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How Do You Balance It All?
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Yes, I remember those days. I found it impossible, and promised myself I would write full time once I had retired from teaching. It helps to stay in touch if you're a teacher of English and can run Writers' Workshops (which I did). When I was a head of English in the 1970s I had my first go at writing some stories for children and Penguin published them. Things were simpler in those days.I started writing full-time at the age of 68 (I'm now 72). It's deeply satisfying, and I think what I'm writing now (after all that experience helping others write) is so much better than those first efforts 40 years ago...
I realise that isn't much help: but it's the truth, and it's hope on a maybe still distant horizon. Good, conscientious teaching of a subject like English (creating a ton of marking)takes every waking hour in termtime.
I put myself on a tight routine. I make sure I get my 2000 words in at least 6 days a week, 7 if I can get up early enough before my overtime at work. No matter what's going on or how I feel, it's rare that I don't have an hour and a half or two hour window before work where I'm not at the keyboard. The only exception -- aside from an emergency or bad illness -- comes when I feel as though I need a few days away from a story. Then I'll take, like, a week to get my thoughts in order and consider where the story is going.
I'm coming from a very different place, but I'll add my own experiences. When I worked full-time in an office, I would sneak in work, both writing and artwork, during breaks and my lunch hour. So in total, it would be maybe a couple of hours a day. Then on weekends, I'd go at it all day long.Now that I work at home, I'm allowed a lot freedom, which is great. I can sit down and write anytime. In fact, I just stopped to take a break from writing a new story which I started last night. I just finished chapter 5.
Now before you think I have superpowers, which I really don't, I'll explain that because of my office working experienced, I basically learned to switch on and off my brain at will. It takes a lot of self-discipline, and there are many diadvantages, such as, forgetting to eat because I decided to switch on my brain last night. Which reminds me, I'm overdue for breakfast...
One quick addition, having your free time taken up by work, family, etc, isn't such a bad thing. For me, it drove me harder to learn self-discipline and now I write a lot faster.
My experience is kind of different, since I only just graduated college last year and am still sort of transitioning into balancing a 40 hour work week with my love for writing while not ignoring my social life (family, friends, boyfriend). I completely agree with Lily - it's all about self-discipline (and occasionally forgetting things crucial to your health, in my case sleep). I also work from home, and that does help, since I can take breaks from work to get in some writing time. When I do that, though, since I'm still learning, I find myself playing catch up with work.
Practice makes perfect, though, and I think that's what it's all about - discipline and practice. It just takes time.
Thanks for sharing your experiences, guys!
Balance? You mean that thing we do on the tight rope over the waterfall juggling the sharp-edge objects that are our responsibilities? That is until the wind picks ups, we go flying and end up the drink? Which is blissfully serene until the voices in our heads drag us to the surface and insist we keep writing their flipping stories?
That balance?
I prefer my life to be unbalanced. I also don't have a goal of X words a day. The actual writing is just not all that interesting to me. The main part is that I get to daydream a lot and call it 'working'.
Balance? Schedules? wtf are those??I have insomnia, so most times I work (until I pass out). If someone (rarely) calls me for a project, I work on it and pray to the electronic gods the gremelins don't wreck my puter/phone/both.
I don't have a daily word count. I work on the book until I can't stand to look at it (I have 3 on rotation). The books have due dates, so I try to get them done on time. Usually it's the fault of gremlins, but I also don't have a/c here, and it's hot and humid most days, so I do the best I can with little resources I have...
After that, I do some programming/debugging then it's round 2. get more cigs, get more coffee, and back to work.
During the academic year I write after work at night until I go to bed, and I write for most of the day on Saturday. I run four to five miles four days a week during which I do an amazing amount of creative thinking. I'm a balance freak. Maybe a side effect of being a yoga teacher. Healthy lifestyle, balance work and play, aim for 7 to 8 hours sleep (sometimes of that goal short during the academic year), daily exercise and meditation, daily writing. Sounds boring an un-writer-like, doesn't it? I have more of a social life during the summer of course, and I also get more writing done. I don't have a word count goal, just a commitment to write every day, or revise every day, depending on the project at hand.
Thankfully my kids are as much of computer nerds as I am, so I don't have to argue about the peace and quiet or constant interruptions. They're also both teens and pretty much self sufficient. The worst part is keeping the house, but again, my kids are older so it's mostly keeping the dishes done, which they help with. The day job is the worst part, and my commute really cuts into my time. Sometimes if I can, I'll do some writing during my lunch hour, but I really need to put my ipad to use and sit and the park to do that because as long as I'm at my desk, people just don't understand that you're on your lunch hour. But I managed to release four books in the past two(?) years, and that'll do.
I hadn't realised just how many teachers are also authors, so it's quite calming reading about your various balancing experiences.I'm a massive panicker and I have to have everything planned way in advance, so I find balance a really hard thing to truly accomplish. Around lesson prep, planning, teaching and then all the outside stuff (who knew parents' evening would last so long!) I find it really hard to squeeze in time to write so I often end up doing what I'm doing now and stay up ridiculously late churning out whatever I can so that I can spend a few hours in the evening with my partner, otherwise I'd never see her! I alternate my days between evenings of marketing my current book/getting involved in all my social media, catching up with emails and whatnot and flat out writing with no distraction whatsoever.
I feel like I haven't slept properly in months but who needs sleep, right! ...right?...
My husband is a TV hog and insists on watching only shows that interest him, so I don't have a problem. I throw my ear buds in, listen to some music and zone. There're times I don't need even that. I'm pretty good at blocking things out. It drives my family nuts.Usually, though, if I'm not feeling creative, that's when I use the time to do my housecleaning and stuff. My kids are teens and they're fairly independent. Other than the dishes they don't make too much of a mess. It's my day job that I need to balance.
Managing time is difficult. Full time work, family and hobbies.At work I get two breaks and a lunch that total 55 minutes of time I can spend working on something. It's not ideal because it's interrupted time, but it's still time.
Then at home I get about 5 hours to spend with my family before retiring to bed. 5 hours is carved up really quickly when there's dinner to be had, chores to be done, a wife and kid to spend time with. Sacrifices have been made to accomplish what I have so far, but it's difficult. Either I watch shows with my wife and child and write distracted or put ear buds in and tune it out.
And then there's the video games, reading, and TV shows. Needless to say, my writing comes in bursts. Especially now that I'm managing social media too. Thankfully I have a forgiving wife.
Managing social media, now that's a distraction. lol. I can't help just surfing the posts. It's addicting.
I blow at time management now that I'm retired. I used to be organized and all the housework and chores were done, but not so much now. When I'm on a writing roll, I write. When I'm not, I do the chores. I'm blessed to married to a very patient and kind man. I really should teach him to cook...
Balance?Wait.
I thought writers were supposed to be UN-balanced?
Chloe wrote: I feel like I haven't slept properly in months but who needs sleep, right! ...right?... Putting on my professor hat for a moment:
Maybe you already know this, so don't be offended if I tell you information you don't need. Maybe some exhausted writer out there does need it.
Sleep deprivation leads to high blood pressure, increased risk of Alzheimer's, abnormal levels of the hormones that regulate appetite, failure to normalize blood sugar, slowed reaction time, impaired short term memory, mood swings, and dangerous microsleeps that can last two to four seconds even with your eyes wide open at the wheel of a car. Like intoxicated people, sleep deprived people think they are not impaired, and cannot perceive how poorly they are functioning. People are not capable, physically or psychologically, of adapting to sleep deprivation. They think they can, but it's a convenient self-deception. I'll be spending a lot of class time explaining this in detail to my students soon. They like to believe sleep isn't needed, like it's a waste of time or even a weakness to need it, but once they experiment and try getting eight hours, they are amazed at how productive they become. A well rested person accomplishes more in less time.
Lecture over. Sweet dreams.
Great advice, Amber. I think we all need to be reminded of those basic facts. It's so easy to become overwhelmed by all we want - or feel we have - to do. A psychiatrist told me in 1982 I had to work less hours, and that as a result I wouldn't get as much done. He said "The trick is not minding". I've been trying to learn it ever since.
It helps to set realistic expectations about what you hope to achieve... Lay out proper timelines for e-books, getting hard copies out, blurbs...Trying to do it all at once leads to failure and a poorly written/edited book.Also, I find that communicating with my family about the exclusive time I set aside for writing helps. Everyone works around each other's schedule.
What doesn't work is throwing myself into my writing because I feel guilty about not achieving some word quota I set myself, and screwing up my family's weekend schedule in the process... Been there, done that. Not fun.
I've thought about asking this group the "How do you balance it?" question, so I'm glad Tabitha brought it up. I don't have any advice, because I struggle to find balance myself. My "day job" has to come before my writing because the regular paycheck, healthcare, and stability it provides are essential. I try to put my mental health at the top, too, which means I relax instead of working myself to death. But there is still guilt and dissatisfaction when I don't use every available minute of free time to write.I think Robin is right about us having to learn to be okay with not being able to complete everything, or at least being slower to finish things. I also want to echo Amber's sentiment about the importance of sleep. Perhaps we should be comfortable with a lack of balance, and accept that we'll get done what we can when we can. I see "balance" as being able to juggle everything at once, but maybe it's healthier to accept that some things (e.g., writing) must be put aside for a while.
On the other hand, how do we know when that's just laziness speaking? Am I just making excuses for the times when I could work myself harder, but I don't? :)
Chloe wrote: "I hadn't realised just how many teachers are also authors, so it's quite calming reading about your various balancing experiences.I'm a massive panicker and I have to have everything planned way..."
Girl after my own heart! I'm right there with you!
Thanks to everyone who's responded to this so far. It's encouraging to hear that I'm not alone in this frustration and to hear how you're managing the many hats that we writers must wear :0)
Amber wrote: " Like intoxicated people, sleep deprived people think they are not impaired, and cannot perceive how poorly they are functioning. People are not capable, physically or psychologically, of adapting to sleep deprivation. They think they can, but it's a convenient self-deception."This is the sort of thing that freaks me out. It probably means every time I'm in front of my class on not enough sleep and thinking that I'm pulling it together, I'm really not. Oh well. I don't think it's too hard to impress freshmen.
Freshmen are too sleep deprived to notice anything. They function at low wattage on four and five hours sleep and wonder why they aren't getting anything done, why everything is so hard...
I try to write a little each day even if it's just a few paragraphs. I mainly write at the weekends but do find it a struggle at times to fit it in with work and other commitments.
Tabitha wrote: Girl after my own heart. I'm right there with you"What can I say, I'm a heartbreaker ;)
Tabitha, I'm assuming like much of the rest of the US, you've started back at school now - how are you finding the balancing act?
We don't start back till September 4th and I'm finding panic mode setting in!
Chloe wrote: "Tabitha wrote: Girl after my own heart. I'm right there with you"What can I say, I'm a heartbreaker ;)
Tabitha, I'm assuming like much of the rest of the US, you've started back at school now - ..."
Interesting. I try and steal a couple of minutes during my planning to peek at my Goodreads groups (so happy it's not blocked). I'm trying to keep up with my social media sites on the weekend and at least post "something". I'm sure that once the year really starts rolling, my online time will be restricted to weekends and vacation days (I work an hour from home so the weekdays are air-tight.)
I'm jealous of your late start date! Hope your school year goes well :0)
Mod
Being a college student, it is sometimes hard to balance out my life. There are many things I want to do on my free time, my head asks so many questions to what I need to do to get that day done, and there is so much free time I want for myself, other than using it to study. Using a 'To Do List' for each day, (including how much I would like to read in a book) this does help give me the balance I need in my day-to-day life. It has worked well some days, but whenever multiple exams approach, that's when the going gets tough. 'Beggars Can't Be Choosers'
I've returned to this thread because
BALANCE: I have none of it!
Can we turn "how do you achieve balance" into "support for complete and utter imbalance"?Today was the first time in over a month that I wrote words of fiction. (I've written plenty of words of non-fiction in the meantime. My other career is actually going very well, thank goodness, because I clearly cannot live off of self-publishing.) I wrote ~3,800 words today, which is an above average daily rate for me (apparently I'm just bursting with words after a month of writing abstinence). I feel like I could write more if the muscles in my forearm weren't cramping from hours of typing.
For all that today feels like a success, the fact that I've had one good writing day in over four weeks is utterly depressing.
How are the rest of you faring? I want to hear your successes and failures, and encourage you not to give up! (I felt like giving up today, until those ~3,800 words burst forth. Thank goodness. I might have cried otherwise.)
Um... I'm creating a graphic novel, partly as an experiement. I converted my website to be more mobile device friendly. Redeisgned my online art gallery. Got word from an independent publisher, they wanted to see the full MS. I'm picking away away at more thriller novels.And... there's never enough hours in the day.
You've been productive, Lily! Fingers crossed for you for the manuscript that's with the independent publisher now.
Thanks, Maron :)Though I think I'm headed for a burrn-out...
@Maron,So far, my school year has been the best that I've ever had (that's five years and counting). I have the most wonderful group of AP and CP students; that's the good news. The bad news being that I am turning up the rigor for them and giving myself more to grade, assess, etc. But it's my true career and I enjoy it.
My goal has been to stay afloat with social media and to write on holidays and snow days, which is what I plan to do if we have another horrendous winter in the northeast.
Also, I'm reading a lot. So I'm looking at it as time spent enriching myself and exposing myself to good writing, in hopes that when I have the time to lock myself away in my little room with my characters, my writing will be more eloquent and meaningful.
Tabitha wrote: "So, I don't know if this topic has been discussed previously, but as the summer wanes, I'm feeling that deep, chemical depression that comes with knowing that a new school year is on the horizon an..."When I wrote my first couple of novels, I worked at Target doing the truck shift, which was 4am pretty much until we were done with the truck. I hated the job. It was tough on me, but when I came home, I was a writing fiend. My dad would say, "Hey, come watch this movie and take a break. You're stressing yourself out." And I would deny him and say that writing was not in the least bit stressful and stopping would stress me out.
I would write at night until I passed out. My sisters have pictures of me with my fingers on the keyboard.
Now that I'm 25 and not 18, I find that I can't operate with that little bit of sleep, but I still try to find a way. I utilize every bit of time that I have. I don't sit in front of a TV without my laptop. It's been hard lately with my full-time job at Micro Center, because my schedule is not set, and I was running for political office, but I still forced time to write.
The only thing that's hard to do is all to social networking stuff. I've been not so great at that, and I'm trying to improve.
But I have to write. It consumes me and it's my passion. I was part of a weight loss competition for 90 days and I lost like 60 pounds, but I was still heart broken that I couldn't write like I wanted.
I sneak it in when I can. If you have Office 365, you can put office on a tablet or your cell phone, so if I'm on my lunch break or waiting for my sister to get out of the grocery store, I'm writing.
Tabitha, I'm glad to hear that this school year has been great so far! A satisfying career could also put you in a good place mentally when you do have time to write. (For me, this was the first weekend I wasn't stressing about other work, and that made it easier to write. I can't write when I have other obligations haunting me, because I feel guilty about how I'm using my time.)
Christina, I know what you mean about age making it harder to push yourself (which is unhealthy anyway. I'm a big believer in sleep. Burnout helps no one). Social media is definitely hard to keep up with, but when your time for a writing career is already super limited, prioritization is the only way to survive. I'm trying not to feel guilty about the things I cut due to prioritization.
When I started to write I went into a panic every time I couldn't do my daily word goal or felt that I was neglecting one thing or another due to having too much on my plate. Now that I'm older and wiser I've worked out a little system that works for me and my family. During the week I make sure to spend plenty of time with the kids, writing only after they've gone to bed. Weekend is writing time. I try to spend three out of four weekends writing and the fourth for other stuff (exploring, visiting friends etc.) I usually have a few pieces of writing trotting along at any one time and move between them as I see fit.
@Maron,You said, "I can't write when I have other obligations haunting me, because I feel guilty about how I'm using my time."
That could be the theme song of my life :0)
I tip my hat to the teachers out there. A lot of people have busy schedules, but when teachers get home second shift starts (grading, grading, grading and prepping for the next day's performance - because you're definitely on stage in class). At least when I go home, I can simply keep an eye on the iPhone and put out fires as needed.Balance is a really difficult question. I'm more of the mind now that it's not balance, but resolve that's the key question. I don't know anyone who truly feels balanced. Some days we'll fail. Too many days. The question is, when we do, do we throw our hands up and let two weeks go by? Or do we resolve to get back to it tomorrow?
A constant state of self-analysis is needed. Often there is time in the schedule. Not always, though. I don't buy into the fact that everyone can simply will the time. I grew up in a single parent family with a mother who loved writing. She worked as close to round the clock as anyone I've known. I don't think she could have done it despite being very skilled, hard-working and efficient. Many people do have time though. For instance, I am busy, but the reality is I can make time in a way that doesn't rob others who I have responsibility for (my wife and kids, my employer, etc). It's wearing, and I wish I could devote my best hours to it, but I'm trying to earn the right to do so now. I'm ok.
For those of us who can make time, it's about being real with our self-analysis. If we're spending time watching TV (or watching it on the internet - same thing) and actually believing we don't have time, then we're not being honest enough with ourselves. We're just spending our time elsewhere.
For those of us who overcommit to all the wonderful causes out there, and are frustrated that we don't have time, we may have greater priorities. That's not a bad thing, but we do have time.
If we're spending all of your time online (even doing wonderful stuff like interacting here, or FB,or blogging, etc.) and complaining about not being able to have time to write, then we're not being honest with ourselves. That's my problem. I love being here. This is really helpful for me, learning from others. And I don't think I should stop. BUT, to the extent I do it, I need to do it AFTER I have no more mental firepower for writing. And even then, maybe only a couple days a week. My output increased dramatically after I made a decision to commit to writing with as much good time as I had (breaking the rule now - you see how good I am!)
Anyway, resolving to keep at it, resolving to make time, resolving to get to it every day, resolving to make my word goals (I try for 1000 a day, 7 days a week, knowing that I'll be satisfied with reasonalbe alternates - 7000 words a week, or 4 or 5 good writing sessions, or 1000 words in a week but sitting down every day, etc.) and when I fail I resolve to try again tomorrow.
So far, this mindset has allowed me to have the most productive period of writing. I'm not as frustrated.
Michael, I think you totally nailed it about analyzing our reasons for saying we don't have time. I know for myself, there are times when I *could* write but I choose to use my time unproductively (e.g., mindless web browsing), but there are also times when I'm truly too depleted of energy to be productive. My priorities also shift from day to day. Some days I conclude that avoiding burnout is more important than using every moment productively... But other days, burnout isn't a real risk and I'm just being lazy and making excuses. :)
Maron,I liked what you had to say about feeling too depleted for writing. I often think (when I feel that I should be writing instead of reading, watching a show, etc) about that scene in Secret Window where Johnny Depp's character Norman is sitting in front of his computer screen, re-reading what he just wrote. He says to himself, "This is just bad writing" and deletes it all.
I've always felt very strongly that writing should be quality not quantity, and for me to produce quality, I have to be in the mindset to write and I have to have my writer's atmosphere (no one else home; hours of open time, mental energy).
I think what I've taken away most from this thread is that everyone has a method that works for them. It's not necessarily going to work for me or for another writer. Each of us has to be ok with the amount of time we devote to our craft :0)
Sure there's alwys time. But then I would have to stop eating... or sleeping...
I'm sure all the working stiffs out there who also try to balance their love of writing with the job that pays the bills-not to mention family, spouses, friends, housekeeping, etc.- can appreciate this frustration. I'm curious to know how other indies balance out their time to include their love or writing while not allowing the others roles in their lives to suffer.