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trying to feel like me again
message 1551:
by
Erin
(new)
Feb 22, 2018 04:11PM
What if I just let everyone down?
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What if one day I want to be dead and then suddenly I am?
What if my mind can't survive the next five years?
What if I am not even here in five years?
What if every promise I keep making to myself never does anything?
There's a reason why they say not to ask what if questions.
What if I finish my musical next week? What'll come after? How can I complete with a mind that's broken?
What if I really am going crazy? Can I just hide it from everyone and myself?
What if I just leave every single person behind me because I'm too ambitious with a knack for more knowledge?
How could I ever stop hurting like this?
She said thank you for being alive and all I want to do us fucking survive but my mind screams to go die
I'm only alive because I'm ambitious and I want a future and I want to do more than every single person there has ever been and will ever be
And I will never do anything or be anyone so what is my point?
It's to find it, right? To love myself and be happy and feel okay and safe
Valentine Ransom (call me Val) ~Phantom of the Library~ ~Mr Flirt~ ~Sunflower's marido~ wrote: "What's wrong?"Nothing, but apparently something.
the Artful Dodger wrote: "Dud you gotta stop with the 'what-ifs'. It's not that good for you."I know I should stop and that their not good for me, but at the same time, I don't think my mind will ever allow me to stop and I know I have control over my mind, so I don't think I'll ever allow me to stop.
Valentine Ransom (call me Val) ~Phantom of the Library~ ~Mr Flirt~ ~Sunflower's marido~ wrote: "I feel just like you *crying*"I'm sorry :/
I'm sorry I'll stop asking what if questions now. I'll stop caring about my life completely because all caring does for me us bring what if questions and if their not good for me, then I should just stop caring. Caring isn't good for me either. I hurt too much when I care.
Erin wrote: "What if my mind can't survive the next five years?"you gotta take everything day by day, minute by minute or you'll psych yourself out and worry too much about the "what ifs"
Valentine Ransom (call me Val) ~Phantom of the Library~ ~Mr Flirt~ ~Sunflower's marido~ wrote: "You just described perfectly how I'm feeling. I don't feel very good right now. It's okay. I'll be fine. Just gotta stop crying. *hugs*"Ahh. And I feel you because me too. The moment I got on Goodreads, I started crying and I don't really get why. *Hugs back*
I'm too negative to be on the website. Gods, I hate myself.
ɱค૭૭ɿ૯ wrote: "Erin wrote: "What if my mind can't survive the next five years?"you gotta take everything day by day, minute by minute or you'll psych yourself out and worry too much about the "what ifs""
I worry about every day and every minute and even on days when I'm super energetic and happy and entirely okay, I'm still worried. I worry about everything because I don't know how to stop. The "what ifs" are just a small side affect of all the worrying.
Valentine Ransom (call me Val) ~Phantom of the Library~ ~Mr Flirt~ ~Sunflower's marido~ wrote: "I'm negative too."Everyone is negative, though. I just feel like I'm the worse kind of negative.
My sister is on a date/hangout (neither of them have actually called it a date to each other but my sister joked) xD
I had my group today and got out of science.
I haven't replied to anyway roleplays yet though and now I don't feel like it.
Wow, had to go and make things negative, didn't ya Erin?
Valentine Ransom (call me Val) ~Phantom of the Library~ ~Mr Flirt~ ~Sunflower's marido~ wrote: "Hmm… *thinking of positive things* I got 70% on my biology quiz. Positive?"Better than getting a 0, so I'll accept it as positive :D
Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Another positive."Erin wrote: "Another positive."
Erin wrote: "Another positive."
Erin wrote: "That's something positive."
Yay for positives!"
Yay!
Valentine Ransom (call me Val) ~Phantom of the Library~ ~Mr Flirt~ ~Sunflower's marido~ wrote: "Me too. I've ignored my roleplays for a little while."I feel so bad. There's this one I haven't responded to in three months and I really do love the roleplay and the characters I just haven't felt like I could give a good enough response so I keep putting it off.
Ah, that sucks. I guess the good thing about roleplaying with people you aren't super close with is you can at least kinda pretend they don't care how you are and that they're only problem is the length of time it takes you to respond. xD
Wow, being imaginative makes me see others viewing me in a better light. I'm great XD
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
30 Things I Love About Myself (other topics)Challenger Deep (other topics)
Throes (other topics)
P.S. I Still Love You (other topics)
Delirium (other topics)
