trying to feel like me again Showing 2,251-2,300 of 14,783

[Erin]

I took one longer than I thought I would.

[Erin]

It wasn't that fun.

[Erin]

But I didn't drown to death so that's a plus :)

[Erin]

Lillian wrote: "Hi Erin! *hugs*"

Hey!! *hugs back*

[Erin]

Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Hi Erin! *hugs*"

Hey!! *hugs back*"

How are you today?"

I'm pretty awful. How about you?

[Erin]

Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Hi Erin! *hugs*"

Hey!! *hugs back*"

How are you today?"

I'm pretty awful. How about you?"

:( *hugs again* Me? I'm um... yeah uh same. [..."

*hugs tighter* Did you do anything else? Dammit, I've been caught up in my own bullshit that I haven't checked up on you since this morning. I'm so sorry.

[Erin]

I really am selfish :/

[Erin]

I mean it's not like I could've stopped any of it, but still

[Erin]

I could've been there

[Erin]

I guess I really am terrible if I'm thinking that

[Erin]

My body hurts so bad

[Erin]

I should sleep

[Erin]

But I'm too scared to sleep

[Erin]

Too worried to sleep

[Erin]

Too anxious

[Erin]

I didn't do my homework

[Erin]

I couldn't focus on getting it done

[Erin]

I'll finish it tomorrow morning

[Erin]

I'll have time

[Erin]

Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Hi Erin! *hugs*"

Hey!! *hugs back*"

How are you today?"

I'm pretty awful. How about you?"

:( *hugs again* ..."

(view spoiler)[ :( dammit. dammit. I don't know what to tell you. I want to say I'm sorry but I know that I shouldn't. I want to take it all away but I know that I can't. I know that there's apps that my sister showed me that like help to breathe every time you get the urge to cut but I don't want to promise you that they'll work (hide spoiler)]

[Erin]

And of course they won't be there every time either

[Erin]

Nothing ever is

[Erin]

Damn

[Erin]

Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "I guess I really am terrible if I'm thinking that"

Erin wrote: "I could've been there"

Erin wrote: "I mean it's not like I could've stopped any of it, but still"

Erin wrote: "I real..."

I really am for reasons worse than I want to admit :/ And doing it doesn't make you a terrible person, maybe selfish, but never terrible.

[Erin]

You're just hurting.

[Erin]

That's all it ever means

[Erin]

Maybe I'm wrong

[Erin]

I'm always wrong

[Erin]

I don't even know what I'm going on about

[Erin]

Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Hi Erin! *hugs*"

Hey!! *hugs back*"

How are you today?"

I'm pretty awful. How ..."

Don't apologize to me. Please don't ever apologize to me about hurting yourself because I get it, but the person you should always try to apologize to is yourself. That's the only apology that really matters in situations like this.
(view spoiler)[Practice breathing is all that I really meant, or try. Like every time you have the urge to cut shut your eyes automatically. Don't give yourself the time to look for anything to cut yourself with and just breathe or focus on your breathing or something (hide spoiler)]

[Erin]

Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "I guess I really am terrible if I'm thinking that"

Erin wrote: "I could've been there"

Erin wrote: "I mean it's not like I could've stopped any of it, bu..."

Then we're both terrible people and I'm sorry for trying to lie to you.

[Erin]

Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Hi Erin! *hugs*"

Hey!! *hugs back*"

How are you to..."

I know. I didn't expect you to stop, but I figured I should try to tell you. (view spoiler)[ There's that marker thing that Hallie suggested where you mark yourself whenever you get the urge, so maybe keep a marker on you like in a pocket or something. You could also try meditating, I'm not sure how well that'd help, but maybe to help clear your mind of all the reasons why you'd want to cut it just to try to get the feeling to pass away. (hide spoiler)]

[Erin]

Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "I know. I didn't expect you to stop, but I figured I should try to tell you. [spoilers removed]"

[spoilers removed]"

(view spoiler)[ Yeah, I guess that's the worse. (hide spoiler)]

[Erin]

I'm in a terrible mental state

[Erin]

I don't even know if that'll work

[Erin]

I feel like I'm giving out false hope

[Erin]

I'm a hypocrite

[Erin]

I'm sorry

[kavi ~he-him~]

*hugs you*

[Erin]

It's funny how I keep trying to help people but I call myself selfish. The truth is: I just want to be known as a good person.

[Erin]

Ha

[Erin]

Bet you thought I'd say something sweet

[Erin]

You really ought to stop expecting more from me

[Erin]

I need to stop talking shit to myself and letting you all read it

[Erin]

It's unfair to y'all

[Erin]

Alex ~He/him~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "*hugs you*"

*hugs*

[Erin]

Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "I feel like I'm giving out false hope"

Erin wrote: "I don't even know if that'll work"

Erin wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "I know. I didn't expect you to stop, but I figured I ..."

All I want is to give you hope and encouragement and the feeling that everything will be okay, but I don't want to lie to you and make it seem like a simple meditation will solve all your problems. I'm sorry for being like this when I really should just be thinking of more ways to help you because that's all I really want to do is to help you.

[Erin]

Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "I feel like I'm giving out false hope"

Erin wrote: "I don't even know if that'll work"

Erin wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "I know. I didn't expect ..."

But neither do you. I should be able to help you with your problems and handle mine and be able to breathe. You've been there for me and I want to be here for you too.

[Erin]

I'm sorry. I'm just full of anxiety after everything that's been happening lately.

[Erin]

I'm not trying to sound like I'm against you.