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This Is How It Always Is
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This is How it Always Is - Laurie Frankel (MOD Takeover BOM) - 22 July 2019
DQs Day 3 - Everyone Who? - Hedge Enemies11. The description of them unpacking - pictures on wall first - is so true to me: pictures on the wall, books on shelves and the rest can wait. Do you unpack like that? More widely, did you enjoy the information about the family settling into the new neighbourhood?
I hate hanging pictures, so I leave it til last. I liked the contrast between the last neighborhood and this one, and I loved seeing Poppy happy with her friends.
12. Rosie is having difficulties settling into the new job, and the senior partner's slightly wonky (but oh-so-real) view about how flexible working actually functions. Do you enjoy that Frankel is bringing in adult life issues wider than just parenting a trans kid?
I guess it is more realistic - life doesn't boil down to just one problem. But I didn't enjoy this part much.
13. Roo.... poor Roo. What did you think about his video project when you first read about it? How did you feel by the end of the section? Any thoughts on how Roo's story will pan out?
I don't know what will happen with Roo, but I feel really bad for him. As he pointed out, they moved him and the family so that they could be in a more accepting place, then just kept everything secret. How frustrating, and his resentment is pretty normal.
14. The last chapter has a discussion about gender pay equality, and Rosie realises that Poppy had no idea about this, and wonders if they have done her a disservice by sheltering her too much from equality issues. Do you agree? Do you think it's realistic that Poppy wouldn't know? I didn't like this part either. Sure it is realistic Poppy doesn't know - kids that age seem to have an unrealistic idea of money anyway - or at least very nebulous - so adding more complexity would be hard. Although Poppy certainly is capable of understanding.
15. I find the narrator's voice slightly odd: it veers from a high-level view down into intimate POV, and chucks in a whole load of Ominous Warnings of Impending Doom. Are you enjoying the writing style? I liked it through the first two sections we read - it was more personal/family. I didn't enjoy this section as much. And I hate Ominous Warnings of Impending Doom.
Day 1: Start - Halloween1. Did you have any preconcieved ideas about this book before you started, what where they?
Nope. I added it awhile back but had to re-read the synopsis to even remember what it was about.
2. Rosie shares with us the continued pursuit of having a daughter and possibly having a version of her little sister Poppy in that daughter, what was your reaction to that?
I completely get why she would want a daughter, especially after having 4 boys.
3. What do you think of Rosie and Penn's parenting style so far?
I think they are great parents. They have their kids best interests at heart and there is a lot of love in the house.
4. I'm loving grandma, she doesn't even blink twice when Claude wants a bikini; what do you think would help Claude most, letting him wear bikini and dress in public or restricting him to only wear those at home?
I love her as well. I agree that allowing it at home but making it seem like it's not ok to dress like a girl in public sends the wrong message to Claude. He's may internalise feelings of shame.
5. It breaks my heart when Penn shows Rosie the drawings Claude has made of the family, where he is getting smaller with every drawing. What should they do?
The parents are not equipped to know how best to act and support Claude so I think everyone would benefit from professional help.
DQs Day Two6.) The adults in this book have a wide range of reactions to Claude. You have the fun Mr. Tongo, the principle, Victoria Revels, Miss Appleton, the gun totting Nick, the horrible Cindy (who risks a kid's life like that!?!) and their reactions to Claude vary drastically. Thinking about these characters, I keep going back to the quote "At home Claude is loved no matter what. At school, sometimes it feels the opposite: you are not loved no matter what."
What do you think about this quote, is it true? What does the reactions of the older kids and adults versus the younger kids say about society?
It's true if you have a loving, supportive family. In this case, it’s mostly true. Clause/Poppy’s brother’s don’t seem to have a problem with the family secret. It reflects how the family thinks, but also how children think about things like same sex marriage and gender denies. Someone has to tell them it’s wrong or unnatural, for kids to think that way. Imagination lets having two mommies or feeling like a boy one day and a girl the next day seem normal.
7.) In this section we learn where the title comes from. Do you agree with Penn's statement?
No. Change will come sooner or later. Accepting the status quo means you are just another person not pushing for the change you want to see in the world. This isn’t how it always has to be. Baby steps can change that.
8.) Claude chooses his new name, and as new names are wont to do, a new identity. Were you surprised at his choice? Do you think it was a good choice? Or a foreshadow of danger ahead?
It’s a great choice. Claude is a very observant kid and knows how much the name Poppy would mean for his mom and grandmother. I don’t think it is foreshadowing, but I could be totally wrong.
9.) Do you agree with Rosie's decision to move the family? Do you think problems will crop up with Roo in their new home with how attached he was to life in WI?
Yes, I agree. If it doesn’t cause much drama and they are financially able to make such a drastic change, then they should make the changes necessary to protect their child. Having a broody teenager is just part of the ballgame. But, Roo will need some extra attention after the move takes place. It’s easier for younger kids to adapt to new environments and Roo is old enough to think his life in WI was perfect.
10.) What are your thoughts are keeping Claude/Poppy's gender secret in their new home? How do you think the truth will come out? When it does, what do you think will happen to Poppy?
I don’t totally agree with the secret. Maybe not tell kids but tell their parents. Notify the school, but make sure the information remains between the parents, superintendent, and maybe guidance counselor. They moved to Washington for the open mindedness. Assume that open mindedness will offer protection. American’s know gender dysmorphia exists, so we have no reason to act stupid. It’s been in the news and I’m sure weekly religious services. Keeping it a secret might be seen as deception and more difficult to forgive.
DQs Day 311. The description of them unpacking - pictures on wall first - is so true to me: pictures on the wall, books on shelves and the rest can wait. Do you unpack like that? More widely, did you enjoy the information about the family settling into the new neighborhood?
Love the info on how the family settles. It’s a reminder that Rosie is the mom even though her career takes her away from the home. When I unpack, it’s by whatever box is on top and closest. And it’s just take everything out of boxes and distribute at random.
12. Rosie is having difficulties settling into the new job, and the senior partner's slightly wonky (but oh-so-real) view about how flexible working actually functions. Do you enjoy that Frankel is bringing in adult life issues wider than just parenting a trans kid?
Yes, it makes Rosie’s situation relatable.
13. Roo.... poor Roo. What did you think about his video project when you first read about it? How did you feel by the end of the section? Any thoughts on how Roo's story will pan out?
I wanted to ground him for a year. He needed to better explain what his thought process was, whether he thinks it through and explains to them or even writes it out. I’m actually surprised that the teacher didn’t require a written portion of the video for clarification. Freshman aren’t the best at expressing themselves verbally, but thanks to a text and computer driven world, a simple memo about what went into the project and why certain things were chose could have greatly helped. Roo’s father is a writer, maybe he needed to think it through on paper to express the opinion. I have a feeling that Roo himself might be gay and this is his way of dealing with it. Being gay would put him in competition with Poppy and it’s a losing game.
14. The last chapter has a discussion about gender pay equality, and Rosie realizes that Poppy had no idea about this, and wonders if they have done her a disservice by sheltering her too much from equality issues. Do you agree? Do you think it's realistic that Poppy wouldn't know?
I think it’s realistic that she wouldn’t know. Her mother is the bread winner after all. But, it’s a topic that should have been discussed with all the kids, not just the daughter. A son needs to know that these inequalities exist and learning them from a parent at an earlier age will help keep naysayers from making an impact.
15. I find the narrator's voice slightly odd: it veers from a high-level view down into intimate POV, and chucks in a whole load of Ominous Warnings of Impending Doom. Are you enjoying the writing style?
The impending doom can get annoying. It’s why I was up so late reading. Frankel did it on purpose. I don’t mind the high-level vs intimate points of view. The author brings us where we need to be at the time in order to deliver the story. It all weaves together to create a detailed bigger picture.
DQs Day 2: Maybe to Rival Neighbor Princess6.) The adults in this book have a wide range of reactions to Claude. You have the fun Mr. Tongo, the principle, Victoria Revels, Miss Appleton, the gun totting Nick, the horrible Cindy (who risks a kid's life like that!?!) and their reactions to Claude vary drastically. Thinking about these characters, I keep going back to the quote "At home Claude is loved no matter what. At school, sometimes it feels the opposite: you are not loved no matter what."
What do you think about this quote, is it true? What does the reactions of the older kids and adults versus the younger kids say about society?
I agree that you can't expect unconditional love and support at school. There are too many other people who don't necessarily have the room in their hearts to care about you. It would be nice if all kids had the kind of home life that Claude does. It's so telling that the kids Claude's age are accepting and the judgement comes from older kids and parents.
7.) In this section we learn where the title comes from. Do you agree with Penn's statement?
I love the sentiment that if you could have everything, of course you want things to be easy. But many things in life that are important and worth doing are also not easy.
8.) Claude chooses his new name, and as new names are wont to do, a new identity. Were you surprised at his choice? Do you think it was a good choice? Or a foreshadow of danger ahead?
I was surprised, and although the name seems to fit, I also feel like it could be a lot of pressure to live up to.
9.) Do you agree with Rosie's decision to move the family? Do you think problems will crop up with Roo in their new home with how attached he was to life in WI?
I can't blame her for wanting to get out of that environment, especially after what she saw in the emergency room.
10.) What are your thoughts are keeping Claude/Poppy's gender secret in their new home? How do you think the truth will come out? When it does, what do you think will happen to Poppy?
I think it's great that keeping it a secret has given Poppy several years to come into her own identity and gain confidence, but unfortunately now when it comes out, it will probably be a huge deal and her closest friends especially may feel betrayed by the secret. I'm guessing things will come out during these gym showers, or as all the other girls develop physically and Poppy doesn't. Keeping things to themselves unfortunately only works until puberty.
Day 4 - Who Knows? - Aid Ambiguous16. Throughout the book Penn has used fairy tales to explore the issues in their lives. Did you enjoy this approach?
17. All 4 boys admitted to telling Poppy's secret. Were you surprised by this? And how did you feel when it was later revealed how Poppy was outed?
18. Up to this point I really enjoyed the scenes with Mr. Tongo. What did you think of his guidance to Penn and Rosie? Do you believe that by sheltering Poppy they hindered her development?
19. On the one hand we have Penn enthusiastically researching vaginoplasty for Poppy's future, but on the other we have Rosie more along the lines of making decisions based on the present. Considering that Poppy is only 10 and taking into account the events leading up to this discussion, which side did you most agree with?
20. Unexpectedly Rosie decided to work at the clinic in Thailand and to take Claude/Poppy with her. Did you think this was the right thing to do for Claude/Poppy? For her family?
Day 1: Start - Halloween1. Did you have any preconcieved ideas about this book before you started, what where they?
I knew this was a book about a trans child and that's about it. That's all there had to be to get me interested to be honest. It's not something that is written about much so the idea of the story really interested me.
2. Rosie shares with us the continued pursuit of having a daughter and possibly having a version of her little sister Poppy in that daughter, what was your reaction to that?
I thought that this was really rather tragic. Rosie obviously has unresolved issues over the death of her sister. I also don't think it's entirely fair as there may always be resentment for the male children she had because they're not girls.
3. What do you think of Rosie and Penn's parenting style so far?
I think their parenting style is good so far. They seem super supportive, particularly of Claude. Though that may come at a price of their other children who also need love and support. The fact that they both take half of the chores etc. is very impressive!
4. I'm loving grandma, she doesn't even blink twice when Claude wants a bikini; what do you think would help Claude most, letting him wear bikini and dress in public or restricting him to only wear those at home?
I think he should be able to wear what he wants wherever he wants. I feel like it would just be more confusing to only wear it at home and he might feel like it's something to be ashamed of.
5. It breaks my heart when Penn shows Rosie the drawings Claude has made of the family, where he is getting smaller with every drawing. What should they do?
Seeing a professional is a good place to start. Obviously letting Claude know that he can talk to his parents about anything anytime or at least have someone he can talk to if not his parents.
Day 4 - Who Knows? - Aid Ambiguous16. Throughout the book Penn has used fairy tales to explore the issues in their lives. Did you enjoy this approach?
---Very much. The interactive story time is a great idea.
17. All 4 boys admitted to telling Poppy's secret. Were you surprised by this? And how did you feel when it was later revealed how Poppy was outed?
---I think it showed how much the boys thought of Poppy's gender as a non-issue. But, the fact that they were comfortable with it, and still having to keep it secret, was hard.
There are always jerks in the world.
18. Up to this point I really enjoyed the scenes with Mr. Tongo. What did you think of his guidance to Penn and Rosie? Do you believe that by sheltering Poppy they hindered her development?
---Tongo is a fun character. A lot of the advice seemed right, and his relaxed, what will happen will happen approach to big issues is kind of refreshing. I am torn about the sheltering issue. On one hand, just letting Poppy be Poppy, they let her be the happiest version of herself, without having to worry about LGBT rights, and what struggling for those rights means. On the other hand, that secret was not going to stay a secret forever, and the fallout might have undone all the good that keeping her sheltered provided. I think they wanted their child to be happy, and she was.
19. On the one hand we have Penn enthusiastically researching vaginoplasty for Poppy's future, but on the other we have Rosie more along the lines of making decisions based on the present. Considering that Poppy is only 10 and taking into account the events leading up to this discussion, which side did you most agree with?
---Deciding between fatalism and wishful thinking? I think I sided with Rosie, but I totally got where Penn was coming from as well.
20. Unexpectedly Rosie decided to work at the clinic in Thailand and to take Claude/Poppy with her. Did you think this was the right thing to do for Claude/Poppy? For her family?
---For a weird decision, it is probably a really good one. In one fell swoop it exposes Claude/Poppy to the world outside of elementary school and xi's own problems, gives the family some time to settle down, and potentially saves her job. So yeah, probably a good decision.
Mod
16. Throughout the book Penn has used fairy tales to explore the issues in their lives. Did you enjoy this approach?
I did like them as showing the closeness of the family. They were getting overly heavy-handed at the end, and I don't blame Poppy for walking out on the last one!
17. All 4 boys admitted to telling Poppy's secret. Were you surprised by this? And how did you feel when it was later revealed how Poppy was outed?
I was surprised by everyone telling. I thought that Rigel & Orion's reason was the absolute sweetest, and was about the case for not keeping the secret. Roo beating up the homophobic boy did show the case for keeping it. Except: if they hadn't, would Roo have needed to beat him up, because it would've become a norm during a period when parents are closer integrated into Roo's life?
18. Up to this point I really enjoyed the scenes with Mr. Tongo. What did you think of his guidance to Penn and Rosie? Do you believe that by sheltering Poppy they hindered her development?
I do like his guidance, but also think he hasn't been as good as he could be: shouldn't he have been prepping Penn & Rosie for the next steps before it's such a massive deal, so they weren't floundering whilst their kids were floundering with the outing? Him telling them they they need to be ready for more identity angst during puberty (or earlier, as now) would have been helpful, I think!
19. On the one hand we have Penn enthusiastically researching vaginoplasty for Poppy's future, but on the other we have Rosie more along the lines of making decisions based on the present. Considering that Poppy is only 10 and taking into account the events leading up to this discussion, which side did you most agree with?
I was with Rosie, especially in light of Mr Tonga's advice (was Penn not in on that call?) but I understand Penn's desire to fix things for Poppy back how it was and hope that that fixes everything.
It's good for Penn and Rosie to be educated on the options for when Claude/Poppy is ready to talk, but it's not their decision to make for their child.
20. Unexpectedly Rosie decided to work at the clinic in Thailand and to take Claude/Poppy with her. Did you think this was the right thing to do for Claude/Poppy? For her family?
Having a space away is probably good for Claude/Poppy, but what are the other boys going to think? Did they get told that it wasn't because of their spilling of the secret? I worry about them.
Mod
16. Throughout the book Penn has used fairy tales to explore the issues in their lives. Did you enjoy this approach?
Yes, he laid it on a bit thick sometimes but I enjoyed the ever-evolving fluidity of the story.
17. All 4 boys admitted to telling Poppy's secret. Were you surprised by this? And how did you feel when it was later revealed how Poppy was outed?
No, they are children. And it was a heavy, unfair secret for them to be keeping. I think it was a fitting way to show that nothing is secret forever. No matter how careful you are, there is always a paper trail and a nosy opportunist somewhere.
18. Up to this point I really enjoyed the scenes with Mr. Tongo. What did you think of his guidance to Penn and Rosie? Do you believe that by sheltering Poppy they hindered her development?
I get what he is saying and I actually think it's true. But some warning for the poor parents would of been nice. Hindered her? Not really unless they kept sheltering her, which I think was their plan. If they kept sheltering her until she was into her teens, that could of been disastrous.
19. On the one hand we have Penn enthusiastically researching vaginoplasty for Poppy's future, but on the other we have Rosie more along the lines of making decisions based on the present. Considering that Poppy is only 10 and taking into account the events leading up to this discussion, which side did you most agree with?
Rosie, I think Penn needed to dial it back a bit. Knowing and understanding the options are important but so is making sure Poppy is ready to decide something that can't be undecided later in life.
20. Unexpectedly Rosie decided to work at the clinic in Thailand and to take Claude/Poppy with her. Did you think this was the right thing to do for Claude/Poppy? For her family?
For them in terms of her job and Poppy's mental health I do. I was a bold and scary choice but usually those tend to be the right ones in the end. I'm not so sure about that impact on the other kids though. I think she and Penn will be fine they have a strong enough foundation, hopefully that strength of foundation will bleed over to the boys.
DQs Day 2: Maybe to Rival Neighbor Princess6.) The adults in this book have a wide range of reactions to Claude. You have the fun Mr. Tongo, the principle, Victoria Revels, Miss Appleton, the gun totting Nick, the horrible Cindy (who risks a kid's life like that!?!) and their reactions to Claude vary drastically. Thinking about these characters, I keep going back to the quote "At home Claude is loved no matter what. At school, sometimes it feels the opposite: you are not loved no matter what."
What do you think about this quote, is it true? What does the reactions of the older kids and adults versus the younger kids say about society?
I think that is a very depressing statement. Mostly because it's largely true. A lot of kids feel that way at school.
The reaction of the younger kids are mostly lovely. I just wish everyone reacted like those 5 year olds. The nastiness of the older kids and some of the adults was appalling.
7.) In this section we learn where the title comes from. Do you agree with Penn's statement?
As I'm not a parent and have never been in a situation like this, I really can't say if this is how it always is!
8.) Claude chooses his new name, and as new names are wont to do, a new identity. Were you surprised at his choice? Do you think it was a good choice? Or a foreshadow of danger ahead?
I think it was obvious from very early on in the book that Claude would choose the name Poppy. I thought it was a very sweet touch.
9.) Do you agree with Rosie's decision to move the family? Do you think problems will crop up with Roo in their new home with how attached he was to life in WI?
I can't really see how moving is going to magically solve all their problems. On the other hand I can totally see why they are trying it. I think there will be some major problems with Roo if the parents aren't careful.
10.) What are your thoughts are keeping Claude/Poppy's gender secret in their new home? How do you think the truth will come out? When it does, what do you think will happen to Poppy?
I think the truth coming out is inevitable. Especially when it comes to puberty etc. The fact that it has been kept secret for so long could also cause some problems.
DQs Day 3 - Everyone Who? - Hedge Enemies11. The description of them unpacking - pictures on wall first - is so true to me: pictures on the wall, books on shelves and the rest can wait. Do you unpack like that? More widely, did you enjoy the information about the family settling into the new neighbourhood?
I think I was most excited to arrange my books into my own personal library the last time I moved. I was glad they got along so well with their neighbours and Poppy found a good friend right away.
12. Rosie is having difficulties settling into the new job, and the senior partner's slightly wonky (but oh-so-real) view about how flexible working actually functions. Do you enjoy that Frankel is bringing in adult life issues wider than just parenting a trans kid?
I do. I think this is an especially big problem in the US and I often wonder at how mothers there manage.
13. Roo.... poor Roo. What did you think about his video project when you first read about it? How did you feel by the end of the section? Any thoughts on how Roo's story will pan out?
He must be feeling so lost, having left his comfortable lifestyle right at the time kids turn into teens. Plus I get that he is angry that they had to move only to keep Poppy biological sex a secret anyway.
14. The last chapter has a discussion about gender pay equality, and Rosie realises that Poppy had no idea about this, and wonders if they have done her a disservice by sheltering her too much from equality issues. Do you agree? Do you think it's realistic that Poppy wouldn't know?
I guess. I mean she's only 9, her mother is a doctor, and the parents do not subscribe to traditional gender roles.
15. I find the narrator's voice slightly odd: it veers from a high-level view down into intimate POV, and chucks in a whole load of Ominous Warnings of Impending Doom. Are you enjoying the writing style?
I am, but I'm pretty much ignoring the warnings of impending doom since they are vague enough that I can't remember them by the time I read the next chapter.
Day 1: Start - Halloween1. Did you have any preconcieved ideas about this book before you started, what where they?
I read this book before, and it was one of my favs in 2017; but I was looking forward to a second time around.
2. Rosie shares with us the continued pursuit of having a daughter and possibly having a version of her little sister Poppy in that daughter, what was your reaction to that?
This just made me so sad for Rosie in terms of how much she loved her sister, but it really does bring expectations that may be unfair.
3. What do you think of Rosie and Penn's parenting style so far?
I also love it, they have a house of love and learning!
4. I'm loving grandma, she doesn't even blink twice when Claude wants a bikini; what do you think would help Claude most, letting him wear bikini and dress in public or restricting him to only wear those at home?
I really wouldn't want to restrict him, but I can understand the need to go into protection mode. I just want him to be himself and comfortable.
5. It breaks my heart when Penn shows Rosie the drawings Claude has made of the family, where he is getting smaller with every drawing. What should they do?
Agree regarding counseling and assistance, this is a hefty area to cover and professional help is needed.
Day 1: Start - Halloween1. Did you have any preconcieved ideas about this book before you started, what where they?
I didn't have any idea what the book was when I decided to pick it up. However, not to far into the book I remembered hearing about it on the radio or somewhere.
2. Rosie shares with us the continued pursuit of having a daughter and possibly having a version of her little sister Poppy in that daughter, what was your reaction to that?
I'm not sure why, but when that was shared I knew what was coming with Claude. I think it is sad, but at the same time things we want in childhood can be hard to let go of.
3. What do you think of Rosie and Penn's parenting style so far?
I'm amazed but them. They seem like they are doing the best they can and are really pretty happy as a family. In someways I think a lot of their style is that they are overwhelmed and just want to show their children they are loved.
4. I'm loving grandma, she doesn't even blink twice when Claude wants a bikini; what do you think would help Claude most, letting him wear bikini and dress in public or restricting him to only wear those at home?
He is a little kid, I say let him do what makes him most happy. Also, as the parent to the most you can to stand up for him.
5. It breaks my heart when Penn shows Rosie the drawings Claude has made of the family, where he is getting smaller with every drawing. What should they do?
I think I would be overwhelmed in this situation. They clearly need to be asking questions of Claude to see why and probably also seeking outside help. Claude is so smart it seems hard to picture him as a little kid but that is exactly what he is and they need to help him with his feelings.
Day 4 - Who Knows? - Aid Ambiguous16. Throughout the book Penn has used fairy tales to explore the issues in their lives. Did you enjoy this approach?
Yes, it was a nice bonding experience for him and the children and I love that they kept it going for so many years.
17. All 4 boys admitted to telling Poppy's secret. Were you surprised by this? And how did you feel when it was later revealed how Poppy was outed?
I was surprised, but I especially understood why the twins told. While I understand the complexity of the situation, it was a bit unfair for them to have to keep the secret.
18. Up to this point I really enjoyed the scenes with Mr. Tongo. What did you think of his guidance to Penn and Rosie? Do you believe that by sheltering Poppy they hindered her development?
I love that his reactions are always completely different to how Rosie and Penn expect. He sees the world in such a different light the most people. It's refreshing to hear him "reframe the narrative".
19. On the one hand we have Penn enthusiastically researching vaginoplasty for Poppy's future, but on the other we have Rosie more along the lines of making decisions based on the present. Considering that Poppy is only 10 and taking into account the events leading up to this discussion, which side did you most agree with?
In the end I think Rosie is right, that it has to be Poppy/Claude who makes the decision, but I understand Penn's urge to find a solution and fix the problem for her. It would be so hard to watch your child struggle and not be able to make it better for them.
20. Unexpectedly Rosie decided to work at the clinic in Thailand and to take Claude/Poppy with her. Did you think this was the right thing to do for Claude/Poppy? For her family?
I think maybe it is. Rosie needed to do it for her job, and it got Poppy out of her regular environment to give her a chance to give things some time to sort themselves out.
DQs Day 3 - Everyone Who? - Hedge Enemies11. The description of them unpacking - pictures on wall first - is so true to me: pictures on the wall, books on shelves and the rest can wait. Do you unpack like that? More widely, did you enjoy the information about the family settling into the new neighbourhood?
Not really. I don't have a lot of pictures around or pictures on the walls. The ones that I do, I probably do last because I want everything else set up first. I did enjoy the settling in the new neighborhood and the differences from Madison to Seattle.
12. Rosie is having difficulties settling into the new job, and the senior partner's slightly wonky (but oh-so-real) view about how flexible working actually functions. Do you enjoy that Frankel is bringing in adult life issues wider than just parenting a trans kid?
Yes because the story wasn't just about Poppy, it was about how it affects the entire family. But I also think the author added that for a reason for Rosie & Poppy to go to Thailand.
13. Roo.... poor Roo. What did you think about his video project when you first read about it? How did you feel by the end of the section? Any thoughts on how Roo's story will pan out?
That made me so mad and really not like Roo. Didn't feel like they really resolved and delved into this issue as much as they should have though.
14. The last chapter has a discussion about gender pay equality, and Rosie realises that Poppy had no idea about this, and wonders if they have done her a disservice by sheltering her too much from equality issues. Do you agree? Do you think it's realistic that Poppy wouldn't know?
Not really. Who knows or cares about these things at 10? I don't think I learned about these things until high school. So yea, I do think it was realistic that Poppy had no clue.
15. I find the narrator's voice slightly odd: it veers from a high-level view down into intimate POV, and chucks in a whole load of Ominous Warnings of Impending Doom. Are you enjoying the writing style?
I am enjoying it. I think a lot of authors use that Ominous Warnings of Impending Doom thing so it didn't seem all that different to me.
Day 4 - Who Knows? - Aid Ambiguous16. Throughout the book Penn has used fairy tales to explore the issues in their lives. Did you enjoy this approach?
I really loved it! And I especially loved that it was like their family time, even when the older boys were in their teens. It could be a little cheesy I imagine, talking about safe sex and things like that (can't you just imagine teenage boys reading to that?!) but it was really heartfelt.
17. All 4 boys admitted to telling Poppy's secret. Were you surprised by this? And how did you feel when it was later revealed how Poppy was outed?
I was surprised on one hand, but than not because it was a big
(& hard) secret to keep. I was really upset that it got out the way it did but was glad that it wasn't because of the slip-ups by the boys. That little girl was evil.
18. Up to this point I really enjoyed the scenes with Mr. Tongo. What did you think of his guidance to Penn and Rosie? Do you believe that by sheltering Poppy they hindered her development?
He was a character! I loved Mr. Tongo... until this last scene. Like, he couldn't give them a heads up what to expect/what to think of for the future? Some kind of warning? I would've thought he would've guided them better, not just do damage control after the fact. I do think Penn & Rosie sheltered Poppy but I think that's normal for parents.
19. On the one hand we have Penn enthusiastically researching vaginoplasty for Poppy's future, but on the other we have Rosie more along the lines of making decisions based on the present. Considering that Poppy is only 10 and taking into account the events leading up to this discussion, which side did you most agree with?
Definitely Rosie's. I keep going back to She's only 10! I understood Penn's wanting to be prepared for the future but I think he was a little premature in some of it. And it should be something that Poppy can make a decision about because it is her body.
20. Unexpectedly Rosie decided to work at the clinic in Thailand and to take Claude/Poppy with her. Did you think this was the right thing to do for Claude/Poppy? For her family?
Not even taking into account the large Trans community in Thailand since this wasn't even brought up at this point, I didn't agree with Rosie's decision. It felt like she was running away from their problems. And if she was going to work in a clinic, what would Poppy get out of it? She'd be away all day and what, leave Poppy in the room, not spend quality time with her?
Day 4: Who Knows? - Aid Ambiguous16. Throughout the book Penn has used fairy tales to explore the issues in their lives. Did you enjoy this approach?
The fairytales have been a lot of fun, though I’m not sure how much of the Grumwald story would go over real kids’ heads.
17. All 4 boys admitted to telling Poppy's secret. Were you surprised by this? And how did you feel when it was later revealed how Poppy was outed?
I kind of liked that all 4 boys told, and told for different reasons (though the middle-of-the-night reveals were straight out of a sitcom). The actual truth of how Poppy was outed was more disturbing, in that it was some nosy asshole adult’s fault.
18. Up to this point I really enjoyed the scenes with Mr. Tongo. What did you think of his guidance to Penn and Rosie? Do you believe that by sheltering Poppy they hindered her development?
The Mr. Tongo scenes were wonderful. His guidance was spot-on, and presented with such humor and goodwill. I don’t think that sheltering Poppy hindered her development, because all kids need to be sheltered to some extent only UNTIL it does harm
19. On the one hand we have Penn enthusiastically researching vaginoplasty for Poppy's future, but on the other we have Rosie more along the lines of making decisions based on the present. Considering that Poppy is only 10 and taking into account the events leading up to this discussion, which side did you most agree with?
Both. It is never too early to research, and it is never bad to assess the present moment. And actually I know a family grappling with this stuff in real life. For them, taking both tactics seems to work pretty well too.
20. Unexpectedly Rosie decided to work at the clinic in Thailand and to take Claude/Poppy with her. Did you think this was the right thing to do for Claude/Poppy? For her family?
This was one of the most fake moments of the book for me. It’s one of those “Psst, Author, Your Seams Are Showing” moments. The rest of the book feels real, but Rosie taking her child to Thailand for months does not. It feels like the entire reason to make the character of Rosie a doctor was so that there would be a narrative excuse for this Thailand thing, beyond just running away, anywhere away, from the problems at home.
That all being said, I did like the Thailand bits for themselves, and it’s definitely good for Poppy/Claude to see such a different way of living and being. I don’t really get what Rosie thought that Poppy would be doing all day for all that time though.
DQs Day 3 - Everyone Who? - Hedge Enemies11. The description of them unpacking - pictures on wall first - is so true to me: pictures on the wall, books on shelves and the rest can wait. Do you unpack like that? More widely, did you enjoy the information about the family settling into the new neighbourhood?
I like to unpack from the bottom up - so all the basic necessities first and then probably things like pictures and books last! Obviously the first thing to be unpacked and set up is the kettle! I did enjoy reading about the family settling into the new neighbourhood and meeting everyone.
12. Rosie is having difficulties settling into the new job, and the senior partner's slightly wonky (but oh-so-real) view about how flexible working actually functions. Do you enjoy that Frankel is bringing in adult life issues wider than just parenting a trans kid?
Oh yes absolutely. Clearly the central theme is about bringing up a trans child but there's also themes of workplace politics, gender roles in general and of course, family.
13. Roo.... poor Roo. What did you think about his video project when you first read about it? How did you feel by the end of the section? Any thoughts on how Roo's story will pan out?
When I read about the video I thought that this just can't be right! No way would Roo make something like this. There must be a mistake. I think Roo has some issues that really do need to be addressed before the spiral out of control.
14. The last chapter has a discussion about gender pay equality, and Rosie realises that Poppy had no idea about this, and wonders if they have done her a disservice by sheltering her too much from equality issues. Do you agree? Do you think it's realistic that Poppy wouldn't know?
I'm pretty sure I had no idea about gender equality issues until at least secondary school so I definitely think it's realistic that Poppy didn't know about it. It really isn't something a 9 year old needs to worry themselves about. You would hope it wouldn't really be much of an issue by the time she is an adult!
15. I find the narrator's voice slightly odd: it veers from a high-level view down into intimate POV, and chucks in a whole load of Ominous Warnings of Impending Doom. Are you enjoying the writing style?
I'm enjoying the writing style very much. It's keeping me gripped and making me want to read on.
Day 5Novice - End
21. As Rosie battles the crisis of being a doctor in a hospital in the middle of a jungle with less than enough resources at hand, Claude/Poppy is thrust into a school to teach English to the kids there, which are very different from what she is used to - much simpler, maybe. If you had an opportunity to go to a place like that, would you take it? Do you think it would be life-changing for you? If yes/no, why?
22. What did you think of the ending? Did you think Aggie and Poppy would make up? What about Penn selling his fairytale - do you think that is a story that you would read yourself or would read to your children, about Grumwald who was a prince and a princess at the same time?
23. I especially liked the end chapter where his/her story is drawn out, a metaphor for everything Poppy went through. Did you think it was a good addition to the book? And what about the moral: 'story is the best magic there is'. Do you agree/disagree?
24. All in all, did you enjoy the book? How would you rate it?
DQs Day 2: Maybe to Rival Neighbor Princess6.) The adults in this book have a wide range of reactions to Claude. You have the fun Mr. Tongo, the principle, Victoria Revels, Miss Appleton, the gun totting Nick, the horrible Cindy (who risks a kid's life like that!?!) and their reactions to Claude vary drastically. Thinking about these characters, I keep going back to the quote "At home Claude is loved no matter what. At school, sometimes it feels the opposite: you are not loved no matter what."
What do you think about this quote, is it true? What does the reactions of the older kids and adults versus the younger kids say about society?
It's always sad to see the adults/older kids having such difficulty just accepting people rather than labels. The young kids haven't necessarily concerned themselves with things like that and are just enjoying learning...if only we kept the wonder and learning and openess into adutlhood.
7.) In this section we learn where the title comes from. Do you agree with Penn's statement?
Apparently I missed this again!
8.) Claude chooses his new name, and as new names are wont to do, a new identity. Were you surprised at his choice? Do you think it was a good choice? Or a foreshadow of danger ahead?
I was also surprised, but he spent so much time with grandma that I'm sure she mentioned Poppy a lot. I had hoped that it wouldn't change Rosie's interactions with Poppy.
9.) Do you agree with Rosie's decision to move the family? Do you think problems will crop up with Roo in their new home with how attached he was to life in WI?
It would be terrifying to see that kind of violence and think it could happen to your child, especially on the heels on Nick's dad. It's so hard because it sounds like Roo was really thriving, so when do you balance the happiness of all the children. No easy answers.
10.) What are your thoughts are keeping Claude/Poppy's gender secret in their new home? How do you think the truth will come out? When it does, what do you think will happen to Poppy?
This killed me, secrets always come up and then there a feelings of betrayal.
Day 5Novice - End
21. As Rosie battles the crisis of being a doctor in a hospital in the middle of a jungle with less than enough resources at hand, Claude/Poppy is thrust into a school to teach English to the kids there, which are very different from what she is used to - much simpler, maybe. If you had an opportunity to go to a place like that, would you take it? Do you think it would be life-changing for you? If yes/no, why?
---I'm not sure I would. At least not a jungle. I like the idea of a life changing experience that would expand my world, but I'm not sure what that would be for me. I've thought over the years of going to another country for an apprenticeship, or art school, or just to work in a taverna in Greece, but the idea of a Peace-Corps type situation has never been something I yearned for. However, I think there should be a draft in this country (US), not necessarily for the armed forces, but for public service. Give a couple of years of your life to others, and go to school for free. Something like that. Sorry if it is off topic.
22. What did you think of the ending? Did you think Aggie and Poppy would make up? What about Penn selling his fairytale - do you think that is a story that you would read yourself or would read to your children, about Grumwald who was a prince and a princess at the same time?
---I thought that the girls would make a sort of peace. I had a couple of choice rejoinders for Aggie going through my head if she didn't come around. I liked the fact that he sold it. It seemed like a good idea for an ongoing series.
23. I especially liked the end chapter where his/her story is drawn out, a metaphor for everything Poppy went through. Did you think it was a good addition to the book? And what about the moral: 'story is the best magic there is'. Do you agree/disagree?
---I thought the ending chapter was a little pat. But I like the sentiment about story and magic. I got my little sisters a book on storytelling years ago. I think there need to be more storytellers. I wish I had that talent.
24. All in all, did you enjoy the book? How would you rate it?
---I gave it three stars. I liked it, but I did not love how everything was a cliffhanger that didn't get resolved how it was foreshadowed, and I didn't love the writing style. I did really like the interactions in the family. It sort of made me wish I grew up with brothers as well as my older sister. And that my parents had been as blatantly in love with each other as Rosie and Penn.
Day 5: Novice - End 21. As Rosie battles the crisis of being a doctor in a hospital in the middle of a jungle with less than enough resources at hand, Claude/Poppy is thrust into a school to teach English to the kids there, which are very different from what she is used to - much simpler, maybe. If you had an opportunity to go to a place like that, would you take it? Do you think it would be life-changing for you? If yes/no, why?
The younger me would definitely go. Current me… well, I might go, and I would make the most of it while there, but I don’t actively seek out exotic or “life-changing” experiences anymore. I am already experienced enough to be fairly content with where and what I am now. It’s good to be always learning and always improving oneself, and one’s impact on the world, but that’s not the same thing. Also, it’s easy for most people to think they’ve had some sort of epiphany when they are having it at a remove from their day-to-day life, but it rarely sticks once they go home.
22. What did you think of the ending? Did you think Aggie and Poppy would make up? What about Penn selling his fairytale - do you think that is a story that you would read yourself or would read to your children, about Grumwald who was a prince and a princess at the same time?
I liked the ending. I liked how everything was wrapped up, but not with a neat little bow like a “forever” ending. Penn’s fairytale mirrored that. And I would definitely read it to my children.
23. I especially liked the end chapter where his/her story is drawn out, a metaphor for everything Poppy went through. Did you think it was a good addition to the book? And what about the moral: 'story is the best magic there is'. Do you agree/disagree?
I liked that too. I have read other books (*cough* Lemony Snicket *cough*) where I absolutely hated the total lack of narrative resolution, with the lazy messaging that “stories go on forever so I don’t need to write a real ending for my books!” But in this case, that’s not what is happening. Instead, the messaging is about stories being important, and the power of telling one’s own, and how stories can change, even when parts seem to be over.
24. All in all, did you enjoy the book? How would you rate it?
I enjoyed it, and more than I thought I would. I rated it 4 out of 5.
DQs Day 3 - Everyone Who? - Hedge Enemies11. The description of them unpacking - pictures on wall first - is so true to me: pictures on the wall, books on shelves and the rest can wait. Do you unpack like that? More widely, did you enjoy the information about the family settling into the new neighbourhood?
I also need pictures on the walls, it's what starts to turn a house into a home for me. There is such a contrast between the new neighborhood and their previous home. They seemed to have had their own cocoon/safe place in WI, so it's startling to see this different neigbhborhood and eventual way of life.
12. Rosie is having difficulties settling into the new job, and the senior partner's slightly wonky (but oh-so-real) view about how flexible working actually functions. Do you enjoy that Frankel is bringing in adult life issues wider than just parenting a trans kid?
I really like the adult issues in so many different aspects of this book, it keeps things relatable and reminding us that there is no superhuman approach to raising kids, living life, making deisions and just functioning as human beings. Keeps it real.
13. Roo.... poor Roo. What did you think about his video project when you first read about it? How did you feel by the end of the section? Any thoughts on how Roo's story will pan out?
My heart breaks for Roo, just seeing such a change as a result of the move, there is a lot to deal with and he needs some focused attention. He does make sense regarding lies, and I'm not saying keeping the secret is good or bad, but it sets the stage for the kids and how they deal with situations.
14. The last chapter has a discussion about gender pay equality, and Rosie realises that Poppy had no idea about this, and wonders if they have done her a disservice by sheltering her too much from equality issues. Do you agree? Do you think it's realistic that Poppy wouldn't know?
This isn't even in her world of care or understanding, not as a kid.
15. I find the narrator's voice slightly odd: it veers from a high-level view down into intimate POV, and chucks in a whole load of Ominous Warnings of Impending Doom. Are you enjoying the writing style?
I like the voice, but in general I do not like it when authors give the ominous warnings in books, let the words speak for themselves.
Day 1: Start - Halloween1. Did you have any preconcieved ideas about this book before you started, what where they?
None at all, just that a family has a secret. I didn't read much else about it.
2. Rosie shares with us the continued pursuit of having a daughter and possibly having a version of her little sister Poppy in that daughter, what was your reaction to that?
My reaction was one of sadness and understanding. To lose someone you love so much, at such a young age - I can't imagine what that does to your heart and psyche. Of course Rosie wanted a daughter to honor Poppy's memory.
3. What do you think of Rosie and Penn's parenting style so far?
Man, they're really awesome. As a parent I constantly feel the need to correct my kid and keep her in check and have everything be sane and calm. That's not realistic with a kid so I often have to overrule that initial reaction and let her run amok a bit. I LOVE that Rosie and Penn let their kids be fully themselves and ecourage they're myriad interests.
4. I'm loving grandma, she doesn't even blink twice when Claude wants a bikini; what do you think would help Claude most, letting him wear bikini and dress in public or restricting him to only wear those at home?
What an awesome character, I love when she says she's too old to do anything but accept other people (paraphrasing). I thik Claude needs to be Claude and do what feels right for him.
5. It breaks my heart when Penn shows Rosie the drawings Claude has made of the family, where he is getting smaller with every drawing. What should they do?
Oh this broke my heart! That Claude was shrinking then disappeared, that's devastating for a child and a parent. I think they need to try letting Claude dress as he chooses at school.
DQs Day 2: Maybe to Rival Neighbor Princess6.) The adults in this book have a wide range of reactions to Claude. You have the fun Mr. Tongo, the principle, Victoria Revels, Miss Appleton, the gun totting Nick, the horrible Cindy (who risks a kid's life like that!?!) and their reactions to Claude vary drastically. Thinking about these characters, I keep going back to the quote "At home Claude is loved no matter what. At school, sometimes it feels the opposite: you are not loved no matter what."
What do you think about this quote, is it true? What does the reactions of the older kids and adults versus the younger kids say about society?
Some of these adults made my blood boil! Nick is obviously odious but even Miss Appleton and Victoria really got under my skin. Mr Tongo is amazing though, he is so quirky but gives incredible insight into Claude's experience and how to support him. Adults can be so stuck in their preconceived notions and will judge a person or situation by the basic information, not by the individual involved. Children are so much more accepting, they're curious and more open at that age.
7.) In this section we learn where the title comes from. Do you agree with Penn's statement?
Annnnd I totally missed this!
8.) Claude chooses his new name, and as new names are wont to do, a new identity. Were you surprised at his choice? Do you think it was a good choice? Or a foreshadow of danger ahead?
I think it's a lovely and thoughtful choice - but it worries me. The original Poppy didn't have a happy ending, I fear this is foreshadowing.
9.) Do you agree with Rosie's decision to move the family? Do you think problems will crop up with Roo in their new home with how attached he was to life in WI?
The decision seems a bit rash. I completely understand Rosie's need to protect her child but it all seems very rushed. However if I saw a patient die in such a violent way and could see my child's future in that person's face, i would maybe act just as quickly. I so feel for Roo, he has already been struggling with understanding and accepting Poppy's changes and now he feel like he is being ripped away from everything he knows and loves just for her. It's a lot for a kid that age to process. I think there will definitely be problems.
10.) What are your thoughts are keeping Claude/Poppy's gender secret in their new home? How do you think the truth will come out? When it does, what do you think will happen to Poppy?
Sigh, I have such mixed feelings. On one hand I completely agree with Mr. Tongo's advice, this isn't a necessary detail since Poppy is truly Poppy. She deserves a chance to have a regular childhood and not be judged all of the time. However it does feel like an omission, especially as they develop close friendships. I think keeping this a secret will blow up in their faces.
Mod
1. Did you have any preconcieved ideas about this book before you started, what where they?
Absolutely none! I put it up as a nomination for the mods for our takeover book because it is the next book in one of my RL bookclubs. Other than that, I had no expectations or knowledge of the book
2. Rosie shares with us the continued pursuit of having a daughter and possibly having a version of her little sister Poppy in that daughter, what was your reaction to that?
I can't relate, but I do understand. She has a lot of unresolved feelings for her sister and is trying to recreate that relationship in a new way
3. What do you think of Rosie and Penn's parenting style so far?
I actually quite like it. I have 2 kids and it is a team sport. I think it is awesome that they have some controlled chaos
4. I'm loving grandma, she doesn't even blink twice when Claude wants a bikini; what do you think would help Claude most, letting him wear bikini and dress in public or restricting him to only wear those at home?
I honestly don't know. We want the best for our kids, don't want them to be teased etc. But at the same time, trying to keep it secret does then give him the impression what he is doing is wrong or shameful
5. It breaks my heart when Penn shows Rosie the drawings Claude has made of the family, where he is getting smaller with every drawing. What should they do?
Omg. so sad. Bring on the psychologist!!
Mod
After seeing that, they have to go about making Claude's life better, period. Counseling. Letting him dress as a girl. Letting him identify as a girl, if that is what makes him/her feel right. Learn about the subject. Talk to his bitch teacher..."
Yes! And LOL
That made me so uncomfortable that the teacher was like that. I find in kindergarten anything goes with what kids want to dress. Saying a bag is "distracting" was so unbelievable
Mod
LOL"
awesome - can't wait! teehee
ay 1: Start - Halloween1. Did you have any preconcieved ideas about this book before you started, what where they?
No, I went into it open minded. I don't normally read this type of book so I hoped it would be good.
2. Rosie shares with us the continued pursuit of having a daughter and possibly having a version of her little sister Poppy in that daughter, what was your reaction to that?
I understand where she comes from. She's outnumbered by males in her family and she misses her sister.
3. What do you think of Rosie and Penn's parenting style so far?
I think it's great! Embrace the child and their feelings. Even though they are a little person they have feelings and ideas as well. I feel as long as it isn't hurting them or anyone else go with it.
4. I'm loving grandma, she doesn't even blink twice when Claude wants a bikini; what do you think would help Claude most, letting him wear bikini and dress in public or restricting him to only wear those at home?
I think being able to dress however he likes would help him the most.
5. It breaks my heart when Penn shows Rosie the drawings Claude has made of the family, where he is getting smaller with every drawing. What should they do?
Have a talk with Claude, maybe take him to therapy.
Day 1: Start - Halloween1. Did you have any preconcieved ideas about this book before you started, what where they?
I've read what this book is about a couple of times already, and it was on my 'want to read' shelf for a while now, but I haven't really thought about it going into it.
2. Rosie shares with us the continued pursuit of having a daughter and possibly having a version of her little sister Poppy in that daughter, what was your reaction to that?
It seemed a bit excessive, but I still kinda understood where she was coming from.
3. What do you think of Rosie and Penn's parenting style so far?
I love them! I think they're amazing parents and I wish more people were like them.
4. I'm loving grandma, she doesn't even blink twice when Claude wants a bikini; what do you think would help Claude most, letting him wear bikini and dress in public or restricting him to only wear those at home?
This is a hard question. I think letting them wear whatever they want to wear is what I would go with (hopefully), but I can see how Claude's parents want to protect their youngest from the outside world.
5. It breaks my heart when Penn shows Rosie the drawings Claude has made of the family, where he is getting smaller with every drawing. What should they do?
The best thing they can probably do is to keep reminding Claude that they will always be there for him and that they love him no matter what. <3
DQs Day 2: Maybe to Rival Neighbor Princess6.) The adults in this book have a wide range of reactions to Claude. You have the fun Mr. Tongo, the principle, Victoria Revels, Miss Appleton, the gun totting Nick, the horrible Cindy (who risks a kid's life like that!?!) and their reactions to Claude vary drastically. Thinking about these characters, I keep going back to the quote "At home Claude is loved no matter what. At school, sometimes it feels the opposite: you are not loved no matter what."
What do you think about this quote, is it true? What does the reactions of the older kids and adults versus the younger kids say about society?
We learn from those around us and take our cues. Kids will be open unless they learn otherwise. I liked how the most important question for one of the kids was about tights and if they were itchy.
7.) In this section we learn where the title comes from. Do you agree with Penn's statement?
I truthfully do not remember Penn's statement. However, I remember thinking, "oh there is the title, that fits."
8.) Claude chooses his new name, and as new names are wont to do, a new identity. Were you surprised at his choice? Do you think it was a good choice? Or a foreshadow of danger ahead?
I thought it was a good choice. I didn't see it as foreshadowing danger ahead.
9.) Do you agree with Rosie's decision to move the family? Do you think problems will crop up with Roo in their new home with how attached he was to life in WI?
The move was a hard choice, and I'm not sure it was the right one. However, it was clearly hardest for Roo and the parents were clearly most worried about Poppy.
10.) What are your thoughts are keeping Claude/Poppy's gender secret in their new home? How do you think the truth will come out? When it does, what do you think will happen to Poppy?
I thought, "oh, no. This will not be good." I understand why Poppy wants it to be a secret and it lets her get to know the kids and parents without any judgement. However, long term it wasn't possible.
DQs Day 3 - Everyone Who? - Hedge Enemies11. The description of them unpacking - pictures on wall first - is so true to me: pictures on the wall, books on shelves and the rest can wait. Do you unpack like that? More widely, did you enjoy the information about the family settling into the new neighbourhood?
I don't think I would unpack like that, but I'm really not sure what I would do. Maybe dishes first because having a good meal is really important to me.
12. Rosie is having difficulties settling into the new job, and the senior partner's slightly wonky (but oh-so-real) view about how flexible working actually functions. Do you enjoy that Frankel is bringing in adult life issues wider than just parenting a trans kid?
I did like that they story felt real and it wasn't just about the issues of parenting. There were a few times that the office politics really bothered me.
13. Roo.... poor Roo. What did you think about his video project when you first read about it? How did you feel by the end of the section? Any thoughts on how Roo's story will pan out?
I was a little surprised but Roo's video at first but by the end of the section I got it. I think Roo really gets the problem but doesn't know what to do in the face of his parents.
14. The last chapter has a discussion about gender pay equality, and Rosie realises that Poppy had no idea about this, and wonders if they have done her a disservice by sheltering her too much from equality issues. Do you agree? Do you think it's realistic that Poppy wouldn't know?
I do think that it is realist that 10 year old Poppy wouldn't know. I don't think that is sheltering your child. I don't know that I knew about gender inequality and pay differences until I was looking for a job.
15. I find the narrator's voice slightly odd: it veers from a high-level view down into intimate POV, and chucks in a whole load of Ominous Warnings of Impending Doom. Are you enjoying the writing style?
Since I'm listening to the audio, I don't think I'm getting the same feeling. I find that the narration is softened when you listen to a book. I did like the way the story shifts around. For me it made the story feel full and complete instead of partial.
DQs Day 3 - Everyone Who? - Hedge Enemies11. The description of them unpacking - pictures on wall first - is so true to me: pictures on the wall, books on shelves and the rest can wait. Do you unpack like that? More widely, did you enjoy the information about the family settling into the new neighbourhood?
It definitely felt like the way a loving family would unpack. Put themselves in the house in multiple ways first, then the other stuff, I liked that. I also enjoyed seeing them all make friends with the neighbors.
12. Rosie is having difficulties settling into the new job, and the senior partner's slightly wonky (but oh-so-real) view about how flexible working actually functions. Do you enjoy that Frankel is bringing in adult life issues wider than just parenting a trans kid?
I do. Frankel is giving us a really detailed look into this family's life. I don;t think this is a story about a trans girl, I think this is a story abut a family that happens to include a trans girl.
13. Roo.... poor Roo. What did you think about his video project when you first read about it? How did you feel by the end of the section? Any thoughts on how Roo's story will pan out?
This doesn't feel right to me. Roo seems angry but not hateful and even though he's struggled to understand Poppy and his parent's choices he hasn't ever not accepted or supported Poppy. The whole tone felt odd.
14. The last chapter has a discussion about gender pay equality, and Rosie realises that Poppy had no idea about this, and wonders if they have done her a disservice by sheltering her too much from equality issues. Do you agree? Do you think it's realistic that Poppy wouldn't know?
I do think this is realistic. I don;t think many parents even speak about income with their kids and income inequality isn't a topic most would breach with younger kids.
15. I find the narrator's voice slightly odd: it veers from a high-level view down into intimate POV, and chucks in a whole load of Ominous Warnings of Impending Doom. Are you enjoying the writing style?
Yes, I like getting various perspectives and having it be unpredictable.
DQs Day 2: Maybe to Rival Neighbor Princess6.) The adults in this book have a wide range of reactions to Claude. You have the fun Mr. Tongo, the principle, Victoria Revels, Miss Appleton, the gun totting Nick, the horrible Cindy (who risks a kid's life like that!?!) and their reactions to Claude vary drastically. Thinking about these characters, I keep going back to the quote "At home Claude is loved no matter what. At school, sometimes it feels the opposite: you are not loved no matter what."
What do you think about this quote, is it true? What does the reactions of the older kids and adults versus the younger kids say about society?
I agree that at home you are loved and you never know in society. Home is where you should be accepted unconditionally. Maybe others in the family don't agree with you but they still love and accept you. Younger kids don't know any different and it's a beautiful thing. They don't see skin color or demographic all they see is another kid who might be fun to play with. The rest comes later when the parents/society teaches them what they should think (or maybe shouldn't think). Opinions and prejudices are pressed into their little minds when what they had before was true and pure love for another.
7.) In this section we learn where the title comes from. Do you agree with Penn's statement?
I do because life can be a mess and you sometimes just have to roll with the punches.
8.) Claude chooses his new name, and as new names are wont to do, a new identity. Were you surprised at his choice? Do you think it was a good choice? Or a foreshadow of danger ahead?
No, I really wasn't surprised. I knew it wouldn't be a form of Claude and he seems like a very introspective person so choosing Poppy seemed very likely. I think it was an excellent choice. It was the name of a beloved family member and he is choosing to remember her by honoring her and choosing her name. The whole book seemed to foreshadow danger ahead. I keep waiting for the moment when someone finds out the secret.
9.) Do you agree with Rosie's decision to move the family? Do you think problems will crop up with Roo in their new home with how attached he was to life in WI?
I do agree. I think a fresh start was the way to go. She felt the need to protect her baby. I definitely think there will be problems but I also think there would problems if they stayed in WI. He's a teenager-they're moody, broody and problematic no matter where they are.
10.) What are your thoughts on keeping Claude/Poppy's gender secret in their new home? How do you think the truth will come out? When it does, what do you think will happen to Poppy?
I 'm not sure how I feel about this, although a fresh start was why the move took place. Poppy needed to have a chance to establish her identity without all the stigmas of the people around her in WI that were toxic. Someone will slip eventually. It's hard to keep secrets. I think she'll self-destruct but come out stronger.
DQs Day 3 - Everyone Who? - Hedge Enemies11. The description of them unpacking - pictures on wall first - is so true to me: pictures on the wall, books on shelves and the rest can wait. Do you unpack like that? More widely, did you enjoy the information about the family settling into the new neighbourhood?
Books on shelves first the rest can wait. I liked the information it gave insight as to what type of neighborhood they had moved into.
12. Rosie is having difficulties settling into the new job, and the senior partner's slightly wonky (but oh-so-real) view about how flexible working actually functions. Do you enjoy that Frankel is bringing in adult life issues wider than just parenting a trans kid?
I think she had to bring in other issues to show that Poppy wasn't the only thing the parents were dealing with. There are 4 other kids, a job, and life in general.
13. Roo.... poor Roo. What did you think about his video project when you first read about it? How did you feel by the end of the section? Any thoughts on how Roo's story will pan out?
At first I thought he was angry at his parents for all the attention being placed on Poppy but then I started to think there had to more to the story than meets the eye.
14. The last chapter has a discussion about gender pay equality, and Rosie realises that Poppy had no idea about this, and wonders if they have done her a disservice by sheltering her too much from equality issues. Do you agree? Do you think it's realistic that Poppy wouldn't know?
I definitely feel it's realistic that she wouldn't have known she's a little kid and little kids don't worry about those things. In there eyes all things are equal. I don't think they've done a disservice I think they have sheltered her as all parents shelter their children from the outside world.
15. I find the narrator's voice slightly odd: it veers from a high-level view down into intimate POV, and chucks in a whole load of Ominous Warnings of Impending Doom. Are you enjoying the writing style?
It's different-I don't love it but I also don't hate it.
16. Throughout the book Penn has used fairy tales to explore the issues in their lives. Did you enjoy this approach?I love this approach. It feels so real for a writer to be creating this everlasting story for his children about his children.
17. All 4 boys admitted to telling Poppy's secret. Were you surprised by this? And how did you feel when it was later revealed how Poppy was outed?
I wasn't surprised at all. This is a big secret for so many kids to keep. I was surprised about how it came out, surprised and really angered.
18. Up to this point I really enjoyed the scenes with Mr. Tongo. What did you think of his guidance to Penn and Rosie? Do you believe that by sheltering Poppy they hindered her development?
I think that's very feasible. They were so accepting which is beautiful, but they also weren't communicating with Poppy about her differences to other kids.
19. On the one hand we have Penn enthusiastically researching vaginoplasty for Poppy's future, but on the other we have Rosie more along the lines of making decisions based on the present. Considering that Poppy is only 10 and taking into account the events leading up to this discussion, which side did you most agree with?
I don't agree more with either, I think there needs to be more of a balance. Penn is right to want to be informed, Rosie is right to not want to make any life altering changes so young.
20. Unexpectedly Rosie decided to work at the clinic in Thailand and to take Claude/Poppy with her. Did you think this was the right thing to do for Claude/Poppy? For her family?
I was worried this was the book essentially jumping the shark. Really? Escape to Thailand? Really??? But it's not a totally odd move for a doctor and Poppy is going through something traumatic and is clearly depressed so maybe the change will be beneficial and the trip won't feel like forced movement in the plot.
Day 4 - Who Knows? - Aid Ambiguous16. Throughout the book Penn has used fairy tales to explore the issues in their lives. Did you enjoy this approach?
I did, I also thought that maybe that should be the type of book he should be writing.
17. All 4 boys admitted to telling Poppy's secret. Were you surprised by this? And how did you feel when it was later revealed how Poppy was outed?
No, because I think they all felt terrible about any little slips they made. They wanted to give Poppy and their parents someone to blame. I was angry because they woman should not have read the file and should not have discussed it with her husband. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree considering how Marnie acts.
18. Up to this point I really enjoyed the scenes with Mr. Tongo. What did you think of his guidance to Penn and Rosie? Do you believe that by sheltering Poppy they hindered her development?
I thought Mr Tongo was a fun character who has probably seen a lot things in his tenure. I don't think they hindered her development in the slightest. I think they gave her the chance to discover who she is and embrace it.
19. On the one hand we have Penn enthusiastically researching vaginoplasty for Poppy's future, but on the other we have Rosie more along the lines of making decisions based on the present. Considering that Poppy is only 10 and taking into account the events leading up to this discussion, which side did you most agree with?
I think as a parent you always want to be able to put a quick fix on any problems your children have. I think Penn thought that by changing Poppy's genitalia that everything would be fixed not necessarily so. Rosie is more clinical in her thinking since she is a doctor. I didn't agree with either one. I felt that it was a discussion that needed to be had between the two of them with as many facts about all the choices and then presented to Poppy to make the ultimate decision. Nothing needed to be done quickly.
20. Unexpectedly Rosie decided to work at the clinic in Thailand and to take Claude/Poppy with her. Did you think this was the right thing to do for Claude/Poppy? For her family?
I think Rosie thinks that getting away with Poppy will give her time to think decide what will make her most happy. I also think Rosie wanted to show Poppy another side of life with different struggles. Give her time to think.
Mod
6.) The adults in this book have a wide range of reactions to Claude. You have the fun Mr. Tongo, the principle, Victoria Revels, Miss Appleton, the gun totting Nick, the horrible Cindy (who risks a kid's life like that!?!) and their reactions to Claude vary drastically. Thinking about these characters, I keep going back to the quote "At home Claude is loved no matter what. At school, sometimes it feels the opposite: you are not loved no matter what."
What do you think about this quote, is it true? What does the reactions of the older kids and adults versus the younger kids say about society?
I think this book is doing a good job at capturing the different reactions people will have. And school is tough - kids can be cruel , so I liked the quote
7.) In this section we learn where the title comes from. Do you agree with Penn's statement?
I think I missed this. I have the kindle so I’ll go back and search ;)
8.) Claude chooses his new name, and as new names are wont to do, a new identity. Were you surprised at his choice? Do you think it was a good choice? Or a foreshadow of danger ahead?
I have mixed feelings. Is it her choice because she knew her mother’s feelings for poppy? We don’t really know what she has been told before
9.) Do you agree with Rosie's decision to move the family? Do you think problems will crop up with Roo in their new home with how attached he was to life in WI?
I understand the decision. I’m sure there will be consequences for the family and I like that Penn tried to point out that there are 7 people in the family and these choices affect them all
10.) What are your thoughts are keeping Claude/Poppy's gender secret in their new home? How do you think the truth will come out? When it does, what do you think will happen to Poppy?
I understand. She is able to live freely for the first time. Things will come out and be awkward and awful, but there is no roadmap for the parents for this
DQs Day 2: Maybe to Rival Neighbor Princess6.) The adults in this book have a wide range of reactions to Claude. You have the fun Mr. Tongo, the principle, Victoria Revels, Miss Appleton, the gun totting Nick, the horrible Cindy (who risks a kid's life like that!?!) and their reactions to Claude vary drastically. Thinking about these characters, I keep going back to the quote "At home Claude is loved no matter what. At school, sometimes it feels the opposite: you are not loved no matter what."
What do you think about this quote, Is it true? What does the reactions of the older kids and adults versus the younger kids say about society?
Younger kids are much more open to various things because they haven't been 'taught' yet what other people see as 'wrong' or inappropriate. Most of them don't care if something is different until they're shown by their parents or other adults or siblings how they feel about a certain thing.
7.) In this section we learn where the title comes from. Do you agree with Penn's statement?
I'm not a parent, but it does make sense to me.
8.) Claude chooses his new name, and as new names are wont to do, a new identity. Were you surprised at his choice? Do you think it was a good choice? Or a foreshadow of danger ahead?
I wasn't super surprised, but I thought it was cute (: and what a beautiful way for them to come up with their new name.
9.) Do you agree with Rosie's decision to move the family? Do you think problems will crop up with Roo in their new home with how attached he was to life in WI?
It makes sense that the family moved and kind of started over, that's probably what I would have done. I'm sure this is much easier on Poppy, and I hope that Roo understands too.
10.) What are your thoughts on keeping Claude/Poppy's gender secret in their new home? How do you think the truth will come out? When it does, what do you think will happen to Poppy?
Again, I think it makes sense for them to not tell, but I wouldn't call it 'keeping it a secret' per se. Poppy is a girl, that's all that should matter. However I do think that it'll come out sooner or later since this is a book, and showers after PE have already been mentioned. I'm afraid it will be horrible for Poppy :(
Day 5Novice - End
21. As Rosie battles the crisis of being a doctor in a hospital in the middle of a jungle with less than enough resources at hand, Claude/Poppy is thrust into a school to teach English to the kids there, which are very different from what she is used to - much simpler, maybe. If you had an opportunity to go to a place like that, would you take it? Do you think it would be life-changing for you? If yes/no, why?
I don't know that I could do it. I'm such a creature of comfort and a germaphobe. I would like to think that I could go and help others somewhere remote but I just don't know if I would be able to get out of my comfort zone.
22. What did you think of the ending? Did you think Aggie and Poppy would make up? What about Penn selling his fairytale - do you think that is a story that you would read yourself or would read to your children, about Grumwald who was a prince and a princess at the same time?
I said earlier that this is type of book that Penn should be writing and lol and behold that is what he ended up writing and it sold. I don't know that I would read it. I think it would resonate with a certain type of audience though. I thought the ending was ok. It left a lot to the imagination as to Poppy's future. I wasn't sure that she and Aggie would make up but I hoped they would.
23. I especially liked the end chapter where his/her story is drawn out, a metaphor for everything Poppy went through. Did you think it was a good addition to the book? And what about the moral: 'story is the best magic there is'. Do you agree/disagree?
I agree that stories are the best magic. You can write/imagine whatever you want and that makes it magical. I guess it was a good metaphor by the last chapter I was ready to be done with the book.
24. All in all, did you enjoy the book? How would you rate it?
I gave it three stars. It was ok. I got kind of annoyed that it was so drawn out and the POV got to me after awhile.
Mod
11. The description of them unpacking - pictures on wall first - is so true to me: pictures on the wall, books on shelves and the rest can wait. Do you unpack like that? More widely, did you enjoy the information about the family settling into the new neighbourhood?
Yes, I agree. Unpacking sucks so we tend to do important things first. It was interesting that the pictures became a focus of what is happening with their 'family secret'.
12. Rosie is having difficulties settling into the new job, and the senior partner's slightly wonky (but oh-so-real) view about how flexible working actually functions. Do you enjoy that Frankel is bringing in adult life issues wider than just parenting a trans kid?
I think this is a realistic look at families and the parental juggle. Not just having a transgender child. I like this part of the story with the wife in a "male" job struggling to have some flexibility despite being "equal" with the other partners.
13. Roo.... poor Roo. What did you think about his video project when you first read about it? How did you feel by the end of the section? Any thoughts on how Roo's story will pan out?
His story is becoming the saddest of all. I love Rosie and Penn, but they are blind and seem to be ignoring their other children. Being a teenager is so hard let alone one that has had to be uprooted like that. I am concerned that the child they are afraid of being harmed/comitting suicide is not actually Poppy but Roo.
14. The last chapter has a discussion about gender pay equality, and Rosie realises that Poppy had no idea about this, and wonders if they have done her a disservice by sheltering her too much from equality issues. Do you agree? Do you think it's realistic that Poppy wouldn't know?
She is only... 10? I think at this point? I don't think she would or should know. Gees ; heaps of adults still don't believe it. (or think it is an issue)
15. I find the narrator's voice slightly odd: it veers from a high-level view down into intimate POV, and chucks in a whole load of Ominous Warnings of Impending Doom. Are you enjoying the writing style?
I don't like the warnings. Other books I have read that use this style irk me too. It is ok once or twice, but when it is pretty much every chapter I find it a bit annoying. Otherwise I don't mind the changes in the POV and the style.
Mod
16. Throughout the book Penn has used fairy tales to explore the issues in their lives. Did you enjoy this approach?
I love it. It is his natural strength and perfect for teaching kids
17. All 4 boys admitted to telling Poppy's secret. Were you surprised by this? And how did you feel when it was later revealed how Poppy was outed?
At first I was surprised, but then not at all. They are kids and it is just too big for them to all never speak of it
18. Up to this point I really enjoyed the scenes with Mr. Tongo. What did you think of his guidance to Penn and Rosie? Do you believe that by sheltering Poppy they hindered her development?
I love him! I’m not sure they hindered her, but certainly protected her to a point that she is now unaware of who she is
19. On the one hand we have Penn enthusiastically researching vaginoplasty for Poppy's future, but on the other we have Rosie more along the lines of making decisions based on the present. Considering that Poppy is only 10 and taking into account the events leading up to this discussion, which side did you most agree with?
There’s no “right” here and I understand both perspectives. They both want their child to just be happy and safe
20. Unexpectedly Rosie decided to work at the clinic in Thailand and to take Claude/Poppy with her. Did you think this was the right thing to do for Claude/Poppy? For her family?
I guess some kind of drastic change was needed and Rosie seems to be desperate to hold onto that job (even though he is a complete ass). Hopefully it will give them both some perspective
I just noticed my library loan of this is running out in 2 days 6 hours so I guessssssss I have to start this asap...
Day 1: Start - Halloween1. Did you have any preconcieved ideas about this book before you started, what where they?
I was recommended this by a former teacher librarian after we realized we enjoyed a lot of the same books - and I thought this sounded quite interesting! I appreciate that the author chose to tell this story from the parents' POV and not the child's.
2. Rosie shares with us the continued pursuit of having a daughter and possibly having a version of her little sister Poppy in that daughter, what was your reaction to that?
I thought it was pretty funny, but also slightly weird how much space it took up? I'm always skeptical when parents have such high expectations of their children and while Rosie doesn't seem to be one to turn that into a negative, it still seems kind of fitting that it doesn't work out as easily as she hoped.
3. What do you think of Rosie and Penn's parenting style so far?
I really like it! Positively surprised to be honest.
4. I'm loving grandma, she doesn't even blink twice when Claude wants a bikini; what do you think would help Claude most, letting him wear bikini and dress in public or restricting him to only wear those at home?
Same, she seems like a pretty chill person! I think letting Claude dress the way Claude wants is the most important part - people should (and will) get over it.
5. It breaks my heart when Penn shows Rosie the drawings Claude has made of the family, where he is getting smaller with every drawing. What should they do?
Same - it was so sad to see, especially cause within the context of his family, Claude so far seemed to be doing alright?
DQs Day 3 - Everyone Who? - Hedge Enemies11. The description of them unpacking - pictures on wall first - is so true to me: pictures on the wall, books on shelves and the rest can wait. Do you unpack like that? More widely, did you enjoy the information about the family settling into the new neighbourhood?
I haven't really moved yet, at least not where I didn't know that I would be back in a couple of months again and didn't bring much, so I can't really say anything about that... However I did love getting a view from the whole family in their new environment. I think it makes you connect more to the characters separately.
12. Rosie is having difficulties settling into the new job, and the senior partner's slightly wonky (but oh-so-real) view about how flexible working actually functions. Do you enjoy that Frankel is bringing in adult life issues wider than just parenting a trans kid?
YES! I didn't really expect anything specific going into this book, but I just assumed that it would mainly (only?) be about a kid who's transgender and his family dealing with it. I love that it also focuses on other things the family members go through.
13. Roo.... poor Roo. What did you think about his video project when you first read about it? How did you feel by the end of the section? Any thoughts on how Roo's story will pan out?
I already finished the book, so I know how his story pans out and why he did what he did. However I did think that he might be gay himself and has a hard times coming to terms with it /sharing it with his family.
14. The last chapter has a discussion about gender pay equality, and Rosie realises that Poppy had no idea about this, and wonders if they have done her a disservice by sheltering her too much from equality issues. Do you agree? Do you think it's realistic that Poppy wouldn't know?
I honestly don't think that many kids at the age of 9 or so know how deeply equality issues go, especially when it comes to money?
15. I find the narrator's voice slightly odd: it veers from a high-level view down into intimate POV, and chucks in a whole load of Ominous Warnings of Impending Doom. Are you enjoying the writing style?
I didn't mind it, *shrugs*
Day 4 - Who Knows? - Aid Ambiguous16. Throughout the book Penn has used fairy tales to explore the issues in their lives. Did you enjoy this approach?
I think it was a great approach! Especially since he's a writer and he already started way earlier when he & Rosie first started dating.
17. All 4 boys admitted to telling Poppy's secret. Were you surprised by this? And how did you feel when it was later revealed how Poppy was outed?
At first I was surprised, but then again not really? They're just kids, and it was a big secret for them to have to keep, even though it wasn't a big deal to the boys that their littlest brother now was their sister. It did have to come out eventually, just the way it happened was absolutely inappropriate.
18. Up to this point I really enjoyed the scenes with Mr. Tongo. What did you think of his guidance to Penn and Rosie? Do you believe that by sheltering Poppy they hindered her development?
He was a bit annoying at times, but I think it's good that he's so upbeat about everything. It's only logical that Penn & Rosie tried to protect (or shelter) Poppy; I don't know if I would call it hindering her development.
19. On the one hand we have Penn enthusiastically researching vaginoplasty for Poppy's future, but on the other we have Rosie more along the lines of making decisions based on the present. Considering that Poppy is only 10 and taking into account the events leading up to this discussion, which side did you most agree with?
Penn definitely wasn't wrong for doing some research - I would have prepared as well, even if it wasn't needed for another few months or years. They didn't know if/when Poppy wanted to talk to them about it and would have needed some information.
20. Unexpectedly Rosie decided to work at the clinic in Thailand and to take Claude/Poppy with her. Did you think this was the right thing to do for Claude/Poppy? For her family?
I don't want to analyze Claude/Poppy, but it seemed like they were having depression, or they probably were on the way to some serious mental health issues so I think it was good for Rosie to get them out and to a new environment, however there was no way to know how Claude/Poppy would take to it. It probably wasn't the best decision for the whole family, but then again I'm sure it already was a hard decision for Rosie to make.
Day 5 Novice - End21. As Rosie battles the crisis of being a doctor in a hospital in the middle of a jungle with less than enough resources at hand, Claude/Poppy is thrust into a school to teach English to the kids there, which are very different from what she is used to - much simpler, maybe. If you had an opportunity to go to a place like that, would you take it? Do you think it would be life-changing for you? If yes/no, why?
I honestly would be too anxious about it. I'm a scaredy cat and even though I would like to do it, I know I wouldn't be able to get myself to do it. I'm sure it's a life-changing experience for anyone!
22. What did you think of the ending? Did you think Aggie and Poppy would make up? What about Penn selling his fairytale - do you think that is a story that you would read yourself or would read to your children, about Grumwald who was a prince and a princess at the same time?
I really liked the ending and of course I expected Poppy and Aggie to make up. They're best friends after all. - I think it's amazing that Penn wrote (at least parts of) Grumwald's adventures down and was able to sell them. It would make a great book irl too, I would love to read it to my children if I had any!
24. All in all, did you enjoy the book? How would you rate it?
5 stars! I loved it! loved it, loved it, loved it! This is such an important topic and I think more people should read this book.
Mod
Novice - End
21. As Rosie battles the crisis of being a doctor in a hospital in the middle of a jungle with less than enough resources at hand, Claude/Poppy is thrust into a school to teach English to the kids there, which are very different from what she is used to - much simpler, maybe. If you had an opportunity to go to a place like that, would you take it? Do you think it would be life-changing for you? If yes/no, why?
I went to rural Thailand in 2009 as a volunteer teaching English to adults and doing community projects. It was one of the best experiences of my life
22. What did you think of the ending? Did you think Aggie and Poppy would make up? What about Penn selling his fairytale - do you think that is a story that you would read yourself or would read to your children, about Grumwald who was a prince and a princess at the same time?
It was really fitting that there was no ending, but just a view of the middle ;)
I’d love to read the Grumwald story!
23. I especially liked the end chapter where his/her story is drawn out, a metaphor for everything Poppy went through. Did you think it was a good addition to the book? And what about the moral: 'story is the best magic there is'. Do you agree/disagree?
Yes it was very cool. And as a reader I think stories are very important and sometimes magical 😉
24. All in all, did you enjoy the book? How would you rate it?
I did! Really insightful not just a look at a transgender child but also just parenting and family dynamics. It was a little wordy sometimes and the style didn’t always work for me, but I enjoyed it and would recommend it to others
11. The description of them unpacking - pictures on wall first - is so true to me: pictures on the wall, books on shelves and the rest can wait. Do you unpack like that? More widely, did you enjoy the information about the family settling into the new neighbourhood?
I liked that it showed the change (close neighbours now v lots of space before), and that it required a mindshift for everyone. The house sounds very fun. I never had close neighbours like that when growing up, and was a bit disturbed by the tales of Rosie wandering around naked when next door was so close! I guess curtains were firmly drawn early each evening!
12. Rosie is having difficulties settling into the new job, and the senior partner's slightly wonky (but oh-so-real) view about how flexible working actually functions. Do you enjoy that Frankel is bringing in adult life issues wider than just parenting a trans kid?
I do. It does help give a reason when Rosie & Penn's energies are split, so why they are missing warning signs from Roo and (to a lesser degree) Ben and his stalkery tendencies....
I agree that Howie is so typical of senior management who are claiming flexible working, but not landing it well.
13. Roo.... poor Roo. What did you think about his video project when you first read about it? How did you feel by the end of the section? Any thoughts on how Roo's story will pan out?
Poor Roo. I know that Carmy made the point that Roo will get attention when he needs it, but honestly, he needed it before this. Earlier, Rosie (I think) said that she plans for the worst so that it doesn't happen. But she's not identified Roo's issues, with his loss of identity post the move.
I was really uncomfortable with the video, but Rosie & Penn didn't manage the discussion of it at all well. When Roo eventually explained his thinking it made sense, and I was relieved. He's right, though: by the keeping of the secret they are seeming to shut down wider discussion of how to be good activists / advocates / support for Poppy and LGBT+ issues.
14. The last chapter has a discussion about gender pay equality, and Rosie realises that Poppy had no idea about this, and wonders if they have done her a disservice by sheltering her too much from equality issues. Do you agree? Do you think it's realistic that Poppy wouldn't know?
I think they have sheltered Poppy a bit too much, for potential gender issues to be such a shock. I do agree with others, that Poppy wouldn't know the full impact of pay disparity, but she should have some idea, surely?
The sheltering leads into their lack of thinking about how to manage the secret and the eventual discovery, and how they haven't thought about puberty issues or wider impact on the family.
15. I find the narrator's voice slightly odd: it veers from a high-level view down into intimate POV, and chucks in a whole load of Ominous Warnings of Impending Doom. Are you enjoying the writing style?
Like I say, I find it a bit odd, and could do with less Obvious Warnings of Impending Doom, but I am enjoying the read.