Non fiction from about ten years ago. Interview based study of why men cheat on their wives. Male author.

[Rachel]

I never actually read this book, but the author was interviewed in British Elle magazine sometime around 2008-12 and I thought his book sounded interesting but I recycled the magazine a loooong time ago and can't remember his name or the book title.

The author was a man who had interviewed hundreds of men who had affairs, and investigated the reasons why they ended up cheating. He came up with a theory that the cheaters fell into two broad camps: those who cheated as a one-off opportunity, and those who were serial cheaters who would never be faithful.

I also remember him saying that cheaters dislike themselves and that they have affairs as a way of starting fresh over and over again, so they never have to get past the honeymoon period and let someone actually get to know them.

Another random factoid was that the "other woman" who they cheat with is not necessarily more attractive than their wife/partner, but usually has longer hair. (This detail has bothered me for years because what if their wife already has really long hair? ...anyway)

The author was either British or American, but I can't remember which. The details above are all from the Elle interview. I've searched on their website and can't find any reference to it, but it was a fairly long time ago.

Any help appreciated.

[Lobstergirl, au gratin]

The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love, and the Reality of Cheating?

[Rachel]

This looks like a strong possibility, lobstergirl. Hard to tell since I never actually read the book though. I'll leave the post here for a bit longer just to see if I get any more suggestions.

[Kate]

Rachel ~~
Did you ever check into The Monogamy Gap to see if it was it or not for sure?

Also ~~
You can "bump" your thread every month or so. This pushes your thread back to the top of the folder instead of languishing here on page 173 where fewer eyes will see it. Get back in the game! Bump!
You can do this by typing a new comment at the end of the thread, or even by typing the word "bump."
Good luck!

[Rachel]

Thanks for the reminder. I'm still not sure if this is the right book.

[Kris]

Here's the Googe Book preview of The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love, and the Reality of Cheating by Eric Anderson with the table of contents:

https://books.google.com/books?id=bYs...

[Rachel]

It's hard to say because I never read the book itself, just an article about it. I searched in the google preview for the quote about men preferring women with longer hair, but got no results. It also seems quite focused on attractiveness, while the article I read stressed that men don't necessarily cheat with women more attractive than their partner. So, it ticks a lot of boxes but I'm not sure it's the one.

[Vulco1]

There is also "Brief Interviews with Ugly Men" by David Foster Wallace. It may be fiction though. The premise seems similar though.

[Rachel]

It's not that one, Vulco1, but thanks for the suggestion.

[Rainbowheart]

The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It?

[Rachel]

I don't think this is it, rainbowheart. i think the author was a writer/journalist of some sort rather than a rabbi. Thanks for the suggestion though!