it's personal discussion
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trying to feel like me again
message 1601:
by
Erin
(new)
Feb 22, 2018 04:47PM
NOT!
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Yeah. I've honestly just left some groups to avoid responding to a roleplay and I'm just now realizing how mean that was of me. I probably should've just told them straight up but I just didn't have the energy to even tell them that much.
Bye! I'm actually gonna go do my homework now lol
Erin wrote: "Alex ~She/he/they~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "Erin wrote: "So this is it,Honors English- Full year
Algebra 1- Full Year
Physical Science-..."
we didn't have that in my school!!!
Alex ~They/them~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "Erin wrote: "Alex ~She/he/they~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "Erin wrote: "So this is it,Honors English- Full year
Algebra 1- Full Year
Phys..."
That sucks!!! I didn't realize how many different music classes my school actually offered until this year and I wanted to take them all but I decided on two xD
Anxiety is procrastinating certain things because you're afraid of your outcome. It's stressing over every situation. It can lead to insomnia. It's thinking of every mistake you made today instead of just saying that you'll do better tomorrow. It's the questionable breathing and the awkward coughs and the constant migraines that your doctor tells you are stress related as they witness you have an anxiety attack in their office because you thought you did something wrong. It's not being able to take the phone to your sister because you're suddenly afraid you'll mess something up, even if it's just to give an order. Anxiety is not turning in your work because you're afraid of going up to your teacher but rushing to get it in at the end of the quarter because you're afraid of failing even more.
Paranoia makes me look in the corners of the room, behind me and then jump back to in front of me, and glance at every single car that's around me. Paranoia has kept me up at night, listening to every sound there is and overhearing family member's fight and wondering if when they talk bad about you it's because they know you're listening. Paranoia is seeing a face in the window and having to keep glancing at it until it's gone. Paranoia is jumping for no reason. It's glancing at the clocks constantly, or maybe that's just my anxiety or maybe it's both.
My mom was already going to say no because of the money
But we also didn't get it because of the background check
Imma go read and then work on my musical
Sometimes I want to disappear. Not like I want to die, but just be invisible and nonexistent. I want to get the stares off me from the people who look on and expect me to somehow be great because I know that I will never be as great as they long for me to be. My therapist said to try to explain how I feel. When I tried to tell my mother, she shut me down. She told me I was born to be great, but I wasn't. The great one was supposed to be my twin sister, who was three seconds older than me. She was supposed to be the one to inherit the magic and all the wisdom, not me. When I tried to tell my father, he told me to shut up because he was leader. I'm supposed to be the leader soon, though, and every time I remind him he gets angry. When I told my therapist their responses, she said they were right and that I couldn't keep blaming myself for my sister's death. That's when I got angry. I knew it wasn't my fault and I knew exactly who's fault it was. My problem was I never got a chance to grieve or to feel anything and I didn't grow up with all the training my sister had, and now all of a sudden I'm supposed to be a leader and a queen of a nation who believes me to be my sister. I don't even use my own name anymore. I am someone I am not and yet a reflection of someone I used to know who is no longer anything but a speck of dust. I should be in my sister's position and my sister should be here. I should've been her guard instead of her being mine. So I guess I was wrong because maybe I do want to die. -an excerpt from a book I'll probably never right
I don't feel like wondering roleplays right now or doing my homework and I know that I should but I really just want to write random things until I just stop because I always stop.
That's why my bones are weak xD I don't drink a lot of milk
Is it bones that are supposed to make your milk strong
Is it milk that's supposed to make your bones strong
Does anyone want to do my homework for me?
I can't pay you but I'll write you whatever you want about whatever you want
I'll go do it myself as soon as I finish this milk
Ah just typing it gave me shudders that time
Guys, I know I'm a dork but y'all love me or you wouldn't be waiting your time with me because I don't pay any of ya to be here.
Or maybe you like making fun of me
Thanks. That just made me feel 100% better about myself.
Erin wrote: "Guys, I know I'm a dork but y'all love me or you wouldn't be waiting your time with me because I don't pay any of ya to be here."I love you Erin <333333333
Imagining another side to a conversation that's not even there
Alex ~They/them~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "Erin wrote: "Guys, I know I'm a dork but y'all love me or you wouldn't be waiting your time with me because I don't pay any of ya to be here."I love you Erin <333333333"
Yay, I'm loved!! Thanks for loving the mess that I am! xD I love you too!!!!! <33333333333333333
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
30 Things I Love About Myself (other topics)Challenger Deep (other topics)
Throes (other topics)
P.S. I Still Love You (other topics)
Delirium (other topics)
