it's personal discussion
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trying to feel like me again
message 2351:
by
Erin
(new)
Mar 19, 2018 03:46PM
I want to go outside
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I just wanna be happy but happy isn't what I really need
I'm addicted to these negative feelings
I haven't quite managed to want to let go
Okay you wanna know what? I don't give the fuck about how I feel
I feel like I only ever do my hair or anything after a day of hating myself
Like dress up for myself and like, you know, actually care.
List of goals for this week- say one positive thing about self each day
- write self love notes
- write about self love in general
- work on new writing project
- respond to roleplays
- tell some stories maybe by the end of the week on here?
- take sleep medicine each night
- go on a run
- do something important.
- do something your future self will be proud of.
Guys, I know I haven't talked about self love in awhile.
Even after I feel like myself my goal will be to keep loving myself
It's literally the most important thing to me and I get that I don't really act like it
It's hard and that's not an excuse but just a simple truth
I know that my efforts aren't the best
And I know that I've been slacking quite a lot on even trying
It literally slipped my mind. I'm not going to lie.
I want to love myself and I say that it never slips my mind, that it's always there but that was a lie
With all this family drama going in, I just kinda forgot that my feelings are supposed to matter
I know that I'm just trying to put excuses in the blank spots
That's not going to fix anything, I know.
To be honest the list of reasons why I hate myself have increased
And as a perfectionist as someone who wants everything about hersekf to be perfect
And it's more than the paranoia that my mom's boyfriend gave me when he became a stalker
I used to call it a canvas and maybe at one point it was but I mind is a mess of things and it scares me
With all if it's irrational fears and it's random craves for pain and the nights it tells me not to go to sleep because I habe better things to do
With the mindset of wanting to do everything
and the battle scars that are only one line in a poem
I have to go. My sister just got home.
I finished my math homework. It was easy but I couldn't focus so it took longer than it should have
It'd be funny if I died like a fish considering how much I've always wanted to be a mermaid.
That was a yesterday thought and a today's confession
Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "It'd be funny if I died like a fish considering how much I've always wanted to be a mermaid."NO DYING! I FORBID IT!
Also... Hi Erin!"
SAME GOES FOR YOU!
Hey Lillian!
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
30 Things I Love About Myself (other topics)Challenger Deep (other topics)
Throes (other topics)
P.S. I Still Love You (other topics)
Delirium (other topics)
