Week 233 (October 13-20). Poems. Topic: Tarot Card

[M]

You have until October 20 to post a poem, and October 21-22 we’ll vote for which one we thought was best.

Please post directly into the topic and not a link. Please don’t use a poem previously used in this group.

Your poem can be any length.

This week’s topic is: Tarot Card.

The rules are pretty loose. You can write a poem about anything that has to do with the topic. I do not care, but the poem you post must relate to the topic somehow.

Have fun!

Thank you to Ryan for suggesting the topic!

[Ryan]

Thanks, M.

[M]

Thank you for the topic!

[M]

Wow, Storm! Eight rhyming lines, that capture the brooding and shadowy atmosphere of the season. Very nice.

Robyn, what an interesting analogy--the changing arrangement of what the tide washes up, as if it were the changing cards in hands that are dealt. I remember beachcombing after storms, and picking up moon snails.

[Kristen]

Hi everyone! Nice work so far Storm and Robyn.

Sorry to have been away so long. I got quite busy planning my wedding and living in two new continents. But maybe I can come back to poetry now that I'm getting settled a bit again and have a stable internet connection. I don't know if I'll jump in on this topic, but I'd like to write again soon!

[M]

Congratulations on marriage, Kristen, and welcome back to writing!

[M]

Tarot


Ace of Swords
Queen of Rods
ancient hoards
druid gods

moonlit moor
rotting boards
midnight door
Queen of Swords

[Kristen]

Thanks M!

[Billie Jo]

*Give It Up*

Take it or leave it
You won't have another chance.
You're either on my side
Or you learn to dance
With the devil.
Once I'm gone I won't be coming back.
I won't listen to you ramble.
This isn't a decision that can wait
You can't decide my fate
Through taromancy
Or cartomancy.
Or whatever it is that you believe in
Get it together!
Or I'm leaving.
I won't let you be my psychic
I don't need you
I'm not desperate--It's really quite
Pathetic
How you think you can push me aside
Until a rather convenient time
When you realize I'm right
And you've lost the will the fight
So you ask me for forgiveness
And come crawling back, breathless.
Are you dense?
Do you think you are my present?
God gave me you
So I could get a clue
And I'll be damned
If I have
To spend
Another moment of this
"Bittersweet Romance"
That doesn't really exist
With you.
Don't think you know me
Because you don't
Don't try to own me
Because you won't
Don't tell me you are lonely
When the number of your hoes
Is higher than your IQ.
So Like I said
Give it up
And do us all a favor--stop trying.
Don't come crawling back to me
Lying.
You wouldn't tell the truth if your life depended on it
And you can't read the truth
Or the future
On the front of a tarot
Card.

[Jim]

first draft... so please tell me what you think - any and all critique most welcome!

thanks, guys!

-o-

14oktubre2014
645-2134
7woodpecker


The Last Fairground


It was not the fault of the Tarot
card reader. Stella by instinct
laughs when asked to surrender
herself to fate as found
at the flick of a card, at imagined
pictures in tea leaves, or at the scatter
of sticks and bones.

So I paid the woman extra
just to keep from being hexed
on our way out. A fist
in my pocket for trying
to make Stella see one last time
some order in our random
lives. But now it's clear.
We are bound to unravel.

She's already waving
at a distant taxi
whose driver I'll never see.

-o-

edited down to this version:

Not the Tarot Card Reader's Fault
version 2


Stella by instinct laughs
when asked to surrender
herself to fate as found at the flick
of a card, imagined pictures
in tea leaves, or the scatter
of sticks and bones.

So he paid the woman extra
just to keep from being hexed
on their way out. A fist
in his pocket for trying
to make Stella see one last time
some order in their random

lives. The buzz of fairground
crowds rose to the clear
late summer sky,
bound to unravel.

-o-
not sure which to keep

[Jamie]

Untitled
My lover can’t even look at me anymore
He knows of my betrayal and lies will haunt him forever more
Our fate rested in the cards she held
Will we make it or not now only time will tell
She shuffled twice and I let out a sigh
I adjusted myself in my seat trying not to cry
The first card laid down he let out a groan
He realized there was more to the story then he ever known
The Tower card sat on the table before me
My beautiful blue eyes were so watery I couldn’t see
Bad news is what that card meant and man was it true
He pushed back from the table and said “We are through!”
Our relationship was just settled by the turn of a card
I’ve never wanted to fight more for him but it was hard
He got up and stormed off but I had to let him go
But I am and always will be sorrier then he will ever know

[[deleted user]]

This is my poetry submission for the topic: Tarot Cards. Feedback is ALWAYS welcome!

The Beckoning by Melissa Andres

Cotton candy and clowns
Midway games galore
Roller coaster rides
Excited for more!

Laughing and giggling
Having fun at the fair
In her long robes
She'd give them a stare.

Her voice was seductive
As she beckoned to all
She would tell the future
With her crystal ball.

For just a few coins
She'd talk 'bout careers
Or romantic, sweet love
If they'd only come near.

Props and tricks
She used in her craft
Tarot cards and voodoo
Many thought daft.

Ouija boards and potions
Powders and the like
Hold on to her hand
She'd be ready to strike.

Beware of Miss Nuvie
She'll get in your head
Select the wrong card
You might end up dead!

[Mikaela]

Hey everyone, I'm new to this so welcome feedback, hope you like it!

Tell Me My Future
by Mikaela Robertson


What rubbish!
Said the boy to the witch
What rubbish!
Said he of the cards.

I'll make my own choice
I'll live my own life
I'll walk on the path I desire.

Foolish child!
Said the witch to the boy
Foolish child!
Said she of his faith.

You'll be back soon
You'll beg for a sign
You'll find freedom is simply too hard.

[Olga]

Hello everyone! First time posting here, so I'd love any feedback!

A quick note, The High Priestess is a card in the Tarot deck. Here's a picture link, for fun: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia...

The High Priestess
II

You know it's a secret when it's whispered.
She spoke to us only in hushed esoterica
and amid the hanging pomegranates
we learned the mysteries of the world.

Entrancing in her stony fortress, she told us
about the great flood, and what was before.
She told us, about the city of Troy, and what came after.
She told me, about the snakes
that slither through every garden.

She told us that Babylon must come again,
and that the tower of Babel
can be rebuilt as many times,
as there are men with oversized egos.
She said that that's a lot.

She told me my heart was a garden,
but I forgot to ask her about the snakes
that must live there along with the precious fruit.

To be a priestess, she said,
was knowing when to reveal.
To be a high priestess,
was knowing when to conceal.
And she was good at it.

Falling into her illusions was easy.
As easily, as she wove her robes around my garden,
did she turn into the snake,
that led me down this foolish road.
Though not the first woman who has done this,
she was the best.
How cleverly the crown on her head
covers the horns
that have broken through the virginal scalp

[Olga]

Jim wrote: "first draft... so please tell me what you think - any and all critique most welcome!

thanks, guys!

-o-

14oktubre2014
645-2134
7woodpecker


The Last Fairground


It was not the fault of the Taro..."




I really like both of them! I think you can combine elements from both. I think 1st person worked well, so keep that from the first one. The ending on both versions are great, and I don't even know which one I prefer. Maybe have both of them? Insert the 'she's waving down a taxi' stanza, and then follow up with 'the buzz of the fairground...' as your ending?


Actually, I have a question. What's the etiquette on leaving feedback? Is it appropriate to do so, when the author didn't specifically ask for critique? And is it appropriate to suggest changes to the the work, or not?

[Ryan]

Hi, Olga. In relation to your question, please have a read of the group rules here: https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/...

Basically, positive feedback is fine but do not give any critique whatsoever (no matter how helpful you may consider it to be) unless the author of the particular poem or story has written that they are happy for critique of the piece you intend to comment on. This group supports and encourages writers of many ages and experience levels and a big part of the charm is knowing that your writing can be posted without fear of being pulled apart if you choose so.

Thanks for asking :)

[[deleted user]]

Storm, Very nice! I love the description of the house and the ravens circling overhead. So creepy!

[[deleted user]]

Robyn, A very clever take on the topic! And, I love your "Untidaled" title! :)

[[deleted user]]

M, Short but sweetly creepy! Good job!

[[deleted user]]

Billie Jo, Wow! I could feel the anger in this one .. mixed with sadness as well. Nice job of portraying emotion!

[[deleted user]]

Jim, Although both versions of your poem are great, just in my humble opinion, for what it's worth, I prefer the first one. I'm not really sure why I do ... maybe I just feel like I am more "into" it somehow. But, I do kind of agree with Robyn, I'm not quite understanding about the fist in his pocket. Did he have more money in his pocket that he didn't fork over, feeling more in control of his life and destiny if he didn't? If I am totally off-base, I apologize!

[[deleted user]]

Jamie, I could feel the raw sadness in this one. But, it is a shame that mere cards ended the relationship. Maybe it wasn't meant to be anyway??

[[deleted user]]

Mikaela, Welcome to the group! You will find there are lots of wonderfully nice and encouraging people here! Hope you enjoy it! I sure do!

I really liked your first poem! And, I am with the boy in the poem; I believe that tarot cards and all that goes with it is rubbish, rubbish, rubbish! But, just the thought has made for some interesting poetry and stories this week! :)

[[deleted user]]

Olga, Welcome to the group too! As I said to Mikaela you will find many wonderfully nice and encouraging people here! They have all helped me so much! I hope you find nothing but uplifting words and joy here!

I really loved your piece! It gave me a sense of trickery and deceit ... just what you would imagine a high priestess to be. I don't really believe in that sort of thing, but you can insert any evil-type person there and I know there are plenty of those in the world, unfortunately. NICE job!

[M]

Thank you, Melissa!

[Jamie]

Melissa wrote: "Jamie, I could feel the raw sadness in this one. But, it is a shame that mere cards ended the relationship. Maybe it wasn't meant to be anyway??"

I agree.. When you love someone both people refuse to fight so this so called love its just time to push yourself away cut your loses and move on. Now if she would have went after him and begged him to forgive her and stay with her she would have shown that she was willing to fight. The choice to let him go wasnt an easy one it never is but she accepted that things were changed forever with her lies and did what she knew was the hardest and let him choose to walk away

[[deleted user]]

M, You're welcome!

Jamie, It is good to see that the girl let him go without whining and crying and making a fool of herself. (I've done that in the past - not a pretty situation!) So, maturity and experience tells you that, although you may not like something, you just have to "man up" and let it go. Some things are worth fighting for, but there are also things that you just know have to be over and you have to deal with it!

[Paula Tohline]

I was going to take another week off, but when I saw this week's topic, I knew I had one written a couple of years ago, that fits the subject nicely. So, "Hello! to all of you," and here goes:

Future Quest

What will I be when I grow up?
Who will fill my loving cup?
Will I know where I am when I arrive?
Will there be sweet honey in my hive?
Will I waste my precious youth?
Will I hold tightly to the truth,
my integrity beyond reproach,
ever sure in my approach,
always taking confident swings
at all the challenges living brings?
What's behind curtain number three?
If I choose it, will it prosper me?
Will I regret all of my choices,
failing to listen to wiser voices
which offer me the sound advice
that would steer me from a life of vice?
Will I be loved, will I have friends?
Will all my means bring noble ends?
Who will miss me when I'm gone?
Will I end up all alone,
a withered solitary soul,
never needed, not quite whole?
Does anyone have a crystal ball
or a coin to toss that I can call?
Will my life be heads or tails;
joy and laughter or tears and wails?
Please get out the tarot deck,
read the cards, I want to check
if all my dreams will be fulfilled,
or will my hopes, forever stilled
sink beneath an angry wave
no cherished promise left to save?
Is anyone out there who will tell me
will my life a living hell be?
Or perchance will I elect
to live life worthy of respect?
Will it be romantic comedy or suspense,
musical, drama, sit-com nonsense?
Please don't leave me in the dark!
Can't I have one tiny spark
to light my way, or must I go
without a pair of dice to throw?
Tell me, what exactly are the odds?
Will I live life by my rules, or God's?

[M]

I think this is beautifully written, Paula. The rhyming couplets are expertly handled.

[Mikaela]

Melissa wrote: "Mikaela, Welcome to the group! You will find there are lots of wonderfully nice and encouraging people here! Hope you enjoy it! I sure do!

I really liked your first poem! And, I am with the bo..."

Thanks Melissa :)

[Kristen]

I second M's comment, Paula! Well done!

[Adrian]

Paula, A very impressive run of rhyming couplets that told a great story on the way.

I've enjoyed reading them all this week, but sadly don't have time to comment on all of them.
Tarot card has proven to be a fertile subject.

[[deleted user]]

Paula - I'm glad you chose to post your poem this week! I absolutely loved it!! Awesome, awesome job!

[Anne]

Title: Luck of the Draw

The Tarot can be hard to read
If not well schooled in mystery.
An oracle for those that see
The signs for all eternity.

The query’s asked - the cards are spread
The future, present, past are read.
Of fire, water, earth and air
The suits combine, secrets to share.

Arcanas Major: twenty-two
Wisdom, forces, fate to view.
The power they can wield is great
And often delegate to fate.

Of Minors: fifty six are dealt
Their subtle messages are felt.
Love or wealth, so much at stake
Flip a card, it’s yours to take.

If Sun and Moon and Star appear
Luck is yours with naught to fear.
But
When all is said and done my friend
It’s still your choice and will to bend.

[[deleted user]]

Anne, Really loved your poem. It gives a lot of explanation as to which cards are supposed to do what. Even though I don't actually believe in this subject, all poems have been entertaining!

[Jim]

Olga wrote: "Jim wrote: "first draft... so please tell me what you think - any and all critique most welcome!

thanks, guys!

-o-

14oktubre2014
645-2134
7woodpecker


The Last Fairground


It was not the fault..."

Thanks, Olga! Still undecided.

[Jim]

Thanks, Robyn and Melissa!

[Anne]

Robyn wrote: "Anne wrote: "Title: Luck of the Draw

The Tarot can be hard to read
If not well schooled in mystery.
An oracle for those that see
The signs for all eternity.

The query’s asked - the cards are spr..."

Thanks Robyn!

[Anne]

Melissa wrote: "Anne, Really loved your poem. It gives a lot of explanation as to which cards are supposed to do what. Even though I don't actually believe in this subject, all poems have been entertaining!"

Thanks, Melissa -- I don't believe in any of this, either. :) Nor am I particularly knowledgeable about it. I hope no one is taking my writing literally. It's intended strictly as an amusement.

[Ryan]

Hear ye! Hear ye! Make haste to the tavern, it's time to vote!

Bring your floaties for a game of the Captain's pirate ocean polo afterwards.

Story Poll: https://www.goodreads.com/poll/show/1...

Poem Poll: https://www.goodreads.com/poll/show/1...

[Ryan]

Hi, Storm. What a great poem to start the week's entries off with. It is dark and very atmospheric with a real feeling of menace lurking over your shoulder. I love dark poetry and this one captured me right away.

[Ryan]

Untidaled - I'll pay that, Robyn, you made me smile :)

Definitely the revised version, for me. I don't think the original second stanza adds much to the poem. With it removed, you are right into the action and it flows much better. I think this is an extremely original take on the topic and the ocean's spoils fit perfectly with the tarot card idea. Your imagery is particularly fine, I like how each stanza transitions dramatically into a vibrant new scene. It really works well. I enjoyed this poem so much. As for titles, what about 'Nature's Deck' or something along those lines?

[Ryan]

Congratulations, Kristen! Thanks for dropping in to say hello. Hopefully you get back to writing soon.

[Ryan]

M, that is quite evocative. The rhyme lends so much to it, I found myself picturing a witch over a bubbling cauldron chanting it out as an invocation! (I have been accused of having an overactive imagination once or twice before). Great individual images that combine so well.

[Ryan]

Hi, Billie Jo. Once again I find myself admiring your sense of rhythm. I think you would be a natural at songwriting. This one feels like it would be right at home at a rap open-mic night. Lots of anger, lots of hurt and those lines - 'the number of your hoes/is higher than your IQ' - so fine!

[Kristen]

Thanks Ryan!

[Ryan]

Jim! How are you, my friend?

For me, your original version stands out a fair way above version 2. I definitely prefer 'The Last Fairground' as a title and first person combined with present tense gives me a much stronger feeling of being in the moment and part of the poem. I do like poetry that is written from an observer's viewpoint but I think that the subject of a relationship breaking down is a lot more powerful when told in first person.

I found the story much clearer in the first version and your lines 'But now it's clear/We are bound to unravel' are my favourite in either version, they are magic each time I read them.

If I can offer a suggestion, I think a combination of your last two stanzas might prove strongest of all. Something like:

I sit on the curb
as her taxi pulls away;
fairground buzz rising
into a late summer sky.

[Ryan]

Jamie, if I was to choose a tarot card to suit my interpretation of your poem, it would be the Fortitude card. I really admire that attribute of your narrator. Although she has obviously made mistakes (who hasn't?) she still has the strength to accept his decision and let him walk away, despite desperately wanting to fight for him. I think accepting the consequences of your choices and actions is an admirable virtue and I like the way you have painted this into your poem. Nicely done :)

[Ryan]

Hello, Melissa. What a great fairground image you've constructed. The flow of the first two stanzas does an excellent job of creating a carnival atmosphere, it bounces along really nicely. You caught me by surprise with you last line - the image I had was of innocent love potions, and kissing booths - and then, bam! I like how your poem works to create a light-hearted carnival atmosphere but twisted enough so that I was left wondering if there really is just a bit more behind the tarot than I'm willing to believe.

[Ryan]

Hi, Mikaela. I think you've captured something special with this poem. It has something underlying the simplicity of the words that really draws me to it. I've read through a number of times and enjoy it so much each time. Your last stanza closes the poem perfectly but also has the effect of sending me back to the start for another read. Love it!