The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters - Priya Parker - 4 stars

[Nikki]

[PBT note: I hope that this is suitable for the "Life" tag - I was reading it anyway and decided to report it here because it contains advice for living well, which springs from an emphasis on focusing on people and not things, and always striving for meaning and connection...]

Priya Parker has impressive credentials for sharing her opinions about creating “transformative” gatherings. Starting while still at university, she has worked at initiating and facilitating racial dialogue groups, high-level policy discussions, and conflict resolution sessions in several countries. But this book isn’t aimed at people who are meeting to bring about world peace: in fact I heard about it through an article about how a group of friends gathering to eat chilli was enhanced by following tips from the book. I was impressed by the idea of making social gatherings more enjoyable and meaningful by focusing on their purpose and the quality of the conversations we have, not just on the logistics of tidying and food preparation. (I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment expressed in the book that we need to stop “fussing over the crudités and hoping for the best when it comes to the human beings”.) The chapter headings give a flavour of the main recommendations she makes:

* Decide why you’re really gathering (identify a specific, unique, and “disputable” purpose)
* Close doors (through “thoughtful exclusion” of anyone not directly connected to your gathering’s purpose)
* Don’t be a chill host (instead, actively shape the event, and exercise “generous authority”)
* Create a temporary alternative world (try an unusual format or explicit “rules” for your event, especially if guests don’t share expectations about etiquette, or the prevailing culture works against the gathering’s purpose)
* Never start a funeral with logistics (priming and preparing your guests beforehand, pay attention to how you introduce people, and use a consciously chosen opening that helps people to feel welcomed, honoured, and even awed)
* Keep your best self out of my gathering (creating atmospheres and asking questions that encourage people to be authentic and vulnerable, sharing their “sprout” not “stump” speeches, i.e. something new, sincere, and unpolished)
* Cause good controversy (carefully encouraging discussion of sensitive topics and healthy exploration of areas of conflict to make a conversation more lively, energetic, and productive)
* Accept that there is an end (don’t try to prolong an event indefinitely, instead design a closing that reinforces meaning and connections)

I found this book enjoyable to read, and although (as a lifelong introvert) most of my hospitality is far too small-scale and informal to qualify as a “gathering”, I did feel that I was able to take away a few helpful and generally-applicable principles.

[Joanne]

Nikki-

Size does not matter(lol cannot believe I just said/typed that out loud!) 2 people make a gathering as far I as I see it!

I love all the highlights you emphasize here! I have a good friend who is so good at gathering groups, who you would think have nothing in common and nothing to talk about.-and yet her gatherings are always a hit! I think an eclectic group is always the key!

[Amy]

Group and party facilitation skills should not go underrated!

[Nikki]

Joanne wrote: "Nikki-

Size does not matter(lol cannot believe I just said/typed that out loud!) 2 people make a gathering as far I as I see it!

I love all the highlights you emphasize here! I have a good friend..."

Thank you! Your friend sounds like a fun person to know :-)