Genova, Lisa - Still Alice ; Informal Buddy Read ; Start Date December 16 2014

[Karen ⊰✿, Fiction Aficionado]

I just need to finish another netgalley book and then I'll start this one later this week :o

[Renee]

I just plowed through a few NetGalley books too, finally got back over 80% feedback sent. Then got approved for another book today......It's like an addiction!

[Karen ⊰✿, Fiction Aficionado]

lol I hear you Renee. I have a problem... I keep having 3-4 netgalley books to read at a time :o

[Margaret]

Hi Sarah....I can't to hear what you think of it :)

[Renee]

I'm halfway through now.
Shed my first tears
(view spoiler)[ When Alice forgot where the toilet was. Sobbing. I think I'm a bit emotionally raw from finishing Looking for Alaska yesterday, didn't realise that was going to be an emotional punch in the face too, should have though. (hide spoiler)]

I'm still impressed with how the author gets me so emotionally involved, especially as the writing style is a bit clinical and a little more distant than first person POV. And even though I've read it before and I know what's coming, I'm still crying. The emotions that can be brought out with images and music make me think the movie version will make me cry even more.

[Margaret]

I can't wait to see the movie, it will be interesting how much they will try to follow the movie. It is an emotional book isn't it? One of my favorites of the year, for sure. Yes, interesting how the author manages to somehow pull the reader into the midst of Alice's disease and struggle. So, do you think that it worked better than a first person POV? In a way, I think so because I have read books that dealt with an emotional subject as this from that particular style and it seemed a bit too much and worked a different response in me. In my mind, I am thinking it was an intentional, brilliant choice. :)

[Renee]

I prefer this than a 1st person pov. The more observational view suits Alices Harvard research lecturer persona.

Alices progression is starting to take its toll on John.
(view spoiler)[ It was so sweet that he stayed to run with he even though he hates running. I got choked up when he came home with the movies. Now he seems to be losing patience. He is avoiding running with her. I feel for him though. It is hard to transition from lover to carer. It puts a whole different dynamic on a marriage. He would be going through a continual grief process. I don't want to judge him. you don't know how you will cope in a situation like this until you are in it. (hide spoiler)]

[Renee]

More sobbing.
(view spoiler)[
Alices speech.
Dan's thankyou.

Then every thing near the end. All the little things like John becoming "the man who owns the house" and her daughters becoming "the mother" and "the actress". Her watch becoming "wrist clock" (hide spoiler)]

Finished the book. I haven't had such a good cry for ages. Cleansing for the soul. It had the same effect on me this time as the first time I read it. Need to find something light and fluffy now. Sure to be something in the huge pile of books I have.

[Srividya]

All these chats have made me curious. I also have this book. Will try and squeeze it in. Not sure when though!

[Allison Ann]

Renee wrote: "I prefer this than a 1st person pov. The more observational view suits Alices Harvard research lecturer persona.

Alices progression is starting to take its toll on John.
[ It was so sweet that he stayed to run with he even though he hates running. I got choked up when he came home with the movies. Now he seems to be losing patience. He is avoiding running with her. I feel for him though. It is hard to transition from lover to carer. It puts a whole different dynamic on a marriage. He would be going through a continual grief process. I don't want to judge him. you don't know how you will cope in a situation like this until you are in it. (hide spoiler)] "

I didn't like John much either, but it is impossible to guess how hard being a caregiver is until it happens. Caring for someone with Alzheimer's is NOTHING like caring for a toddler, which is the most common comparison I have heard from people who are guessing. Completely different! My mother and I shared caregiving duties for my grandmaman for 4 years - 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year.

Explaining how hard it is to someone who isn't doing it is near impossible and the tendency to turn into a martyr is hard to avoid. Something always seemed to happen if you took even an hour off. When we finally needed a break, we brought her to stay with my aunt who has 6 daughters who all promised to help. We explained things until we were blue in the face, wrote schedules and tips and still she had fallen within 24 hours, broken her hip, was hospitalized and spent the next 3 years rapidly deteriorating in hospice. It is hard not to feel desperately guilty.

The disease makes me so angry and I totally understand Alice's plan to kill herself. I'm going to wander out into the winter woods and lie down and fall asleep. It seems a logical plan to me, especially as I don't have a daughter and granddaughter to take care of me.

[Karen ⊰✿, Fiction Aficionado]

I just started and have finished the first chapter. So far I quite like the style and how so quickly we have learnt about Alice's relationship (or otherwise) with Lydia and her husband. It is also interesting to see "Dr Google" in action. I wonder how many people have googled symptoms to make their own diagnosis and therefore not get the help they need (or alternatively freak out and think they have a terrible disease!)

[Renee]

I've been known to google symptoms, but if I'm ever concerned, straight to the doctor.

[Shinjini]

I couldn't fit this into my reading schedule until today. I am reading a tear-jerker and wasn't sure if I could handle another one but all these comments have intrigued me too much!

A question, will I be crying a lot while reading this? I am known to shed tears easily.

[Margaret]

YES! :) but it is worth the cry

[Karen ⊰✿, Fiction Aficionado]

December 2003
The christmas pudding scene (view spoiler)[ I'm so surprised her daughter didn't think it was odd that she threw eggs all over the kitchen. Surely that's not usual behaviour?! (hide spoiler)]

February 2004
With the genetic counselor (view spoiler)[ I really felt for John here. He wanted to believe in something so much and now has a poor result for his wife and his kids. I have a large family history of breast cancer and so have spoken to genetic counsellors about testing for abnormalities in the 2 genes they are aware of so this scene really resonated for me. (hide spoiler)]

[Margaret]

Karen wrote: "December 2003
The christmas pudding scene [spoilers removed]February 2004
With the genetic counselor [spoilers removed]"

You know, I thought it was odd as well (view spoiler)[I must admit that the egg throwing scene didn't seem to be realistic. Not that she threw them but her daughter didn't seem to think it was odd. It did leave me scratching my head on that. (hide spoiler)]

[Karen ⊰✿, Fiction Aficionado]

Yes although I just read a further chapter where Lydia mentions it. I guess the family are repressed and not very communicative!

[Renee]

Lots of denial and only seeing what you want to see. The daughters had probably chalked up the odd behaviour to menopause too.

[Karen ⊰✿, Fiction Aficionado]

That's possible Renee

[Karen ⊰✿, Fiction Aficionado]

August 2004

(view spoiler)[
Gee the disease is progressing quickly, isn't it? I really want her to not go back to Harvard. It seems like that is doomed and will end in an awful scene if she continues.
I love how her relationship with Lydia has progressed and for the first time she is able to understand her daughter. The other daughter Anna still seems like a piece of work. A bit neurotic and controlling!
Where she talks about the differences between her disease and cancer was very interesting and true. People seem to "get" cancer and feel empathy whereas with Alzheimer's they feel fear and sympathy. Big difference. (hide spoiler)]

[Margaret]

so true Karen!

[Karen ⊰✿, Fiction Aficionado]

December 2004

(view spoiler)[
Oh John. He just isn't coping is he? Part of me is so angry at him for just "getting on" with his life, and part of me completely understands. It seems that Alice and John were living separately but together for a while so I suppose it is natural he doesn't see a problem in continuing to live that way and I'm assuming will progerssively see Alice as a burden.
I love the support group for the patients. So hard to keep the tears at bay! (hide spoiler)]

[Margaret]

(view spoiler)[You know what I think the problem is? I think that John and Alice built their marriage and lives around their careers, in particular John. So when Alice starts to fail and needs her husband, he just isn't there for her because their marriage wasn't his priority, what a shame! I have been dealing with some neurological problems of late and my husband has been right there for me. It is amazing that I come first rather than career or his interests! This is not the case for Alice, what a lost. (hide spoiler)]

[Karen ⊰✿, Fiction Aficionado]

Good point Margaret, that is part of what I was thinking too. They both built their lives around Harvard and I liked how at one point Alice realises (view spoiler)[ that she is not his passion and never has been. It doesn't mean he doesn't love her, but his career certainly comes first, so it isn't an all encompassing type of love. (hide spoiler)] I think my husband would be like yours too, it is comforting to know you have someone to rely on like that when needed.

[Karen ⊰✿, Fiction Aficionado]

Renee wrote: "More sobbing....

Then every thing near the end. ..."

Yes I just finished and I agree with the ending. It wasn't at all what I was expecting the end to be. (view spoiler)[ I really like that it turns out that Alice is happy in her "bubble" world. I guess that John did take that job after all, and she stayed behind. Like Allison Ann said, I do have empathy for John's situation. It is a very difficult one to be thrust into, and I think the relationship that he and Alice had was all about their careers and it was a highly intellectual one. So he basically has a wife who is not the person he married or has lived with. Her kids seem to cope better because they have always loved her just as their mum. And I LOVED the scene with Lydia practising her lines and just wanting Alice's opinion on what emotion it gave her. Beautiful. (hide spoiler)]

[Margaret]

Karen....wasn't it great? That ending was beautiful...endings are important to me and I even have a shelf for the special ones :)

[Karen ⊰✿, Fiction Aficionado]

Absolutely! I really didn't think I could finish this book feeling (view spoiler)[ hope, love and positivity. What a fabulous job the writer did. (hide spoiler)]

[Renee]

They were both very career orientated. It's a bit like the couple that is so focussed on the kids that when they grow up and leave home, the couple have nothing to talk about and drift apart. Now that they don't have the intellectual connection, he doesn't know how else to relate.

I'm glad you enjoyed it, this was one of my favourite books that I read last year.

[Cynthia]

Karen, I've thought a lot about your comment "People seem to "get" cancer and feel empathy whereas with Alzheimer's they feel fear and sympathy. Big difference."

It's very true. I've taken care of a lot of people with cancer, and the people around them seem inspired by the fight, and hopeful in even the very latest days. I've often wondered if it's because the person with cancer seems magnified by it in some way. They seem bigger than life or death.

Alzheimer's isn't inspirational. It's scary. It eats away at the person more than cancer, because gradually what makes them who they are disappears, even while the body remains strong.

I've lost 3 relatives to it, and I'm definitely more afraid of having Alzheimer's than cancer.

[Karen ⊰✿, Fiction Aficionado]

Absolutely Cynthia. Cancer is something people feel they can rally around and be "strong".
Alzheimer's is just so debilitating, and especially if the person becomes violent, so hard for the family to watch. I don't have it in my family as yet, but it is in my husband's and the family didn't know how to react to his grandfather in those late stages and so didn't want to be around him. So I completely understand your fear and I think most people (including me) feel the same. Hopefully there will be a breakthrough in the near future to help give patients and their carers a better quality of life

[Margaret]

I think part of that fear and lack of understanding surrounding Alzheimer's is because of our value and importance that we put on the brain and our capacity for thought and intelligence. I have noticed that the same goes with a severe mental disorder or people with a wide range of diminished capacity. At least with cancer the enemy is something that is more tangible, the mind and brain is more of a mystery and ultimately valued more....very interesting. I remember when my father was dying from Prostate cancer and at the later stages it was in his brain which caused him to hallucinate and he became paranoid. I remember that this was the most difficult stage of all, not the dying but dealing with his cancer driven mental incapacity.

[Karen ⊰✿, Fiction Aficionado]

Very true Margaret. That was one of the things I really liked about this book ; in that they took a highly intellectual character as the focal point which made the disease more tragic for her somehow

[Allison Ann]

Also cancer can be fought and fighting Alzheimers almost seems to make it worse. People like John exhorting Alice to "try" is painful. Memory loss is not something you can overcome - you can't try harder to remember your children, you can't exercise to recover memories, no rehab will bring back your personality. It's heartbreaking.

[Margaret]

exactly Allison, well said :) and yes, it is heartbreaking.

[Karen ⊰✿, Fiction Aficionado]

Well stated Allison Ann

[Shinjini]

The holidays have really messed up my reading schedule. I haven't been able to read the book as much as I would have wanted to but I am slowly trying to get back to it.

I am currently in the December 2003 chapter where Alice goes in to see the doctor. She has had multiple episodes of memory loss and has finally decided to consult a specialist. What is surprising here is that the part of her brain that carries out cognitive development is still working and it is only her memory that is failing her. I thought that when certain neurological disorders occur, more than one area can show altered or hampered function. Or maybe it doesn't happen in every case.

It happens so fast and to think that there might be nothing to "cure" Alice is really sad. I really hope this book will not make me as sad as I expect. I'm already sad knowing I'm the last one reading. :(

[Margaret]

Shinjini: My reading schedule has been a bit off as well because of the holidays but today I am trying to get back on track. So, this book is dealing with a sad subject that is for certain and I think it is a sad journey for Alice and her family but it was so sensitively handled it didn't leave me feeling sad. For now you are the last one reading it (so far) but I don't think that you'll be the last one discussing it :)

[Renee]

Shinjini, I think it will make you as sad as you expect. The writing style is not over emotional, but somehow that seemed to make it even sadder. Prepare for some emotional cleansing :) I'll still be here to hold your hand.

[Srividya]

Shinjini - Don't worry Jins, you are so not the last one to read this! Sarah and I are planning to start reading this today! So we will join the discussions with all of you!

Margaret - I am back!! I think I am loving this 'tailing you' part of this challenge! Lol

[Sarah]

I am Starting this book now too.

[Margaret]

lol....I'm looking forward to hearing what the both of you think of the book, this will be fun :)

[Sarah]

Well for starters I have wondered what might happen with Alice and her younger daughter's relationship that is already strained, so wondering what Alice's slipping into dementia will do to the relationship.

[Karen ⊰✿, Fiction Aficionado]

Ah yes. The relationship with Lydia is a key plot point of the book

[Shinjini]

Thank you so much everyone! Your words have given me the push I needed. I can tell this book is going to be an emotional journey, Alzheimer's always is. And it doesn't help that I have known someone suffering from the disease. Maybe this book will help me understand the disease and the patient's perspective better.

My thoughts so far, (view spoiler)[ I can understand that it must have been difficult for John to believe that Alice was positive for Early Onset Alzheimer's. It is really difficult for the patients and their families to cope with the news. Even then, it did tick me off a bit. He was so against the whole idea that his wife could have the disease. I would have liked him better had he just been supportive and strong instead of suspicious and disbelieving. But I still feel really bad for him. I know how big a shock it can be.

And after Alice and John told their kids about the diagnosis, I love how Lydia was the only one who didn't want to know if she had the mutation as well. She does things differently in that family and I can understand her point of view. Also, it surprises me that Lydia, the one Alice was least close with, was the only one who saw some symptoms since the past year. And John didn't. (hide spoiler)]

[Margaret]

Shinijini: (view spoiler)[I think it is human nature to be slow to seeing symptoms in a family member and yet there is always at least one that does see the symptoms before the others do. John is so career orientated that Alice having Alzheimer's is a big wrench in his plans, that is for certain. I was so happy to see that Lydia was starting to establish more of a repoire with her Mom. Truthfully I would want to know if I have the gene, for any reason other than to prepare and also for the sake of my children. (hide spoiler)]
Where was this section? Since I have already read it, I wasn't too concerned about the spoilers but it might be good to indicate where you have read up to since we have some late comers to the book. :)

[Shinjini]

I finished the book and I am just making my way here with my thoughts. One truly appreciates their computer when it is broken.

I realised that I didn't include the chapter numbers in my previous post, Margaret but I have them all marked now. Sorry about that.

And I do understand what you mean. (view spoiler)[ I believe John simply didn't see the signs because he didn't know what to look for. He chalked it up to old age, I guess.

Had I been in Lydia's place, I would probably have done just as Anna and Tom did but I understand Lydia's perspective in the situation. Some people do wish to live without thinking about having a knife dangling over their necks. Maybe Lydia felt the same way at that moment. (hide spoiler)]

I will add all my thoughts in the following posts. I couldn't be here to update after every chapter but I jotted down my thoughts after almost each chapter. I hope that's not a problem.

[Shinjini]

July 2004

(view spoiler)[ John has now redeemed himself completely. To be so understanding and caring towards Alice when she couldn't find the bathroom, I now have no complaints. He is a good man.

This has been a difficult chapter. For Alice and as a reader, for myself. She now finds it difficult to trust John because she thinks that her mother and sister's deaths were kept from her. I am really wondering what is to become of Alice's relationships with her family members. If she finds it difficult to trust them now, how will she function later? (hide spoiler)]

August 2004

(view spoiler)[ I wish Anna, Tom and Lydia will stop fighting about who is enabling Alice and fight over whether she is lazy or not. This is painful to see knowing how Alice must be feeling hearing all this. I guess this happens in many families with an Alzheimer's patient. The end of the chapter where she fails to recognize Lydia is heartbreaking. (hide spoiler)]

September 2004

(view spoiler)[ Alice has to leave teaching and she has just lost a major part of her identity. She is no longer a teacher, no longer a research scientist. What a difficult position she is in. I hate the way her colleagues are treating her. It almost feels like they think her disease is contagious and they should thus keep away. It is pathetic, the way these people are treating her! Also, she has started repeating herself. But seeing her colleagues' reactions is painful. Why do so many people stigmatize mental illness? (hide spoiler)]

[Shinjini]

October 2004

(view spoiler)[ This book is getting more difficult to handle. Alice is starting to forget Lydia, her own daughter. I now understand what you all were talking about.

The gift she got from her family, the DVDs were very thoughtful though. A lovely present. Reminds me of the ending of the movie 50 First Dates. (hide spoiler)]

November 2004

(view spoiler)[ I think it's good that Alice is thinking of enrolling into a support group. But are support groups really that difficult to find or create? There are support groups for many other diseases. Why not Alzheimer's? (hide spoiler)]

December 2004

(view spoiler)[ It's getting worse for Alice and it is becoming harder for me to keep reading this. Seeing her getting reduced to someone who can barely remember where she is or what she is supposed to be doing is becoming more difficult by the moment, especially the part when she couldn't even locate where the beep sounds were coming from. But I am happy to see her interacting with other people going through the same troubles. This should be good for her. This is also the first time she got one of her answers wrong in her Butterfly test. I am going to commend the writing of the tests at the end of each chapter because it gives the reader a clear picture of the degree of brain degeneration occuring in her. (hide spoiler)]

[Shinjini]

January 2005

(view spoiler)[ I feel so, so bad for Alice. This book is breaking my heart. The entire argument scene with John about them moving to New York, the scene where she is frantically looking for something and the final scene in the chapter where she finds that her BlackBerry is dead are all sad. It hits her that the death of her organizer signifies the death of her career altogether. I wonder what is coming next. (hide spoiler)]

March 2005

(view spoiler)[ This chapter gave me my first tears. And these tears were from happiness. So proud of Alice and the speech she made in the Dementia Care Conference! That speech brought tears to my eyes and I am really glad I decided to pick this up. (hide spoiler)]

April 2005

(view spoiler)[ Alice couldn't recognise Anna. This book really is getting to me. Now the tears aren't from happiness anymore. This is the worst part of the disease, I think. The other things can still be worked out with help but forgetting how your children look like, that has got to be hard! (hide spoiler)]

May 2005

(view spoiler)[ When John asked Alice if he still wanted to be here, was he talking about whether she wanted to live anymore? I took the meaning that way. It could also be whether she wanted to stay in Cambridge anymore but why did he ask all those questions from the butterfly test? (hide spoiler)]

[Shinjini]

June 2005

(view spoiler)[ Alice found the contents of the butterfly folder but the actions that she wanted to take when she was healthier didn't happen the way she wanted it. Does John know about this test? I keep feeling like he does.

What Dan said and did for her was very touching. A very sweet gesture.
She doesn't recognize John for the very first time. Her brain degeneration is only getting worse. I am dreading the end of the book now. (hide spoiler)]

Summer 2005

(view spoiler)[ The last nail, she fails to recognize herself. And there's no going back. This book shows the Alzheimer's journey in such precise detail. I couldn't help shed a few tears again. (hide spoiler)]

September 2005

(view spoiler)[I had a feeling John would move to New York. But his reaction to the newspaper article was nothing short of devastating. Gosh! This book is too good. (hide spoiler)]