Need reviews for my short story

[Umagowri]

Hi

I need reviews for my short story "Mother" on amazon.in. It is now available for free in amazon. If you would like in any other format then please message me.

https://www.amazon.in/dp/B079ZB3CXN
Genre : Mystery/thriller

Description:
when Neeraja turns eighteen, she comes to know that her mother is alive and is in fact serving a prison sentence for murdering her father and his lover along with their month old baby. But later when she gets clue that her mother is innocent, she sets out to find out what really happened and who framed her mother.

[Xia and the Giant TBR]

Honey, I recommend you take the story down and put it through a bit of editing, then upload it back again. At the moment you have typos, grammar mistakes, there are sentences that are missing punctuation marks, you are using too many adverbs, commas are not used correctly...

e.g.
1."DID'NT KILL HER!" - on the first page
2. If you start with past tense you need to finish the sentence with the same tense "It was Ram, and this must be the tenth time he is calling" - it should end in "he was calling".
3. "Fine. Where are you now" - here you are missing the question mark
4. "Fine." his voice came out feebly - it should be "Fine," his voice came out feebly.

And all these are on the first couple of pages. I didn't even get to the end. If I were to review your story right away it wouldn't even get a star, and not because the story idea was bad (the idea is good), but because of the writing.

You are telling me a lot of details about the MC instead of showing me. I understand it's a short story, but still "Show, don't tell." If you need more than 11 pages to do that, write more pages.

I strongly advise you to get this story edited. Bad reviews have the power to harm not only the future sales for "Mother" but also the sales for all the other stories/books you will ever write.

Please don't take this as critique, but as an advice.

[Umagowri]

thanks a lot. I will certainly consider your advice