Year-long NaNo discussion
Narylfiel
>
The Way We Rule The World
message 1:
by
Nicki
(new)
Jan 19, 2018 02:09PM
Yay! Super excited to learn what it's about :P
reply
|
flag
whoa, now that is a very interesting concept, especially in our current society!! I can't wait to see how this plays out, Narylfiel!
Awesome excerpt, Naryfiel! Super excited to see where this story goes!! :D
Oh wow. This is wonderful. I'm really intrigued on how this story will play out, Narylfiel!!
I can understand that, being a fellow perfectionist myself. Does most of the story happen when Ember is older?
Poor baby!! That's awful....I'll definitely check out the rest of the story, thanks for the link!
WOW.... I just finished reading the Wattpad. You've got a powerful story there Narylfiel!!
I love it! I take it that you are pro-life as well?
I'm glad! I'm also a pro-life Christian. No, I don't think you were that heavy-handed in the portrayal of the actual abortion. You still showed what abortion really is (a deliberate killing of the fetus).
Abortions can get much more graphic than that. In fact, *gulps* most are. Yours are practically painless.
As for the emotions...
Ember's seemingly knee-jerk reactions to Master Elsa in "An Unpopular Truth" is a defense mechanism. Which is what I would expect from her.
You definitely showed that it really was an evil indoctrination process that Ember was going through, and evil indoctrination is never really all that pretty.
I would replace Ember's feeling of "pride" in Death of an Innocent, with guilty excitement. This would mirror the feeling that a woman would probably experience if she decided to go through with an abortion because it would be a feeling of getting rid of a "burden".
Ember's emotions after she completes the abortions are ones that abortion workers probably go through. I've heard of doctors that have performed multiple abortions before they fully realize the evil in which they are committing.
I personally expected Ember to run to the Wilderness after she performed the abortion on #35, not before her promotion ceremony, but I now realize why you did it that way.
There didn't seem to be that much debate at the end of "Moment of Truth". It was much more "telling" in that chapter than in previous ones.
Have Ember remember how helpless and tiny the fetuses were. SHOW the memory of #35 and all the other babies coming back hard when she's talking to Master Elsa. Show her realization that she loved him as a person, not as a number. Then have her remember the needle. And realize that she can't do that again. Have her emotions mirror the PTSD/Post-Abortion Syndrome symptoms that women experience. And then Master Elsa's offer of running will seem more like a lifeline.
You're welcome!! I didn't quite realize how long that post was until I submitted it...*oops*.
I'm glad you found it helpful!! GASP MEE TOO!!! One of my alphas is like that and it annoys me to no end (no offense to her of course, I don't mind positive comments but I need constructive criticism too because I know my little story is full of flaws but I don't know how to fix them....*sigh*)
I saw all the edits you did! Great job, I felt that it was much more fleshed out now.
Narylfiel wrote: "I have another four hundred words written and a brief excerpt. I'm also in great need of a name. This character is important to the plot and he needs a good name.Now for the excerpt:
The view nea..."
Excellent excerpt, Narylfiel! And what sort of name are you looking for? A guy name obviously, like Peter, or something that sounds more different like Sage?
Hmm... I'm thinking something along the lines of Carlos or if youw ant something more unique Carlean... what do you think of those? Or you could do Carlisle because your description of him reminds me of Carlisle Cullen.
Well... Ember looks great! How old is she?
Oh my gosh, President Laura is just as I imagined her to be!! Spot on perfect, I love it. Carlean...my gosh, I believe this guy could lead a rebellion just by looking at him. I love his aesthetic so much...
EMBER!!! She looks so innocent and beautiful and...ahhhhh! Nice job!
(I couldn't view Elsa's or Drews....*sad face* it said there was an image error....)
Oh now I can see President Laura and Carlean! Wow, I haven't even read the story and already I can tell what they're like. Great choices!(I can't view Elsa's or Drew's either)
Saw them both, and they look GREAT!!!! YES. YES I DO!!!
yahoo!!! Can't wait to officially meet him!!
Narylfiel wrote: "Four hundred words written and Drew is officially a part of the story! *throws confetti* I can't wait to write more about him!"Oooh, yay!
I saw that you added another chapter!! Just a quick note - you never added in the snippets and the partial chapter that you placed in here (about when Ember first woke up, Constitution City, etc) on the Wattpad version. I didn't notice it until I saw them again in here.
Can I say that I really like Drew so far?
And great job with Ember's POV. It's really easy to slip into a "okay, I'm in Constitution City so I'll believe everything that is being said" and not hold onto those preconceptions that she had against Christians and the Wilderness, when in reality, they would follow her until she sees different. And with Ember, it could be a little while. I was kinda surprised that she wasn't interested in the idea of dating. Why is that?
You also ended it on a nice suspenseful note!
You wrote them in this thread on the 21-22nd. You may have to go back to page 1 to see them. Okay, I got it now :).
I'll check out the cover soon!
Yeah, both of those excerpts never made it on Wattpad.
Narylfiel wrote: "I have a cover!!!!! I really, really like it!!!!! If you want to see it, than check out the wattpad version. I might be able to post it here, I don't know."Oh wow, super exciting!
Narylfiel wrote: "Nicki wrote: "Narylfiel wrote: "I have a cover!!!!! I really, really like it!!!!! If you want to see it, than check out the wattpad version. I might be able to post it here, I don't know."Oh wow,..."
I'd love to see it, and wow, that is awesome!
@Narylfiel - for some strange and obscure reason, that chapter isn't showing up at all....either in the book, the table of contents, nothing....I love the cover!!!
That is weird....I had a major glitch with it as I was publishing Shattered Chandelier and Rose of Culmore on there...it somehow managed to totally switch the stories, among other shenanigans. *rolls eyes*
Good idea - I have a backup of them on a Word Doc and a Google Doc (the latter so my alpha reader can follow along)
Narylfiel wrote: "Nine hundred words today within a span of thirty minutes? I was bored. :)"That's a great word count, especially for that time frame! Woohoo! (and here I am struggling to just get 1000 words into Winter Dark and Deadly...)
Narylfiel wrote: "Usually I struggle to get four hundred. Today was unusual. I hope you get inspiration for a Winter Dark and Deadly soon."
Well here's hoping that it will become the new usual ;)
And thanks! I did. Thousand words done *pats on back*
That is awesome!!! I dearly hope it is the new usual. I saw the next chapter - I'm kinda surprised that President Laura only used a flimsy threat instead faking an attack and blaming it on the Wilderness. The latter sounds more like something she would do.
An observation/suggestion/critique (if that makes any sense whatsoever)
Narylfiel wrote: "I did some major editing. I combined two chapters and lengthened another, so each chapter is roughly the same length. I also reached 8500 words. That is my longest yet. (I'm horrible at finishing s..."Wow that's great! (I'm pretty horrible at finishing stories, too but when I finally reach a certain point, there's no turning back)
Narylfiel wrote: "Thanks!I think I'm literally the worst when it comes to finishing one. Hopefully this one gets finished...."
You'd probably think that until you saw the half a dozen notebooks of unfinished ideas, and the truck load of manuscripts on TWO computers of stories I started and yet never finished. What I ended up having to do was find an idea and stick to it. No matter what.
Narylfiel wrote: "Nicki wrote: "Narylfiel wrote: "Thanks!I think I'm literally the worst when it comes to finishing one. Hopefully this one gets finished...."
You'd probably think that until you saw the half a do..."
Yup, and it wasn't easy I'll tell you, I was waylaid by the starry eyes dreamers many times along the way, but I pulled through and I know that you can too. You've got this!
OMG I'M SO GLAD I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS THIS PROBLEM. I was just saying to one of my blogging buddies that we should start a support group for those of us who have trouble finishing stories....*wheels turning*
Catherine wrote: "OMG I'M SO GLAD I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS THIS PROBLEM. I was just saying to one of my blogging buddies that we should start a support group for those of us who have trouble finishing stories...."
Count me in! I need the support of a group ;)
