it's personal discussion
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trying to feel like me again
message 2101:
by
Erin
(new)
Mar 18, 2018 10:48AM
Yes Mom, you're mentally abusive.
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No Mom, I'm not trying very hard to stop cussing.
I stomped away from her while she was on the phone.
Allison told me not to defend her but it's so fucking hard.
I'm so tired of family drama and family crap and of letting it all makes me feel terrible
I really don't want to be here anymore
Australia is like my biggest dream right now
I'm scared of not making it to eighteen
Every day my mom makes it harder for me to believe that I should be alive because even when I'm not wishing I was dead or wanting to go die she makes me wish I was never born
And that's for reasons bigger than me hating myself
I wish my mom was happy but with every day that comes and go she deserves it less and less
I wish she'd stop treating herself so bad and settling for less
She doesn't want drama but she is drama
After all of this, I still just want her to be happy and okay and to believe her when she says she loves us and to believe her when she says that it's us it's us it's us
And it hurts to know that but it hurt even more to believe her lies
Sometimes I wish she'd die but then where would we go?
I don't really want her dead because I don't want to be at her funeral
I don't want her dead because I want her to live long enough to see that I will never be like her that I am way better than anything she could have ever imagined and that it was all because of me not her that I got to be that way
UGHHHH IM TIRED OF TALKING ABOUT MY MOTHER
So hello :D Welcome to the talk that's about anything but my mother XD
Anyone wanna try to persuade me to do it?
Congratulations Anxiety for like the billionth time. Whooo
Anyways Imma go make an attempt at my homework
I'll try not to die or cry or both and I'll see ya all hopefully later :D
Do you ever just think about hmm I don't know like not the what if questions but more like the uncertainties a question can give?
I don't think I'll ever forgive myself and that hurts.
I'm sorry Future Me, if you even exist.
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
30 Things I Love About Myself (other topics)Challenger Deep (other topics)
Throes (other topics)
P.S. I Still Love You (other topics)
Delirium (other topics)
