it's personal discussion
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trying to feel like me again
message 1901:
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Erin
(new)
Mar 10, 2018 06:22PM
I really am sorry about my continuous jokes about death
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Alex ~She/her~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "*hugs you*"*Hugs back*
Colds + depression + anxiety= don't want to do anything
Bill is here and he's spending the night
The sound of them talking is bothering me
I was actually going to take my sleep medicine tonight but I don't want to now
Dear Future Teachers,Social anxiety is not a game everyone can play, and those who do have it have no choice in the matter. Not everyone has social anxiety. It’s not something that everyone goes through and it’s not temporary, despite the many misconceptions that it is. Although people who suffer from social anxiety disorders can go through good phases and bad phases, the disorder itself is always present. Social anxiety isn’t something that someone just made up one day. Social anxiety was the latest form of anxiety “discovered” and is the one least understood, and it continues to be the last in terms of both public and professional understanding. Ironically, eight percent of the general population suffers from some form of social anxiety. It’s classified as a mental disorder because of the severity of feelings a person with social anxiety experiences. Social anxiety is hard to recognize; there doesn’t always have to be a reason for it; it causes sufferers many limitations, and there are a lot of misconceptions and misguided information about this mental disorder.
My anxiety tends to be pretty servere. I mean, I wouldn't be writing this if it wasn't severe. Or maybe I would be. I don't know. My anxiety holds me back. I can't do things like other people. I can barely breathe without having anxiety when I walk into a classroom.
I've been trying to get rid of my anxiety for five years without even realizing it was anxiety at first. It started with third grade when I had a teacher who confused my anxiety for shyness and told me I wouldn't be shy by the end of the year. Although that was the year that I began to think there was something wrong with me, that wasn't the first time I had an anxiety attack. I had them a lot the year before without understanding why I was having them or understanding that there might not be a reason for some of them.
Dear Future Teachers,Social anxiety is not a game everyone can play, and those who do have it have no choice in the matter. Not everyone has social anxiety. It’s not something that everyone goes through and it’s not temporary, despite the many misconceptions that it is. Although people who suffer from social anxiety disorders can go through good phases and bad phases, the disorder itself is always present. Social anxiety isn’t something that someone just made up one day. Social anxiety was the latest form of anxiety “discovered” and is the one least understood, and it continues to be the last in terms of both public and professional understanding. Ironically, eight percent of the general population suffers from some form of social anxiety. It’s classified as a mental disorder because of the severity of feelings a person with social anxiety experiences. Social anxiety is hard to recognize; there doesn’t always have to be a reason for it; it causes sufferers many limitations, and there are a lot of misconceptions and misguided information about this mental disorder.
My anxiety is full of reckless ambition. It takes control of me and I lose my train of thought. Or maybe I never had a train of thought because my brain crashed forever ago and I've just lost sight of memories because I'm still too busy on holding on to what used to be. I'm not trying to hold on to the past or on to any negative energy. That's not what my anxiety is about. So what is my anxiety about? The truth is that I don't know. Sometimes it's nothing. I just gave an anxiety attack and there isn't a reason for it. I just suddenly freak out and I can't calm down. Other times it's everything because I started thinking and then I ended up overthinking and gdn somehow I broke the engine of my brain and it's got lost on an apology of all the things I've done wrong. Then there are times when it's small things and if you listen to me trying to explain them, you'll learn to hate me. It's my hands shaking, it's the fact I didn't raise my hand, it's the fact I rose my hand, it's the fact I answered wrong, it's the fact I answered right, it's the fact I can't sleep, it's the fact that I slept too much, it's the fact that I mumble, it's the fact that I laugh, it's the fact that I'm crying too much, it's the fact that I'm having an anxiety attack, it's the fact I can't breathe, it's the fact that I talk too fast and too much and yet not enough, it's the fact that these are facts. It's the fact I'm imperfect.
Talking about my anxiety has always been hard. Every time I try to talk about my anxiety I feel like I'm on the verge of having an anxiety attack, and that feeling is enough to make me want to shut down. That's why I don't raise my hand because I feel that feeling come along but then that feeling will come back later when I'm thinking about everything I've done wrong.
Dear Future Teachers,Social anxiety is not a game everyone can play, and those who do have it have no choice in the matter. Not everyone has social anxiety. It’s not something that everyone goes through and it’s not temporary, despite the many misconceptions that it is. Although people who suffer from social anxiety disorders can go through good phases and bad phases, the disorder itself is always present. Social anxiety isn’t something that someone just made up one day. Social anxiety was the latest form of anxiety “discovered” and is the one least understood, and it continues to be the last in terms of both public and professional understanding. Ironically, eight percent of the general population suffers from some form of social anxiety. It’s classified as a mental disorder because of the severity of feelings a person with social anxiety experiences. Social anxiety is hard to recognize; there doesn’t always have to be a reason for it; it causes sufferers many limitations, and there are a lot of misconceptions and misguided information about this mental disorder.
Anxiety is like a bully. It taunts me and threatens me, and makes me too scared to do anything. I've tried so many times to describe what it feels like but it's hard to make people who don't experience anxiety understand it. I think that's why it's the least understood. It's not just general anxiety over a score on a test or first day of school jitters. It's more than that. I'm not expecting you to understand my social anxiety or to make any preparations for me. I think you should make preparations for yourself. On days that I have an anxiety attack in your class, I might ruin your day. I won't be apart of your class for the rest of the day, I'll try to fade out of my body and just watch the class like an onlooker. I can't allow myself to be present. It hurts too much to be fully there. Only here's the thing, sometimes I catch what I'm doing and I'll put a stop to it because I feel like I should know better than to put up more walks and to create a letter. I should know better by now.
Dear Future Teachers,Social anxiety is not a game everyone can play, and those who do have it have no choice in the matter. Not everyone has social anxiety. It’s not something that everyone goes through and it’s not temporary, despite the many misconceptions that it is. Although people who suffer from social anxiety disorders can go through good phases and bad phases, the disorder itself is always present. Social anxiety isn’t something that someone just made up one day. Social anxiety was the latest form of anxiety “discovered” and is the one least understood, and it continues to be the last in terms of both public and professional understanding. Ironically, eight percent of the general population suffers from some form of social anxiety. It’s classified as a mental disorder because of the severity of feelings a person with social anxiety experiences. Social anxiety is hard to recognize; there doesn’t always have to be a reason for it; it causes sufferers many limitations, and there are a lot of misconceptions and misguided information about this mental disorder.
I don't want to tell you about how I'm not perfect. I want to be perfect. I need to be perfect. I don't want to tell you about what it feels like to feel everything so extremely. I don't want to tell you about how it hurts or the constant headaches or the restless nights. I don't want to tell you about how easily teachers have triggered anxiety attacks or how easily they've made me want to die because they act as reminders that I'll never be good enough to be one of them, to be one of you. But I also know that if I tell you, it'd be better because I can't hide my anxiety from you. Trust me, I've been trying to hide it and to get over it. I told myself I wouldn't cry this year as if all anxiety is is crying. It's not. It's so much more.
Dear Future Teachers,Social anxiety is not a game everyone can play, and those who do have it have no choice in the matter. Not everyone has social anxiety. It’s not something that everyone goes through and it’s not temporary, despite the many misconceptions that it is. Although people who suffer from social anxiety disorders can go through good phases and bad phases, the disorder itself is always present. Social anxiety isn’t something that someone just made up one day. Social anxiety was the latest form of anxiety “discovered” and is the one least understood, and it continues to be the last in terms of both public and professional understanding. Ironically, eight percent of the general population suffers from some form of social anxiety. It’s classified as a mental disorder because of the severity of feelings a person with social anxiety experiences. Social anxiety is hard to recognize; there doesn’t always have to be a reason for it; it causes sufferers many limitations, and there are a lot of misconceptions and misguided information about this mental disorder.
My anxiety is messy and random and complicated. I can't tell you about what helps it because I still haven't learned how to help it. Maybe you'll be lucky, though. Maybe you'll get me when I'm no longer this broken mess. Maybe you'll get me when I'm happier and less than depress and completely okay and you'll be confused as to why I even wrote this letter. Maybe you'll never understand what it is like to have me as a student who will ruin your day without meaning to because I feel like every time I breathe I hurt you. Maybe you'll never get to know the real me. Would you be okay with that? You probably wouldn't even realize that it's me. Of course you wouldn't.
Dear Future Teachers,Social anxiety is not a game everyone can play, and those who do have it have no choice in the matter. Not everyone has social anxiety. It’s not something that everyone goes through and it’s not temporary, despite the many misconceptions that it is. Although people who suffer from social anxiety disorders can go through good phases and bad phases, the disorder itself is always present. Social anxiety isn’t something that someone just made up one day. Social anxiety was the latest form of anxiety “discovered” and is the one least understood, and it continues to be the last in terms of both public and professional understanding. Ironically, eight percent of the general population suffers from some form of social anxiety. It’s classified as a mental disorder because of the severity of feelings a person with social anxiety experiences. Social anxiety is hard to recognize; there doesn’t always have to be a reason for it; it causes sufferers many limitations, and there are a lot of misconceptions and misguided information about this mental disorder.
I'm in love with my anxiety but my anxiety is abusing me because anxiety isn't something you're supposed to fall in love with. Only I'm not in love with anxiety I am in love with my anxiety. My social anxiety. It keeps me up late at night, rethinking every conversation I had, every second I lived, every opportunity I missed. But it also helps me get my work done and remember that there is things to do and a world to live when my depression wants to chain me to my bed. I can't keep fighting it.
Dear Future Teachers,Social anxiety is not a game everyone can play, and those who do have it have no choice in the matter. Not everyone has social anxiety. It’s not something that everyone goes through and it’s not temporary, despite the many misconceptions that it is. Although people who suffer from social anxiety disorders can go through good phases and bad phases, the disorder itself is always present. Social anxiety isn’t something that someone just made up one day. Social anxiety was the latest form of anxiety “discovered” and is the one least understood, and it continues to be the last in terms of both public and professional understanding. Ironically, eight percent of the general population suffers from some form of social anxiety. It’s classified as a mental disorder because of the severity of feelings a person with social anxiety experiences. Social anxiety is hard to recognize; there doesn’t always have to be a reason for it; it causes sufferers many limitations, and there are a lot of misconceptions and misguided information about this mental disorder.
I'm tired of social anxiety. I'm tired of not being able to live outside of my skin. I am tired of feeling trapped and caged. I'm tired of waiting to disappear and be invisible just because I saw maybe one person looking at me. I'm tired of not being able to breathe. I'm tired of being forced to count to ten. I'm tired of being so damn tired. I don't want to suffer for forever anymore.
Oh did I even explain what this letter was for?
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
30 Things I Love About Myself (other topics)Challenger Deep (other topics)
Throes (other topics)
P.S. I Still Love You (other topics)
Delirium (other topics)
