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American seeking beta readers for work-in-progress taking place in Cairns
If anyone wants more details, here's the working version of the blurb:Thrill rides? Safari? A cruise? Why waste your time (and money) when the best way to spend your holiday is at ZOMBIE WALKABOUT!
Our staff have packages available for whatever your desire. Planning a memorable buck party? Check. Want to pray for the souls of the victims? Check. Looking to retrieve medical samples for all the innovative research in zombie medicine? We have a lab on our premises! We can even set you up with a trip to visit with the Aboriginal tribes living among the dead.
But zombie hunting sounds dangerous! No worries. Our state-of-the-art armor combination is scientifically proven to keep you one hundred percent safe. Here at Zombie Walkabout, we pride ourselves on our flawless safety record. The only concern you'll have is how all subsequent holidays will never live up to this one!
So hurry up and commit, mate. If you come this summer, you may even run into American mix martial artist Sam "Pounder" Ponsness. This rising star will augment our staff for the season.
Zombie Walkabout. Where the dead give you a reason for living!
Mod
Brenda wrote: "Good luck with it Phil :) I can't help you out but hopefully there will be others who will."Thank you.
I'm also willing to hear book recommendations that will help with slang.
It was suggested in another group to give a few examples of the slang I used. Hopefully some of you can critique this smaller sample. The context will be lost, and remember the only habitable part of the country is Cairns, so slang was taken from all around.Here are a few examples:
"First, be here at eight each morning. Use the badge they made for you to buzz yourself in. Grab a cuppa and check the board."
Rule four: Never separate. We're one team. We don't search different buildings and fossick for supplies."
"I suppose. Once we admitted they were zombies, I was game as Ned Kelly for bashing them. It was easy when I didn't know them. That changed when Spencer turned."
"Pounder? What exactly do you pound?" a teen asked.
"His dad's clacker," Jasper joked.
Scarlett gestured at her body. "The fat girl isn't supposed to get the foreign spunk."
"Calm down, everyone," Chloe said. "I took a Captain Cook and saw another herd about a klick away."
"Don't make me drink with the flies."
"You're just ace, Sam." Scarlett pointed at a burger named Dingo's Favorite. "This one will do. It has a fried bum-nut, pickled beets, and pineapple. It sounds dodgy, but your mouth will thank me."
"Pounder, what are you earbashing Yanks doing? You're missing all the white pointers."
"I'm sorry about that; that dill was painful."
Theo nodded suggestively. "Yeah. I crack a fat just hearing her name. Especially when she's all tarted up."
"Ugg! Who opened their lunch?" Chloe complained.
Mark shrugged. "Who cares? It keeps Zombie Walkabout up and running, which keeps piss in my stubbie holder."
That's probably enough. Hopefully some of you made it this far down the list. Again, context is lost, but that may make your criticism better. Thanks in advance.
Not bad Phillip! Here’s a couple of thoughts:‘Spunk’ is of a certain era, I think. Others might disagree. Fits in with 70s or possibly 80s lingo.
What’s a fried bum-nut? LOL never heard that before.
We would never say pickled beets; it’s just beetroot. The burger gives it enough context to know that it’s canned sliced beetroot (which is always pickled here if it’s from a can).
Mod
I personally don't know what "drink with the flies" means.
White pointers are sharks - not sure in this context.
"Ugg" - "Ugh"
Couple I'm not game to ask about (I'm too old perhaps!!) lol
Sounds exciting, I lived in Cairns for a decade, I can just imagine hunting zombies in Trinity inlet. Sadly I don't read electronica for fun, if anything could tempt me this would. A few thoughts on what I see here though;ok... Planning a memorable buck party? bucks night? they have bucks nights in America I think? not sure I have ever heard it called a bucks party and most definitely not a buck party.
I think 'spunk' is out of date, depending on what you want to portray and which very specific part of the population is using the term. Could be tricky, because while it was still being used by comedians it mostly tended to be slang for sperm/come in the late 90's- early 00's...
'Game as Ned Kelly' really? *winces*
'I took a Captain Cook'? No idea what that means. Is it a new party drug?
'drink with the flies' ... I feel like I may have heard this somewhere waaaaay outback. Can't remember what it means though. Just make sure you have a real bush character introducing some of these gems and you can probably get away with it.
As Andrea said 'pickled beets' is as American as NYC, Beetroot. Fried bum-nut??? No clue.
I crack a fat just hearing her name. again, depends on the population. A Eastern Queenslander these days would be more likely to call it a 'chubbie'.
Mod
Still going, this is kind of fun..."Pounder, what are you earbashing Yanks doing? You're missing all the white pointers." you lost me. Earbashing - talking too much? As Brenda said white pointers are sharks, is it some kind of slang for your zombies?
"I'm sorry about that; that dill was painful." As in dill=idiot? maybe? Not sure.
I think you have got a lot of very colourful and VERY local phrases. How you blend them is going to be the challenge. Cairns slang tends to be laid back and understated. Western QLD is often colouful though laconic and I think that is where some of your phrases come from. Australia has a lot more regional differences in language than most people think.
Oh, and, I have to ask this - if these zombies cannot swim, what is happening on the islands off the coast? Cairns has Lizard, Green and Fitzroy islands, there are heaps in the Whitsundays and so on and so forth. I am overthinking this, aren't I?
Mod
I think not to overdo it with the slang would be better, because we really don't speak like that.
Brenda wrote: "I took a Captain Cook is LOOK Deborah. But yes, it's an old saying and I'm thinking because of my age I know it :)"Aha! Rhyming slang! That is English in origin I think. Never got the hang of it, but I think most Aussies younger than me would be very unlikely to get it either.
Oh Phillip! Don't forget the drop bears. If you are in North QLD and you have locals and tourists, you cannot forget to include drop bears.
I have to start work soon. I took command of a battalion two months ago and still have much to learn. However, I wanted to give a little more context in my research process/intent.This book is a comedy, so I wanted phrases that I found more amusing. I watched some television shows and movies and cross-referenced them with the lists of slang terms I found on multiple websites. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any that listed popularity or geography for those terms (hence the request from the benevolent people in this group). I definitely appreciate your insight and will gladly take any suggestions of suitable substitutes for modern times.
Most Australians were infected and turned when zombies first appeared. It took two years for the Australian Defence Force to contain the plague. It involved using nuclear weapons on the western half of Australia. The survivors mostly emigrated away to other countries. The resilient and the opportunistic are the only citizens left. They all live in Queensland, the only part of Australia inhabited by anything other than zombies and Aborigines (slow zombies aren't nearly as tough as crocodiles, so no big deal to them). This mix of Australians was also to help explain my selection of slang from all across the continent. After ten years, I figured the language would evolve enough for total use.
Characters hunt zombies wearing chainmail armor, riot helmets, and plate gauntlets/boots. They also have a radio, radiation suit, and dosimeter. I can't bite through a leather coat with healthy gums and teeth, so zombies can't eat through metal. The safety record is perfect. Each character also gets one blunted weapon (nunchuks, frying pans, cricket bats, etc). This way fratricide isn't a concern. The hunts are only two hours, so no bathroom breaks (unless you have an adult nappie).
The characters in my book are from all over Australia, not necessarily Cairns. There are four main characters:
1. Sam "Pounder" Ponsness - an American from Saint Cloud, Minnesota. He originally goes to Zombie Walkabout as a tourist, but impresses the guides enough to be added as an intern for a few months. This is partly because ten years of zombie bashing has greatly reduced a population that isn't growing anymore. The Zombie Walkabout owner hopes a semi-pro (trying to go pro) mix martial artist with deep pockets (his parents' money) can stimulate more global tourists. He's the POV character, so I didn't try to change spelling to Australian variants (I had to give myself a break somewhere). He's a fit man in his twenties and very attractive.
Mark Tanaka - Formerly in the Special Operations Command during the Zombie Incident of 2010 (unofficially referred to as the Bugger). He's a guide at Zombie Walkabout and in his mid-fifties. He's a rugged man who enjoys playing pranks on his Yank sidekick, Pounder. As a way to nod to my readers, Mark invents slang and misuses terms to mess with Sam. He also tries to get Sam to use American slang to impress the locals, but Sam points out saying, "Howdy, yous guys." doesn't make sense. It was another attempt to say the slang could be off. His hometown isn't identified.
Chloe White - She's another guide at Zombie Walkabout and Mark's partner/work wife. She's a widow in her forties and the mother of Eli. She is an optimistic woman who often brightens the room with her smile. Her home town isn't identified.
Scarlett Harris - She's a PhD student studying zombie medicine (they used it to cure paralysis and are working toward dementia). She's in her twenties and has a body image problem. She is Sam's infatuation and is mutually attracted to him. She's from Alice Springs (the Alice?).
The story (from Sam's POV) shows the various types of zombie hunts. There are traditional trips, ones focused on gathering scientific specimens, movie crews getting zombie extras, trophy hunts (looking for specific zombies with bounties on them from their rich/powerful family/friends who survived), church groups praying for the souls of the infected, and many more.
I hope that quickly summarizes enough to help you help me. Thanks again.
Phil
Andrea wrote: "What’s a fried bum-nut? LOL never heard that before."I've changed the beetroot issue. Thanks. I thought a bum-nut was an egg? Is that not true? Rarely used?
Brenda wrote: "I'm pretty sure we don't say "klick" either. First it would be "click" but I think it would be a k or kilometre.I personally don't know what "drink with the flies" means.
White pointers are shar..."
Klick was used for kilometer. "Drink with the flies" came from a slang website for "drinking alone." Do you have a better substitute?
White pointers also came from a slang website for topless sunbathers.
Deborah wrote: "Sounds exciting, I lived in Cairns for a decade, I can just imagine hunting zombies in Trinity inlet. Sadly I don't read electronica for fun, if anything could tempt me this would. A few thoughts o..."Thanks for all the suggestions.
Deborah wrote: "Still going, this is kind of fun..."Pounder, what are you earbashing Yanks doing? You're missing all the white pointers." you lost me. Earbashing - talking too much? As Brenda said white pointers..."
Earbashing was for talking too much and dill was used for idiot. I'm all ears for better alternatives.
Brenda wrote: "Another thing to watch is the difference between Australian and US - footpath/sidewalk is one example. Plus spelling - not leaving the U out - colour, honour, harbour etc. Tire/Tyre - I could go on..."I considered this, but knew it would be too difficult for my American brain to catch them all. Therefore, I made my POV character an American intern.
Deborah wrote: "Oh Phillip! Don't forget the drop bears. If you are in North QLD and you have locals and tourists, you cannot forget to include drop bears."This one is new to me. What does "drop bears" mean?
Phillip wrote: "Andrea wrote: "What’s a fried bum-nut? LOL never heard that before." I've changed the beetroot issue. Thanks. I thought a bum-nut was an egg? Is that not true? Rarely used?"Now that you’ve pointed it out, I get it. Maybe I have heard that before, I’m not sure. Could be a regional thing - Australia’s a pretty big place. Initially I’d thought it might be a very, very well-done burger.
BTW I’m happy with klick/click however you decide to spell it. Everything’s just 50 clicks up the road here, if you’re from a rural area.
Mod
This one is new to me. What does "drop ..."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drop_bear
https://australianmuseum.net.au/learn...
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Good idea :)
I love it! I know exactly where to add a drop bear.
Mod
I personally don't know what "drink with the flies" means.
White po..."
I wouldn't use white pointers - I've never heard of that in that respect and I'm sure the majority of people would be confused.
He could be a "loner" - not sure of a substitute...
Mod
"Pounder, what are you earbashing Yanks doing? You're missing all the white pointers." you lost me. Earbashing - talking too much? As Brenda sai..."
Talk the leg off an iron pot - https://www.usingenglish.com/referenc...
Dill = Idiot/moron/tosser/loser.... there are many.
Mod
Great!
I also reckon you need to go a bit easy on the slang. If ordinary Aussies like us are having to stop reading to work out what the slang means it's going to be a hard slog for non-Aussies. I think a sprinkling would still get your desired comedy tone. I remember one of our American friends (L'il Owl I think) bought a good Aussie dictionary of idioms/slang. Or maybe you should visit N.Qld for research (aka holiday) and ask the locals ;)
Carolyn wrote: "I also reckon you need to go a bit easy on the slang. If ordinary Aussies like us are having to stop reading to work out what the slang means it's going to be a hard slog for non-Aussies. I think a..."I do have it to an "appropriate" amount. To be fair, these are excerpts of slang only and skip all the normal conversations that take place.
That sounds good Phillip. Anything you're not sure about you can always bounce of us - we're a pretty diverse group from all around Australia.
Just one comment from me... these slang expressions are mostly used by blokes (men) in a blokey environment. In the normal everyday Australia I live in, you do not hear women talk this way.
Phillip wrote: "I love it! I know exactly where to add a drop bear."Excellent! I thought you could add it in the advert about how safe it is; just watch out for the drop bears...
OK I had a lot of fun with this; I ran it past my workmates too. We are a diverse group, from 20 something year olds just out of uni (and remember, in Australia it is university, or uni. Never college. Calling uni college is just screaming 'made in America'), to people in their 50's onward. We hail from all around the country too so there was a good cross section of Australians.Some of the 50+ knew what 'captain cook' meant, but not all of them. The only young ones who did, knew it because their olds used it and it drove them up the wall. So, your 50+ character saying it would work, maybe, but for a young un' not so much. All agreed that 'take a squiz' was much more likely to be used by anyone, of any age, in that context.
No one at all understood the 'white pointers' the 'ned kelly' or the 'bum nut'. No one.
Another caution. You said you watched a lot of advertisements; never, ever make the mistake of 'shrimp on the barbie' that was invented for foreign consumption because they didn't think UK audiences would understand what a prawn was. Shrimp are only used in context of cooking with asian sauce, and by marine biologists talking about baleen whales. Saying we eat 'shrimp' is enough to make some Aussies slightly homicidal.
Some of the people I work with had heard of the 'Wentworth' show. The general consensus is that any language you get from that, even the remake, is going to be old-school (50+) and very, very bogan (An Aussie bogan = American redneck btw). So if your characters are bogans, all good. But if you have a uni student using it, well, that is going to be just odd.
Mark Tanaka? What do you mean you don't know his hometown? With that name he simply MUST be a Kiwi. Bro. Also, that would explain some erratic slang, Kiwi's love poking fun at Aussies.
If Scarlett is from The Alice (yup, that's right), there are some things you can assume. She probably would know some pretty salty slang. but if she managed to get out of Alice to uni then, while she knows what it means, she is unlikely to use it. I worked in Alice for a few months, the locals tended to be conservative.
Final note, and this is tricky. Aussies swear. A lot. Not all of us maybe, all the time, but most do drop the f-bomb a fair bit. Calling a mate a c**t is more common among adult males than anyone in the armed forces should be surprised by. So, if you have all these Aussies running around after zombies.... I am not saying they need to swear, that is up to the author, but it will be glaringly absent if they use all that weird bogan slang and do not swear.
I’m trying to think of what Aussie slang I use regularly - G’day; Mate, fair dinkum, strewth, fair suck of the sav, chockers, budgie smugglers (usually in disgust - at said male who is wearing them) walkabout (if I can’t find someone then they must have gone walkabout).Now - words you have used, very 1960s/70s - many now not really common usage:
I thought white pointers were women’s boobies?
Game as Ned Kelly? Never heard of that expression - hubby has said he last heard of that back in the 50s
Clacker is a bum (bottom) I’ve only seen it used by the NT News which is a rag newspaper - they usually used for a headline after cracker night as it rhymes with cracker. My grandson was chuckling away as a wee mate of his told him the word - but I did the Nanna stare and he hasn’t used it again. Not regular use more a silly thing guys might say when they alone.
Spunk is not particularly Australian and is another very 70s expression - they use that in England, Africa and New Zealand. Haven’t heard my daughters use it - they just describe a good looking male as a hunk or simply he’s hot!.
Captain Cook - my late dad used that, he was cockney and is rhyming slang that has been adapted by early English settlers - again old usage
Never heard of bum-nut - heard them called cackle berries. Aussie call it beetroot never pickled beets - we don’t use the short term beets at all - even if using fresh beetroot. You would not go into an Aussie cafe and ask for a hamburger with pickled beets - in fact you should get the beetroot without needing to ask
Dill - a stupid person, I’ve used that
Crack a fat - never heard of it - but hubby has, explained what you meant, he heard it back at high school hasn’t heard it since the mid 70s
I’m guess you are using the word piss to refer to beer - not something that I use - but have heard it referred to as that.
If you get the time try and get your hands on a copy of They're a Weird Mob by Nino Culotta where an Italian immigrant learns that there is English and Australian English :D
Hope that helps you :)
Mod
Hahah! You made me laugh Deborah :) But less swearing is better and definitely not the C one! Please.....
Carolyn wrote: "That sounds good Phillip. Anything you're not sure about you can always bounce of us - we're a pretty diverse group from all around Australia."I appreciate the help.
Trish L wrote: "Just one comment from me... these slang expressions are mostly used by blokes (men) in a blokey environment. In the normal everyday Australia I live in, you do not hear women talk this way."I do use "love" with Chloe a lot when referring to people. Do you have other suggestions of female specific slang?
Sally906 wrote: "I’m trying to think of what Aussie slang I use regularly - G’day; Mate, fair dinkum, strewth, fair suck of the sav, chockers, budgie smugglers (usually in disgust - at said male who is wearing them..."This was a great rundown of what I've used. I truly appreciate it. I realized from some of this help that it may be better to ask for common Aussie slang used today versus showing what I randomly selected to say the same thing. What are the most common phrases I could expect to hear on a typical day? Remember, they can come from any part of Australia.
Deborah wrote: "OK I had a lot of fun with this; I ran it past my workmates too. We are a diverse group, from 20 something year olds just out of uni (and remember, in Australia it is university, or uni. Never coll..."Another great breakdown. Thanks for the help. I've got some good re-writes for this weekend.
Brenda wrote: "Deborah wrote: "But less swearing is better and definitely not the C one! Please......"I use some swearing, but I leaned toward a PG13 rating.
I’m an ESL teacher and on the last day of term we do lots of Aussie slang fillers. Here’s a short video I like to show - I think it’s reasonably authentic and current. Golden rule is to shorten, then add -e or -o at the end 😉https://youtu.be/yDb_WsAt_Z0
Andrea wrote: "I’m an ESL teacher and on the last day of term we do lots of Aussie slang fillers. Here’s a short video I like to show - I think it’s reasonably authentic and current. Golden rule is to shorten, th..."That is brilliant Andrea :D
'Yeah, nah' is quite a pervasive Aussie idiom these days across the population. It's become one of those responses that people often don't even realise they are saying.
It's a laid back and non threatening way to say yes, I've heard you but no, I don't want to/I don't agree.
Brenda wrote: "Deborah wrote: "OK I had a lot of fun with this; I ran it past my workmates too. We are a diverse group, from 20 something year olds just out of uni (and remember, in Australia it is university, or...";) Thanks Brenda, I just had to say it, so many people at work (even those you don't ever swear at work) pointed out that absence.
Sally906 wrote: "Andrea wrote: "I’m an ESL teacher and on the last day of term we do lots of Aussie slang fillers. Here’s a short video I like to show - I think it’s reasonably authentic and current. Golden rule is..."Andrea that youtube is pure gold!
It is remarkably hard to think about everyday slang one uses all the time. Never even occurred to me that 'ambo' was slang.
Strewth! How could I have forgotten that one.But here is how I remembered it, this youtube comparing Australia and New Zealand was a lot of fun.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWsQ5...
Andrea wrote: "I’m an ESL teacher and on the last day of term we do lots of Aussie slang fillers. Here’s a short video I like to show - I think it’s reasonably authentic and current. Golden rule is to shorten, th..."That was especially useful. I'm glad they have sequel shows, too.
I'm sorry I haven't responded in a few days. I went to visit one of my wounded soldiers at Walter Reed. This weekend, I plan to get after a lot of the re-writes I imagine from our previous discussion. A few other terms I used (at least once) are:fair suck of the sav
ace
too right
no worries
norks
good onya
mate
love
tomato sauce
bloke
Sheila (capitalized or not?)
I'll go through to see if there's anything else that I'm likely using incorrectly. Again, I appreciate all the help. This community has been great.
My name is Phil, and I'm an American indie author. My next book is a zombie comedy (a zom rom com, as it were) set in Cairns. It's called "Zombie Walkabout." The premise is the zombie apocalypse took place in Australia ten years ago. Since zombies can't swim, they never escaped the continent. After two years, the Australian military contained the threat, but left most of the country infected. Now, tourists from across the globe fly to Australia to hunt zombies, similar to a safari. It's basically Fantasy Island with a Walking Dead influence.
The manuscript is approximately 69,000 words long. I'm looking for interested beta readers who like fantasy and comedy. Specifically, I want an Aussie's opinion on if I'm using slang terms and locations properly. I can only get so much from tourist websites and Australian TV shows (shout out to the women doing time in Wentworth).
If you're interested, please PM me. I'll send you the .pdf or .mobi. It's pre-final edit, but mostly clean of errors. I plan to publish the book before the end of the year, so I'd appreciate notes by September, but beggars can't be choosers. Thank you in advance for your help.
Phil