Rimmer, Kelly--Before I Let You Go informal buddy read starts July 22, 2018

[Moderators of NBRC, Challenger-in-Chief]

This thread is open to discuss Before I Let You Go by Kelly Rimmer.



Synopsis
The 2:00 a.m. call is the first time Lexie Vidler has heard her sister’s voice in years. Annie is a drug addict, a thief, a liar—and in trouble, again. Lexie has always bailed Annie out, given her money, a place to sleep, sent her to every kind of rehab. But this time, she’s not just strung out—she’s pregnant and in premature labor. If she goes to the hospital, she’ll lose custody of her baby—maybe even go to prison. But the alternative is unthinkable.

As weeks unfold, Lexie finds herself caring for her fragile newborn niece while her carefully ordered life is collapsing around her. She’s in danger of losing her job, and her fiancé only has so much patience for Annie’s drama. In court-ordered rehab, Annie attempts to halt her downward spiral by confronting long-buried secrets from the sisters’ childhood, ghosts that Lexie doesn’t want to face. But will the journey heal Annie, or lead her down a darker path?

Both candid and compassionate, Before I Let You Go explores a hotly divisive topic and asks how far the ties of family love can be stretched before they finally break.

[Moderators of NBRC, Challenger-in-Chief]

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[Moderators of NBRC, Challenger-in-Chief]

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[Geri]

Checking in!

[Laura]

Checking in too!

[Brooke]

I'm in!

[Geri]

This buddy read starts tomorrow. Should we postpone the start of this buddy read a week?

[Brooke]

I have it on audio, so I can start it in a couple of days when the audiobook I have in progress is finished. But I have no issues with delaying a week if that works best for everyone.

[Claudia]

I'm in the middle of two other books as well so i'm okay with delaying.

[Laura]

Yes, sure it seems to work better for everyone.

[Snowtulip]

I'm going to join in :)

[Geri]

OK, I’ll start this next week. Welcome Snowtulip and Claudia!

[♛primadonna♛]

I'd also like to join.! :)

[Laura]

Absolutely, the more the merrier!

[Geri]

Well, found out today no more buddy reads will count for tower team after the end of the month. So I will probably get a head start on this book either Thursday or Friday. To make sure I can finish in time!

[Brooke]

Geri wrote: "Well, found out today no more buddy reads will count for tower team after the end of the month. So I will probably get a head start on this book either Thursday or Friday. To make sure I can finish..."

I thought about that as well. I should be able to start it Thurs/Fri after I finish my current audiobook.

[Laura]

I 'm not sure I can finish it before the end of the month but I will try.

[Geri]

This is an emotional roller coaster! But opioid addiction is a timely subject matter right now.

Chapter 1-10 (view spoiler)[ It breaks my heart that Annie’s baby will have to go through withdrawal. Annie was naive thinking she could use drugs and then just go cold turkey. She is worried about losing her baby. Sometimes I do think that is the better solution. Being raised by an addict can be a terrible life for a child.

I am finding the characters a bit one dimensional. This isn’t my usual type of book. But I am curious about Robert and his very restrictive religious sect. (hide spoiler)]

[Laura]

Chapters 1-10
(view spoiler)[
This sure is an emotional roller coaster. The poor baby. I'm interested in seeing how Lexi and Sam care for Annie's baby with demanding jobs and learning more about the religious sect.

Who is Luke? - a therapist?

Are you enjoying the alternating points of view? (hide spoiler)]

[Geri]

This is a difficult book to read. Chapter 11-20. (view spoiler)[ Their time with the religious sect was terrible! I knew Robert would sexually abuse Annie eventually. It’s heartbreaking how he broke her spirit. Annie leaving her home finally at age 14 before she got pregnant was smart and brave. I do find it hard to believe her mother did not know about the abuse. It happening almost every night. So glad both girls got out. But obviously not without scars.

I actually agree with Lexi that a baby should have a proper name. Only celebrities can get away with naming their children Moonbeam and Apple! (hide spoiler)]

[Geri]

Laura wrote: "Chapters 1-10

.."

I am also wondering who the heck is Luke. The different POVs, in the present and past, are helping to give me background and flesh the story out a bit. I usually don’t enjoy heartbreaking stories like this, but I’ll stick it out to finish the buddy read.

[Brooke]

I like the different POV and the timelines. It is a good way to explain the circumstances and history while also giving us further insight into the characters.

Chapters 1-10
(view spoiler)[ Wow - what a tense and emotional story so far. Do we know how old the characters are in the present tense storyline? The history storyline started when the girls were in grade school, but I have no idea how much time has passed. I could have missed it but since I've got this on audio I can't go back and see.

Geri, I agree that they are both a little one-dimensional right now. I think we'll learn more now that they've moved into Creepy Robert's house in Annie's storyline. Sects like this really make me cringe, and I have a feeling whatever led Annie to the path of drug use is a direct result from something that happened in that environment. (hide spoiler)]

I completely forgot what this book was about before starting it. It isn't my normal genre, but I think this one has promise.

[Snowtulip]

Started this on my commute today!

Ch 1-10
(view spoiler)[so far troubling world for this baby that will come into this world, it kills me that this baby will have a dependency! I'm not quiet emotionally connected to either of the sisters yet .

I agree that this sect is going to show some reason for Annie's addiction, I'm nervous about it.

So far I like seeing present and past from two different perspectives. (hide spoiler)]

[Claudia]

Geri wrote: "This is an emotional roller coaster! But opioid addiction is a timely subject matter right now.

Chapter 1-10 ..."

I agree with you that this is book I would not normally read and it's pretty heavy. I work in the mental health and addiction field and I normally outside of work don't read or watch things regarding it.

(view spoiler)[I agree that Annie was naive in believing would be able to quit before the child was born and the bayb would not have to go through withdrawal. She should have quit as soon as she realized she was pregnant. I know that the way Annie is being treated by CPS, the hospital staff and the Juge seems really unfair but its pretty realistic. Having worked in this field you reach a kind of burn out and you lose all sympathy for the struggle and mental health issues the person is going through and instead focus on advocating and protecting the innocent which in this case is the baby. And yeah there is a lot of judgment but like Lexi said in the book while the professional thing is to reserve judgement the best most in the industry can offer is judging silently. (hide spoiler)]

[Snowtulip]

Geri wrote: "This is a difficult book to read. Chapter 11-20. Their time with the religious sect was terrible! I knew Robert would sexually abuse Annie eventually. It’s heartbreaking how he broke her spirit. A..."

So sad(view spoiler)[to see that Annie was sexually abused, I also thought that was going to happen, but still made my heart hurt for her.

Also broke my heart a little when we learned about Annie's violent outbursts and the impact it had on how she felt she was letting Lexi down. (hide spoiler)]

[Snowtulip]

Claudia wrote: "Geri wrote: "This is an emotional roller coaster! But opioid addiction is a timely subject matter right now.

Chapter 1-10 ..."

I agree with you that this is book I would not normally read and it..."

Sounds like you are going to have to read a light, fluffy book after this one ;)

[Brooke]

Chapters 11-28

(view spoiler)[ This is getting more intense and emotional by the chapter. What happened to Annie is awful. I find it interesting that Lexie has blocked out a lot of her memories from living with the sect. I guess that fits with her being a control freak.

I'm glad we got more of a timeline. It seems that Annie's chapters started roughly 20 yaers in the past, and they are 4 years apart. And I figured Luke was her rehab counselor or doctor, and hoping that he wasn't her dealer or something worse.

I am having a hard time listening to the sections when describing the baby's condition. My brother's wife gave birth to my niece 9 months ago, and she had a lot of the same issues/symptoms as baby Daisy. I know that my SIL drank during her pregnancy, but I now think she had more than we all knew about. It is infuriating. (hide spoiler)]

[Laura]

Brooke wrote: "I like the different POV and the timelines. It is a good way to explain the circumstances and history while also giving us further insight into the characters.

Chapters 1-10
Wow - what a tense an..."

(view spoiler)[
I don't think it says how old the characters are in present. I'm guessing early 30's. (hide spoiler)]

[Laura]

Chapters 11 - chapter 16
(view spoiler)[
I'm surprised the baby was born with few complications. I suspect that will change.

The past timeline is heartbreaking to read about. Little Annie is suffering pain, loneliness, abuse and there is no one to help her. I'm disgusted that her mom did nothing to stop the beatings and humiliation. I can understand why Lexi left when she did to escape that life but I suspect Annie thinks she abandoned her. (hide spoiler)]

[Snowtulip]

Laura wrote: "Chapters 11 - chapter 16

."

I know, (view spoiler)[I can never understand the mom in these types of stories, to put your children in those types of situations (sheltered community, physical abuse, and now sexual abuse). I admit I've never been so incapacitated with grief like their mom, but I don't think I'd go that route (hide spoiler)]

[Brooke]

Chapters 29-33

(view spoiler)[ I'm starting to dislike Lexie. I get it - she is a control freak. But her reactions and exclusion of her fiancé in decisions are driving me crazy. (hide spoiler)]

[Brooke]

Laura wrote: "Chapters 11 - chapter 16."

(view spoiler)[ I don't get it either. The mothers know what is happening and ignore it, or they are way too out of touch to notice the behavior changes. I'm not sure which is worse. (hide spoiler)]

[Snowtulip]

Brooke wrote: "Chapters 29-33

[spoilers removed]"

I agree Brooke, (view spoiler)[every time Sam tries to help in some way Lexi shuts him down. She needs to see a therapist as well, but I don't know if those walls she's built will allow her to even do that :( I'm not very sympathetic to her at the moment, although I know I should be. (hide spoiler)]

[Claudia]

Laura wrote: "Chapters 11 - chapter 16

[spoilers removed]."

I agree, (view spoiler)[I get that the mom was grieving but she took her children and brought them into an abusive situation. She tore them away from everything they knew and then basically stopped protecting them. I was absolutely disgusted by their mom. Even now that they are adults she still won't come out to see Annie and the baby because of Robert. (hide spoiler)]

[Claudia]

Through CH 31

(view spoiler)[ SO as I read this and the problems are appearing in Lexie and Sam's relationship I realize all the blame for the way their relationship is declining is on Lexie. I guess based on the summary I expected the problem to be on Sam not wanting to deal with Annie's problems and baby. However, as it goes Sam has actually been great and all he wants is to be an equal partner and shoulder to lean on for Lexie but Lexie keeps cutting him out and pushing him away. I hope they work it out but it seems like Lexie herself needs to deal with her issues with relying on others. (hide spoiler)]

[Claudia]

Through Chapter 39

(view spoiler)[I just had to do a quick check-in. I can not believe Annie died. I really did get optimistic that she would make it through rehab then she walked out. I figured she would go to jail but nope she OD'ed and god wasn't that a shock. I was really hoping she would beat this. (hide spoiler)]

[Brooke]

Claudia: I agree 100%. (view spoiler)[ I also assumed at the beginning of the story that Sam would be the one causing the conflict about the baby. Lexie definitely needs therapy herself, but I don't think her ego will let her do it. (hide spoiler)]

[Snowtulip]

Finished

(view spoiler)[This is always a difficult subject matter, and always appreciate when an author tries to bring this to light. In the end for me though, I didn't really connect to the characters and I didn't see any forward movement in anyone dealing with these issues. Lexi really needs to get help from a therapist.

The end just sort of wrapped up very positively (her mom leaving the sect, Robert being charged, and Sam and Lexi getting married) and quickly, which seemed a little disjointed from the rest of the book. (hide spoiler)]

[Claudia]

Snowtulip wrote: "Finished

[spoilers removed]"

I completely agree. (view spoiler)[It really didn't feel resolved to me because Lexie herself never admitted she had issues as well or sought help for herself. It seems like Lexie's issues just got glossed over. I also found it hard to believe the mom's sudden 180. I mean yeah maybe she hadn't known about the abuse but I find it hard to believe she broke away from Robert so easily and once more leaving the sect. (hide spoiler)]

[Geri]

Brooke wrote: "Chapters 11-28

.."

Regarding Luke (view spoiler)[ Yes, Luke is Annie’s therapist. But I don’t think he’s a good one! He tells Lexi that she is part of Annie’s problem. And now Lexi feels terrible about her enabling. That didn’t help the situation, in my opinion! Even if this is true, Luke should have handled it better! (hide spoiler)]

[Geri]

Laura wrote: "Chapters 11 - chapter 16

.."

Lexi leaving (view spoiler)[ Yeah, that had to be hard for Lexi leaving and knowing she had to leave her sister in that terrible situation! But I know Lexi couldn’t have done anything else. But Annie may have some resentment, I think. I can never understand how a mom doesn’t protect her child. But unfortunately it does happen. (hide spoiler)]

[Geri]

Snowtulip wrote: "Finished

."

I finished too. I agree. (view spoiler)[ The ending was too neatly wrapped up. The characters continued to feel one dimensional to me. And I agree, Lexi’s issues were never addressed. But I did feel Annie did grow some and realized she couldn’t be a good mother. And took responsibility in the end. That was the one thing I did like about the ending of the book. Not sure that was enough to redeem this book for me. (hide spoiler)]

[Brooke]

Regarding the behavior of Lexie and Annie's mother: The autobiography Educated: A Memoir is an extreme example but demonstrates (view spoiler)[ how a mother willfully ignores the pleas of her daughter and sides with her husband because she is not allowed to disagree with him. (hide spoiler)] If you enjoy autobiographies, I highly recommend this one. It is one of my top 5 reads for the year.

[Brooke]

Finished last night.

Geri and Snowtulip: (view spoiler)[ I also agree 100%. The ending was a little too neat for such a messy topic. It was frustrating that Lexie didn't address or even really acknowledge any of her own issues. She needs therapy, at the very least to help her cope with Annie's death and her feeling of responsibility, not to mention all of her other issues.

I think Annie is the only character that had any depth in this story. I would have liked Sam to have a bit more grit and Lexie to be more than a control freak who worries about every little thing. (hide spoiler)]

[Claudia]

Geri wrote: "Brooke wrote: "Chapters 11-28

.."

Regarding Luke [spoilers removed]"

I don't really agree with that. (view spoiler)[In the defense of Luke his priority was to help Annie. And despite the fact that it hurt Lexie and her feeling she was part of Annie's problem. Annie never really hit rock bottom because Lexie enabled her and she knew Lexie would try and bail her out. It's harsh but sometimes the best thing to do is stop trying to help and let them fall. This is something Lexie herself also as a professional in the medical industry should know but the whole point is she is too close to be able to be impartial. sometimes when your that deep in denial the only way to get someone to realize and acknowledge it is to be blunt. Even with Annie in treatment, Lexie was still trying to insert herself into the treatment and control it. This would not help Annie but only Lexie to feel better. Luke professionally was obligated to do the best for Annie, not Lexie. Working in the field when treating other adults because of privacy laws often we have to tell family and relatives to back off because they make things worse even if they are just trying to help or just get peace of mind for themselves. and it was also proven true later on when Annie tried to manipulate Lexie against her treatment team for her own benefit. (hide spoiler)]

[Laura]

I finally finished
(view spoiler)[
I agree with Claudia about Luke. I think he was doing the best he could to help Annie and that Lexie continued to enable her. Annie was a master manipulator as seen frequently.

I was rooting for Annie so her death also came as a bit of shock to me and I was mildly disappointed though thinking about it.. I think Annie thought she had no options and intentionally over dosed.

Addiction is a tough subject to read about when you have little experience with the topic. I gave this one a 3 star as Lexie drove me crazy at times for all the reasons you all stated above.

Life can throw crazy curve balls. Would you care for your niece or nephew if the situation required? (hide spoiler)]

[Brooke]

Laura: I absolutely would! It wouldn't be easy, but when my sister got pregnant years ago we talked about that and even made it official legally.