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trying to feel like me again
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Erin
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Mar 10, 2018 10:03PM
Well I'll just explain it anyways
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So on Friday there was this coney ice thing and trucks and the small ones were free and the eighth graders went first this time since we went last last time and most of us didn't get any
Well I decided not to go and to stay in the classroom because the last time I had had an anxiety attack and I didn't want that to happen again
I was currently in language arts with Mrs. Creek and she asked me if I didn't want any and I told her I didn't want to have an anxiety attack again and that brought us on the discussion about anxiety
Well at one point why we were talking she mentioned how she'd be willing to talk to my teachers next year or to give them something that I wrote to explain that I'd have anxiety and so that's where the letter comes in. She gave me the idea to write the letter as long as I had my mom's permission which I do so whoo
And now I'm here trying to write a letter
I'll see y'all later! I'm too tired to be awake! xD
I probably won't be on much today because I need to finish my letter and homework
Dear Future Teachers,Social anxiety is not a game everyone can play, and those who do have it have no choice in the matter. Not everyone has social anxiety. It’s not something that everyone goes through and it’s not temporary, despite the many misconceptions that it is. Although people who suffer from social anxiety disorders can go through good phases and bad phases, the disorder itself is always present. Social anxiety isn’t something that someone just made up one day. Social anxiety was the latest form of anxiety “discovered” and is the one least understood, and it continues to be the last in terms of both public and professional understanding. Ironically, eight percent of the general population suffers from some form of social anxiety. It’s classified as a mental disorder because of the severity of feelings a person with social anxiety experiences. Social anxiety is hard to recognize; there doesn’t always have to be a reason for it; it causes sufferers many limitations, and there are a lot of misconceptions and misguided information about this mental disorder.
Social anxiety isn’t something you can see, therefore it’s common for people who aren’t suffering through it to be unable to recognize it. I think that's been part of my problem because as I've gotten older my anxiety has grown with me. Before I didn't know what anxiety was so I would always just tell teachers I'm shy and they would tell me stories about how they were shy when they were younger or about how I'll eventually get over being shy. After awhile of believing them and my 'shyness’ never getting conquered, I began to think there was something wrong with me. Turns out there was. Anxiety was wrong with me.
1. Don't hate yourself. 2. Do you want me to look at it just to get a different perspective? I've spent a lot of time trying to see through the eyes of teachers before talking to them. So while I'm not one, I can kind of simulate their eyes for you.
I'm so glad you're speaking up and getting what you need. I know it's not easy.
1. I wish it was that easy. 2. Yes, please! I'd love to actually be able to finish a full draft of the letter but I'm having trouble getting passed the first paragraph, and the only reason I have the first paragraph done is because it was from the essay I wrote awhile back and the teacher who recommended that I wrote the letter said it'd be a good start.
And thanks! I'm actually really glad about it too, and I think that's part of my problem because I'm having trouble of just thinking what to write.
Should I get rid of the last sentence in the first paragraph? It was originally for an argumentive essay but since that's not what it is anymore, should I erase it since that's not what the paragraphs are about?
And then add a new sentence on what they'll be about?
Or keep it and still add a new sentence?
I mean that's keeping the argumentive essay style of it and it's not one so idk
No that sentence is great! Please keep it!
Sorry for the delay, I'm chatting with someone on Discord. Actually, would you mind PMing me yours since we mentioned it? I think going through the letter there would be more efficient than with long messages that might be confusing. :)
If that's okay with you! Let me just say I'm so proud of you for what you've done so far!
You're fine! But yeah, I'll do that now! Just give me a few minutes so I can go check what it is. And yeah, that's true :)
And yeah, that's comryely fine with me! And ahh thank you!!!
Yeah it should be like @DiscordUser#0000.Thank you!!!
Eve though I'm hating myself now I was happy yesterday. I changed the words of Dear Theodosia to Dear Future Teachers xD
Here it is:Dear Future Teachers, what to say to you?
You'll hold my letter,
You'll hold my imperfections, too.
When I come into the highschool,
I'll cry and it'll break my heart.
I'm dedicating every day to me,
Living life was never quite my style
When you'll teach, I'll over think things,
I'll fall apart
And I thought I'd be so smart
I will come of age with our damn nation
I'll bleed and fight for this
I'll make it right for me
If I gain a strong enough confidence,
I'll care to use it more,
I'm giving my world to you
And I'll blow you all away
Someday, someday
Yeah, I'll blow you all away
Someday, someday
Oh Anxiety, when you teach I am undone
My anxiety
Look at my anxiety
Pain is not the word I'm looking for
There is so much more inside me now
Oh Anxiety, you've outshined everything I am
My anxiety
When you smiled, I fell apart
And I thought I'd been so smart
I wasn't around
I swear that
I'll be around for now
I'll do whatever it takes
I'll make a million mistakes
I'll make the world safe and sound for me
I'll come of age with our damn nation
I'll bleed and fight for this
I'll make it right me
If I gain a strong enough confidence
I'll care to use it more
I'm giving my world to you
And I'll blow you all away
Someday, someday
Yeah, I'll blow you all away
Someday, someday
It's not that good, but I'm still pleased with it xD
I guess that's me with most things lol
I can't tell if it's the symptom or part of being sick or my headaches
I feel lonely too but not as in there aren't any people around or that I have no one but in the way that I feel like an outsider in this world
And that made me think about how there are so many of us
And how we're all supposed to matter but is that really true or just a belief
Erin wrote: "Dear Future Teachers,Social anxiety is not a game everyone can play, and those who do have it have no choice in the matter. Not everyone has social anxiety. It’s not something that everyone goes ..."
PREACH!!! All the teachers need to know this
Erin wrote: "Here it is:Dear Future Teachers, what to say to you?
You'll hold my letter,
You'll hold my imperfections, too.
When I come into the highschool,
I'll cry and it'll break my heart.
I'm dedicatin..."
I LOVE IT BEST FRIEND
AM PREACHING XD And yeah, true true!!!
Alex ~They/them~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "Erin wrote: "Here it is:Dear Future Teachers, what to say to you?
You'll hold my letter,
You'll hold my imperfections, too.
When I come into the highschool,
I'll cry and it'll break my heart.
..."
THANKS :D
Oh since you guys saw me trying to write it, I'll post the final! It's much better!
Dear Something Faculty,My name is Erin Something, and I'll be one of the incoming freshman next year. I'm looking forward to meeting you in highschool and learning from you. I want to forewarn you about some things that have been challenging for me in middle school in hopes that we can overcome these challenges together, so that we can all have the best possible year.
Social anxiety is not a game everyone can play, and those who do have it have no choice in the matter. Not everyone has social anxiety. It’s not something that everyone goes through and it’s not temporary, despite the many misconceptions that it is. Although people who suffer from social anxiety disorders can go through good phases and bad phases, the disorder itself is always present. Social anxiety isn’t something that someone just made up one day. Social anxiety was the latest form of anxiety “discovered” and is the one least understood, and it continues to be the last in terms of both public and professional understanding. Ironically, eight percent of the general population suffers from some form of social anxiety. It’s classified as a mental disorder because of the severity of feelings a person with social anxiety experiences. Social anxiety is hard to recognize; there doesn’t always have to be a reason for it; it causes sufferers many limitations, and there are a lot of misconceptions and misguided information about this mental disorder.
Social anxiety isn’t something you can see, therefore it’s common for people who aren’t suffering through it to be unable to recognize it. I think that's been part of my problem because as I've gotten older my anxiety has grown with me. Before I didn't know what anxiety was so I would always just tell teachers I'm shy and they would tell me stories about how they were shy when they were younger or about how I'll eventually get over being shy. I was wrong; I'm not shy. I'm not even a quiet person. I realized that I was having some struggles with talking to my teachers, raising my hand in class even when I was completely certain I knew the answer or when a teacher would randomly call on me and I knew the answer but the wrong answer would stumble out because I wanted to get the attention off me as soon as possible, just walking down the hallways, and even trying to hold a conversation with friends. There were also times when I had to miss out on school events because my mind couldn't take the amount of people in the room and so it would crash underneath me. I now believe that I'm impacted by social anxiety on a regular basis. This can make day to day routines difficult. I'm not always able to participate like everyone else. I can't take part in discussions or share my thoughts as easily as others. I don't remember all of the names of my classmates, so I'll never volunteer to pass back papers. I can't walk into classrooms without my mind entering a panic. Random things set me off into having an anxiety attack, and it's not always clear what the reason for them is.
I'm not sure what helps my anxiety. I've tried to think up a list of things that'd help, so I'd have something to tell my teachers when they ask but when the time comes I don't know what helps. The thing that helps always seems to change. On some days one thing might work while the next day that thing might have no effect at all and just make it worse. I've had teachers try talking and joking with me to get me out of an anxiety attack and for a while that worked. Sometimes it still does, but not as much as it used to. Now it makes me feel bad for wasting the teacher’s time when they could be helping another student or teaching the class. Reassuring me that it's okay doesn't help me because it makes me feel like it has to be okay and that makes me spiral into anxiety even more. So how are you supposed to help me when you don't know what helps me and I also don't know what helps me? I'm not going to lie and make up things that help me because that's not going to help either of us. Here's all that I really need: a break. Just give me a few minutes to breathe and then I'll get myself back into class. I'll probably still feel and seem apart from the class, but don't try to add me back to being a participant unless I completely look like I can handle it.
My mom and I went to see a neurologist about the constant headaches I've been having and the doctor thought that my headaches may be stressed related. We then told the doctor about the anxiety I'd been having and he gave us a referral to a therapist and where I'll eventually go to get my head scanned to see if there's anything psychologically wrong with me. My mom and I've talked about how we thought it would be best to start this at the end of the school year, so that we can get far into it in the summer, and then depending on the therapist's request find the right time for it in the upcoming school year.
Thank you for taking your time to read this. I wanted to give you a full brief explanation on the issue, hence the length. I hope that I'm able to participate more next year and that I'll be able to worry less about having an anxiety attack in each of your classes, and then attempting to badly explain that I'm having an anxiety attack. I’m aware the transition won't be flawless, but hopefully with this communication, I'll be better able to understand and have a smoother time. I know that I can't just move on from anxiety, it's not that simple, but I think that I'm finally ready to start focusing on taking those steps where I don't just allow my anxiety to control me. I want to be able to show my love for learning with all that I am, instead of feeling like I'm just an outsider. I want to prove myself and to allow my anxiety to continue to improve the way that I've had a few people say that it has. I've been fighting anxiety my whole life, but it only now feels like I've got the upper hand. Thanks again for reading this!
Sincerely,
Me
I left out personal information on purpose because although I am a stalker and support my cause I need to hide from the secret agents :D
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
30 Things I Love About Myself (other topics)Challenger Deep (other topics)
Throes (other topics)
P.S. I Still Love You (other topics)
Delirium (other topics)
