trying to feel like me again Showing 2,851-2,900 of 14,783

[Erin]

I should be great

[Erin]

I got some sleep last night.

[Erin]

I got a new book.

[Erin]

I shouldn't complain.

[Erin]

It'll only make it worse

[Erin]

It always does

[Erin]

Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Yeah haha, I'm trying to stay away from bad right now. And yeah, that's always something to be grateful for. But I get ya."

I'm trying to stay away from bad too. But it keeps finding me."

Yeah, me too :/

[Erin]

I keep over thinking about over thinking things.

[Erin]

I don't see how that helps.

[Erin]

I'll hold on until I get real help

[Erin]

But what if I don't make it? Can't make it?

[Erin]

This is why they wanted us to shut up with all those what if questions

[Erin]

I never did

[Erin]

I never could

[Erin]

Does that make me weak?

[Erin]

I don't want to be weak.

[Erin]

I can barely stand and all I want to do is run

[Erin]

Run until I can't feel anything anymore

[Erin]

Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Yeah haha, I'm trying to stay away from bad right now. And yeah, that's always something to be grateful for. But I get ya."

I'm trying to stay away from b..."

*hugs back*

[Erin]

It's not that I want to die

[Erin]

I mean I do but that's not the point, at least this time

[Erin]

I'm just tired of watching other people let others make them self feel small and helpless and so needy

[Erin]

I want to break myself before someone breaks me

[Erin]

I don't want to hear that I'm perfect enough for them, for anyone ever, because all i want is to be perfect enough for me

[Erin]

Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Does that make me weak?"

You're not weak Erin."

But aren't I? Haven't i always been?

[Erin]

How could I be anything else?

[Erin]

So weak and so stupid

[Erin]

These grades don't mean a damn thing anymore

[Erin]

I tried so hard

[Erin]

I did everything I could to breathe

[Erin]

I can't do this anymore

[Erin]

I should tell her

[Erin]

I should tell my mom everything so she can get me out of here and trapped somewhere else

[Erin]

But I won't because I don't want help

[Erin]

And she scares me because she could so easily ruin me

[Erin]

I don't want to ruin a future of perfection

[Erin]

Perfection that'll never come

[Erin]

What's the point?

[Erin]

Great, I look like I've been crying and now they're down here

[Erin]

Bill's here right now and I'm annoyed

[Erin]

Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Does that make me weak?"

You're not weak Erin."

But aren't I? Haven't i always been?"

*shakes head* No."

I'll believe you for one second.

[Erin]

Oh.

[Erin]

Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "So weak and so stupid"

Erin you're not weak and you're not stupid."

Okay, so maybe just a combination that I call reckless?

[Erin]

I am reckless.

[Erin]

I mean my ankles are enough to say that.

[Erin]

Ouch. They hurt so much

[Erin]

Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Ouch. They hurt so much"

What did you do?"

I ran. A lot. If I didn't might've killed a person or myself. And I'd already been running to where my ankles were hurting but now one of them is swollen and my entire legs are hurting.

[Erin]

Actually I think I was trying to run to my death. It was my thought for one minute or so.

[Erin]

I obviously didn't though cuz here I am. Alive and -depressed like usual.

[Erin]

My arm just started hurting again too. Dammit.