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The Writing Desk discussion
Daily Writing Prompt
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I had a heart onceBut than He came in and pushed it right out
He replaced it with Himself
Every single ounce
He took hold of my body to do what He wished
I like my new heart
But it isn't mine
It's His. - Harper Nicole
"Hello," I said looking into her big blue eyes.In that instant I imagined her in my life forever. How it would be to walk the aisle with her. All the trips we would share. Even the children and grandchildren that our life together would be blessed with.
Her smile made the seconds feel like hours, and then the years of our future came into focus. This is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with flashed through my mind. The happy days and those sad days all mixed in together for the rest of our lives. How I could imagine the joy we would share as we journey through our life together. Those times when my shoulder would catch her tears as those days of joy would turn to sadness, but it is what I wanted. I wanted to be a part of sharing that part of life with her.
As I imagined our future together in just those few seconds it took for her to receive my greeting in her mind and process it and for it to return the response I knew was coming, I hoped that she was feeling the same as I was and she could see the future I was seeing. That five letter word I longed to hear could not come fast enough. Doubt crossed my mind as I waited to hear it, hoped to hear it.
"Hello," she said looking at me with her big blue eyes.
Panic!AtTheWritingDesk wrote: "Write one paragraph that is super creepy. Three to five sentences is all you need XD, and above all just have fun!"The message flashed on the screen for a brief second, but she received it loud and clear. "Don't move, don't blink, it's here." She knew. Struggling to keep her dry eyes open, she could already feel the cold, damp breath on her neck.
Hope it's cool that I'm doing two in a row! Hello
Said the child to his own mother
Smiling, as he would to any stranger
Hello
She replied, heartbroken, in tears
A polite 'hello' confirming her fears
Mod
The message flashed on the screen for a brief sec..."
Super weird, and definitely creepy. Good job. :)
Mod
In that instant I imagined her in my life forever. How it would be to walk the aisle with her. All the trips we would share. Even the children and g..."
This is really good. Not only is it sweet, super descriptive, and a greeting, but it's also creative and relatable. Nice one. :)
Mod
You could still see birds take flight
she was alone under a tree
this is the only place she could be free
her pain and sorrows all coming back
she was soon feeling trapped
All her life miserable and sad
But only one person could make her glad
~Tamra Jernigan
Mod
Thank you!
Mod
Do we have a topic, or are we just writing?
Harper Nicole wrote: "Do we have a topic, or are we just writing?"There were promts/topics, but they seem to be gone now. If I may be allowed to suggest a prompt: Write an opening of 1-5 sentences in which your character contradict themselves.
Because that's human and real, and it's good to practice making characters resemble that ;p
I guess I should go first, to kind of show what I meant ;p Also since we're doing feedback, how's my prose in this? Anything I should work on?-----
Bruce opened his eyes as the music stopped and chatter filled the silence. He glanced past the bar at the clock, whose faded white paint revealed the wood underneath. It's 3 a.m. already? These people should find better things to do with their lives, he thought. The music resumed, and he closed his eyes to let his mind fade once more into the monotone beat of the drums and the burning smell of whiskey.
Mod
There were promts/topics, but they seem to be gone now. If I may be allowed to suggest a prompt: Write an opening of 1-5 sentences..."
The prompt is great, Markus, and your example was quite a good one. :)
You have a unique ability to write what I like to dub as "the human condition", and you use details to help others relate to your character's' thoughts, feelings, and surroundings.
Nicely done! :)
Mod
I removed prompts, as I was intending to clean up the space a bit and prevent others from using past prompts, as the prompts will change every so often, and I'd like this to be a bit more like a daily writing challenge. :)
For now, however, I'd like if all who would like to take part in this chat/daily challenge/thing to use Markus's prompt, as I quite agree. It is important to be able to personify your characters and describe their thoughts, feelings, and surroundings in a human and relatable way, and contradiction is something that humans love to do and do often... XD
More prompts will be posted in the future, so keep an eye out for them, and try to use the current prompt when posting.
All the best in your writing adventures,
P!ATWD
Mod
Tamra wrote: "What all uh stuff can you post on here, cause I have a poem, but im not sure if it would be a good thing to put on here, so im just asking before i do anything."I'm not in charge of anything around here, so don't take my word as the truth, but I think pretty much any activity would be good! :p I, for one, would encourage it :)
Mod
VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED
PAIN
It just seems right
Fists clinch so tight
Just enough force
I need just one more
Please just one
then it will be done
I know its not the best
but ill put it through the test
anything can work
just make it so it hurts
I can take the pain
Though it might leave a stain
I know for people its hard to see
but for me, its easy as can be
what do you think of it so far?
Tamra wrote: "WARNING: THIS POEM MAY BE DISTURBINGVIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED
PAIN
It just seems right
Fists clinch so tight
Just enough force
I need just one more
Please just one
then it will be done
I kno..."
Seems like a good start :) It certainly conveys an emotion!
I especially liked this line: "Please just one"
Now, some constructive criticism:
You've forgotten apostrophes in words like it's and I'll.
I don't know if you deviated from the rhyme scheme in the third stanza on purpose, but I found that a bit strange.
Some even more concrete visual images could work well, I think.
Hope this helps :)
Mod
Mod
It looks good Tamra! However, you're missing apostrophes, like Markus said, and a bit more imagery wouldn't hurt either. ^-^
For example, what is causing the pain?
I can infer that it happens to be cutting, but there are quite the list of ways to self harm... ^-^
Hope this helps, and you're all doing great! Seriously, this makes me so happy, to see all of this amazing writing. :)
Mod
Prompt for this week is:
Dream-catcher: Write something inspired by a recent dream you had.
A simple word.
A single word.
One that has the power to change your whole world.
A kind way for you to know,
that someone acknowledges you,
head to toe.
You are important,
more than you know,
so,
Hello.