trying to feel like me again Showing 3,151-3,200 of 14,783

[Erin]

Mary needs to try more, honestly.

[Erin]

I overwork myself while she gives little effort.

[Erin]

Growing up we were always compared

[Erin]

It hurt me to to be compared to her with the better grades because my grades is all I've ever had

[Erin]

That's why I try so hard on school. I need something to tell me I'm good and better than the mess my mind is

[Erin]

Than all of these broken parts

[Erin]

I don't want to do anything anymore

[Erin]

I'm so fucking scared of breathing.

[Erin]

And it hurts me to feel jealous to be angry with her because I get where she is coming from

[Erin]

But that's part of my problem

[Erin]

Does she even care about me anymore?

[Erin]

Did she ever care?

[Erin]

I love her and I miss her, but it feels like I've lost her

[Erin]

And it feels like she doesn't care

[Erin]

I can't even talk to her so that I can understand her

[Erin]

Everything I hear is just from my mom

[Erin]

Ughhh I'm so sick of crying

[Erin]

Of wanting to die

[Erin]

Of hating myself

[Erin]

Of overworking myself

[Erin]

I want to sleep and read and write and respond to roleplays and to my messages without feeling so bad all the time

[Erin]

I really want to be okay but I'm really not

[Erin]

I'm sorry but I can't keep doing this

[Erin]

I'm going to leave Goodreads until I feel okay. Of course I'll probably still get on to check on you guys, but I'm not going to post anything.

[Erin]

I'm tired of being so negative.

[Erin]

Though I can kinda see myself coming on during my spring break, trying to start roleplaying again...that was supposed to be my goal but idk anymore

[Erin]

Well, bye for now.

[kavi ~he-him~]

Erin wrote: "Alex ~He/him~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "Erin wrote: "Alex ~He/him~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal counc..."

YESS ELI IS MY TWIN NOW!!

[kavi ~he-him~]

*hugs*

[Erin]

Alex ~He/him~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "Erin wrote: "Alex ~He/him~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "Erin wrote: "Alex ~He/him~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family)..."

YESSSS THOSE ARE JUST FACTS NOW

Sorry I started quoting a song from my favorite band or at least I think it's from my favorite band, I can't remember what the song is called XD

[Erin]

Alex ~He/him~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "*hugs*"

*hugs back*

[Erin]

So I don't feel okay yet which makes me once again a liar but I kinda just don't trust myself to leave completely after yesterday

[Erin]

I'm going to try to be more positive but I can't promise that I'll be positive a lot because well I'm me xD

[Erin]

So next month is Camp NaNoWriMo and I am sooo excited

[Erin]

I joined a public cabin this time instead of doing a private one

[Erin]

I wanted to meet some new writers and get tips from others

[Erin]

Also now that I'm on Spring Break I changed my mind like I thought I would xD

[Erin]

I got reminded of how much I miss roleplaying lol

[Erin]

And so of course instead of roleplaying I gotta come here to say I'm alive

[Erin]

Well not exactly but here I'll say it

[Erin]

I'm alive

[Alia ~you are not your anxiety~]

You're a kind of positive I've never seen before, and I like it XD

I have a friend I'm trying not to be annoyed by right now- didn't realize they'd be the type to ignore real problems in favor of keeping up the smiles. They'll probably get along better in this world and I have sympathy for anyone who dislikes teenage complaining but yeah XD I don't know why it irritates me so much, maybe I'm jealous? Idk

[Erin]

Alia wrote: "You're a kind of positive I've never seen before, and I like it XD

I have a friend I'm trying not to be annoyed by right now- didn't realize they'd be the type to ignore real problems in favor of ..."

Really? I feel like I'm never positive. I'm just either negative or super energetic. I don't have a balance. Perhaps I should try to be more balanced instead of positive. But thanks for liking my unseen positivity xD

Ah, that sucks. But have you tried talking to them about how you feel? Ask them why not just face the real problems instead of just covering them up? Yeah, I'm not sure how that'd conversation go to be completely honest. But yeah, I get how you feel. And it's possible that you're jealous as to why it affects you so much, but at the same time I feel like it makes sense that them ignoring actual problems would irritate you. But idk either.

[Erin]

There's so much I want to do but now I don't feel like doing any of it

[Erin]

Is there 30 or 31 days in this month?

[Erin]

I should work on math so I can win

[Hallie]

*pops in* 31 *pops out*

[Erin]

But at the same time, it's the 1st day of spring break and I don't want to waste it on math

[Erin]

Hallie wrote: "*pops in* 31 *pops out*"

Thank you!!!

[Erin]

That means I can work on math tomorrow! Yay!!