and just like that it's released into the big bad world. I should be feeling elated, I should be ..."I hear you. I have similar feelings. I have only published one book and it left me drained. Now I am translating it to Spanish...
As Emily, says, I feel also some sort of nakedness, of overexposed vulnerability, not for my characters but for myself.
Mod
I have a hard time guessing how exactly I'll react to releasing my book, though. Probably some degree of mixed feelings.
Tim wrote: "It's called postpartum depression and it's common after giving birth."Brilliant...
My books are all about how to manage emotions and thoughts. I have two for parents and one for young adults. I am busy on a course for someone in the UK and it did get the better of me a couple of days ago. Being of the older set my computer skills are basic and this all looked too much. Well, I stopped, did some thinking and have a plan and strategy worked out. Writing is difficult because we do it on faith, not knowing the future. Bless all the fellow-writers and we need to encourage each other.
I'm usually excited, and thinking about the next book. Sometimes planning short stories that tie into the book I just wrote.
Lizzie wrote: "I should be feeling proud and excited to get some feedback, instead I'm deflated and a little bit hopeless."Been there, done that.
I get moderately excited the first few days but end up feeling that hopelessness.
But I get that same feeling more during editing … especially the novel I've been hesitating over for, what, six years now? Still haven't committed to publishing it.
On the other hand, I can read my old work and get into it. I dread doing that but once I'm reading it, I usually am like "Oh … hey, this isn't nearly as bad as I feared!"
But once done and published, they don't feel like my books anymore. I'm kinda done with them. I got what I wanted/needed out of them during the writing process and once they're "finished" (if such a thing is possible) they're somebody else's problem.
Dwayne wrote: "Constantly amazed at how we're all authors, but in some ways we're so different. I write the kinds of books I want to read but no one else is writing, that I know of. So, after they've been out a while, I love picking them up and reading them again."Yep, this, all day long :)
Lizzie wrote: "So I published my third book this morning. Over a year of planning, writing, editing and formatting and just like that it's released into the big bad world. I should be feeling elated, I should be ..."Lizzie, sounds like it is time for a vacation. Take a couple days off (3) and relax. You have worked hard. Let your celebration be rest.
So, after they've been out a while, I love picking them up and reading them again.Me too.
Mod
Thanks, B.A. How kind!
I like Tim's analogy of post partum depression. Very apt. Yes, it can be a little like that. For me it's more like suddenly finding myself an "empty nester." My ink babies have gone off into the big bad world. Don't they need me any more? It's exciting but a little anti-climactic, particularly when you've poured your everything into your writing as I'm sure we all do. You want everyone to love your children as much as you do but... they may not. The book that you've toiled on for a year (or years) is just one of hundreds of thousands out there. It may not get any attention or sales. You take a deep breath and think, "Huh! Was it all for nothing?" We have to know in our hearts that the answer is no - a thousand times NO! So, we continue to write and we continue to hope. We're not alone.
Maybe (definitely) I am too new to this to fully understand it, but I feel more anxious and excited than anything sad or negative when I published my first short story. I find I am basically spending my days hitting 'refresh' on the sales page to see how it's doing which borders on insanity. It really changes your perspective on writing once it goes from an ambiguous Word document on your computer to something people can critique after choosing to purchase...
Things I Fear wrote: "Maybe (definitely) I am too new to this to fully understand it, but I feel more anxious and excited than anything sad or negative when I published my first short story. I find I am basically spen..."
LOL I can totally relate to the …"borders on insanity." I think the sadness starts to creep in when you realise that people may not appreciate your "baby" like you do and then you're like... what? Why not? Why are they not buying my book? They loved it when it was free on Wattpad so surely they love it enough to fork out the cost of a cup of coffee? Surely, it is a masterpiece. What else can I possibly do besides what I'm already doing to get my book noticed? Do I have to cut off an ear and go into mad artist mode? (No don't do that, I'm kidding lol). Be prepared for a roller coaster of emotions though.
A wee bit, but in many ways its a great relief. Once the "big button" is pressed, the nuke is launched and there is no going back. That means I can look forward to the next book and start working on that one. After all, the next one is already burning a hole in my mind half way through the current one.
Thank you all so much for the replies, it's overwhelming and heartening to hear that these feelings are not unusual. I too am now in the maniacal stage of refreshing the sales page to see if it changes (it doesn't very often) but did I really sit down in the beginning, to write my books just to sell them? No. I wrote them because I couldn't not.I will write myself out of this funk. Thanks for the love and support!
Lizzie wrote: "Thank you all so much for the replies, it's overwhelming and heartening to hear that these feelings are not unusual. I too am now in the maniacal stage of refreshing the sales page to see if it cha..."Roxanna just clicked LIKE on your comment and put a happy emoji below it. :-)
Mod
No links. No self promotion. Thanks.
You're not alone Lizzie, et al. Once I published and followed my marketing plan, and it didn't turn out to be a #1, I became disappointed and disillusioned. But I write because I like to, and the road to success isn't immediate. Testimonials from hugely popular authors will say the same. The thing I don't swallow easily is that I can read some bestselling author works, and they are just horrible, or boring at least.In any case, writing is a very emotional experience. I really enjoyed my first two manuscripts.
So, don't give up. I won't.
Mod
Sales don't mean quality and vice-versa. I've read many books I've really enjoyed and they had <10 reviews on GR by that time. If a publisher is willing to invest in marketing because they trust a book, it's about their persistence more than about book quality.
Mod
When a book is not to the taste of one individual reader, it doesn't mean it doesn't deserve to be a best seller. You might think it's a horrible or boring book, but obviously most people don't. Try to keep this in mind if you become a best seller and someone says your book is horrible. They are only right - for themselves.
I have tried to limit my psychosis to mania. When the door knobs start talking in the imagined accents of my characters, I self-medicate until I can remember my name.
I'm going through pre-release depression/discouragement right now. Working on finalizing the blurb and the cover but constantly second-guessing myself as to whether it will be "good enough" to get clicks and reads (and reviews). One of the strongest arguments is the past few failures, which I am countering by trying to correct the obvious mistakes I've made in the past (non-genre cover, poor opening paragraph, etc.).One thing I should point out is that it doesn't help that I tried going the way of an agent. I spent the last year and a half second guessing my blurbs and revising my synopsis every couple of weeks...and only got as far as getting ghosted after a partial request. Now that second-guessing is playing against me as I feel like nothing I have to offer to the indie market is good enough to get past the "ghosting".
One of the things that does keep me going is the "gatekeeper" attitude I've gotten from within the literary industry--and not just the agents I've talked with (through queries and social media). I tried to enter my work in several contests last year and only one allowed me to enter (they say they welcome indies, but the requirements are so high they're really not letting any in). The one contest I entered I got great reviews from all the judges except the "gatekeeper" who gave an incredibly low score and a "this doesn't belong in the industry" explanation. So now I'm going to put it out there anyways and see how well the non-gatekeepers like it. I guess you could say this is my "fighter" side showing up.
The "now what?" depression usually hits me about two weeks after a release. I'm usually so busy right after I publish with promotion and updating everything, that I don't think about it. I'm just relieved it's done and out in the world. It's once all of the initial hype dies down that I get that awful feeling of insignificance. But it also passes quickly.
I've published 8 books since 2013. I always get really nervous right as I'm hitting that Publish button. It's hard to send your little babies out into the world and hope that they're not ignored and that the readers who will love them as you do will find them and that they won't get lost out there.
I have been a lurker for a while and finally published my first book. It's good to know I am not alone with the emotional roller coaster of a week this launch has been for me.My poor husband didn't know what to do but feed me ice cream.
W. wrote: "I have tried to limit my psychosis to mania. When the door knobs start talking in the imagined accents of my characters, I self-medicate until I can remember my name."Cheers.
Tomas wrote: "William wrote: "The thing I don't swallow easily is that I can read some bestselling author works, and they are just horrible, or boring at least."Sales don't mean quality and vice-versa. I've re..."
You guys are so right.
I had the editor for a best selling (unnamed on this board) author tell me point blank, I love your book. Nobody's buying. Big publishers are sticking with the "sure sell." Authors who have already proven. So I went out on my own and self published. Do I have a ton of readers? No. But I have a few that are loyal and love my characters. It's enough for me. (Not writing to get rich anyway.)I hold it together pretty well when I hit the "publish" button. The harder part for me is times like now - I'm desperately trying to find the hours in the day to finish the rough draft of book #5 while my editor's notes on book #4 are sitting on my desk. I'll get myself upset worrying about getting behind on the timeline.
Ok, So try 'voracious readers' to collect a greater following. Then try 'askdavid.com' for some free dates. We're in the same boat, struggling. But keep trying. I've heard many authors, famous authors, took ten years to be recognized. With each book I get better. Forget other peoples opinions, the ones you don't know or are that are unbiased. If you're writing to make an income you are up against it. It's hard.Why can't we use this discussion to share our works. I read, I'll read yours!
Shoot away!
Bill S
and yes, I have an emotional connection to what I write and 'did' get really upset when it wasn't read widely. It's just 'folks can't ready everything' and simply don't know you wrote good stuff.
Lizzie wrote: "So I published my third book this morning. Over a year of planning, writing, editing and formatting and just like that it's released into the big bad world. I should be feeling elated, I should be ..."Lke LK and others, this was the first time I've experienced this let-down/depression after publication. However, this was the first where my heart was on the line...it was my memoir...now people could/would and are invited to judge my life! Eek, what had I done? So, I think the upshot of this small, weekend depression is the more I'm involved in the character and their actions the more protective I will be about the finished project and the more I'll be like a mother hen watching her chicks leave the nest. We'll get over...we better had since there's so much marketing to do!
I'm just the opposite. Whilst working on a book, I have all sorts of things going round in my head and they distract me from normal life. As soon as I get the final draft off to the printers, I feel a great relief - as it's all there in print - I don't need to carry it around in my head any more. It's as if I have off-loaded a great deal of information, feeling, creative effort and whatever...But that's nothing compared to the expectation as I wait for the first paper copy to hold and read.
After publishing our second, I now REALLY understand Anne Bradstreet's poem "An Author to Her Book" -enjoy!Thou ill-formed offspring of my feeble brain,
Who after birth didst by my side remain,
Till snatched from thence by friends, less wise than true,
Who thee abroad, exposed to public view,
Made thee in rags, halting to th’ press to trudge,
Where errors were not lessened (all may judge).
At thy return my blushing was not small,
My rambling brat (in print) should mother call,
I cast thee by as one unfit for light,
The visage was so irksome in my sight;
Yet being mine own, at length affection would
Thy blemishes amend, if so I could.
I washed thy face, but more defects I saw,
And rubbing off a spot still made a flaw.
I stretched thy joints to make thee even feet,
Yet still thou run’st more hobbling than is meet;
In better dress to trim thee was my mind,
But nought save homespun cloth i’ th’ house I find.
In this array ‘mongst vulgars may’st thou roam.
In critic’s hands beware thou dost not come,
And take thy way where yet thou art not known;
If for thy father asked, say thou hadst none;
And for thy mother, she alas is poor,
Which caused her thus to send thee out of door.
Nope, can't say that I do. I write for fun and don't market. :)
I don't have that kind of negative feeling after a project is completed. Rather, I give thanks to the awesome creator of the universe for helping me out. Try giving thanks in all circumstances, it can alter your negative mood.
HMMMM... *folds arms*I can't say I relate to the "what next" feeling. Just completing the projects I left halfway would take me more than the average human lifespan. My toughest ordeal is finishing things, not starting them.
In any case, I remember back when I was a fanartist/fanfic writer that I would like pairings that were not the most popular ones, and had to take people gushing about works far worse than mine just because they've chosen a more popular couple, and mine get a lot less attention. I would hit the 'Publish' button with all my enthusiasm and get a mediocre response--or worse. It happened so many times that I guess I've built a pretty thick skin back then.
Oh, and I enjoy rereading my stuff. Nobody writes exactly what I like except for myself, after all.
Releasing the first was all so new and awe inspiring but I remember this feeling with the release of my second book. Has anyone else gone through this? How do you celebrate your published works, or at least pull yourself out of the slump? Thanks in advance, Lizzie