trying to feel like me again Showing 14,651-14,700 of 14,783

[Erin]

i miss feeling like i had a home

[Erin]

this place used to feel like home but now all I feel is trapped

[Erin]

i hate myself

[Erin]

i'm stuck in a loop

[Erin]

where it always ends with me waiting for her to come back

[Erin]

hurting myself for her again

[Erin]

this is not what she wanted

[Erin]

I just miss her so badly that it physically hurts

[Erin]

it's like i keep holding on but there's no use

[Erin]

perhaps there never was

[Erin]

she messaged me first

[Erin]

and then disappeared

[Erin]

why enter my life if you're just gonna leave

[Erin]

why the hell does everyone leave

[Erin]

am I that bad of a person

[Erin]

yeah, maybe that's it

[Erin]

I'm really sad right now and I'm trying not to be

[Erin]

I want to die but I'm trying to live

[Erin]

yet every time I try I think of her

[Erin]

because she wanted me to live for myself

[Erin]

and I'm not there yet

[Erin]

and I can't help but wonder if she'll be disappointed

[Erin]

if she ever sees this, sees me

[Erin]

I wonder if she even remembers me

[Erin]

or if she's already forgotten

[Erin]

I say already but it's been years

[Erin]

Maybe I just wasn't that important

[Erin]

I hate that she was my first love yet she was never really mine

[Erin]

I'm scared

[Erin]

Scared she's really gone

[Erin]

She was ill too

[Erin]

What if she gave up

[Erin]

I'll never truly know but the thought haunts me

[Erin]

It makes it easier to hate myself

[Erin]

To blame myself

[Erin]

Erin wrote: "Maybe in the future I'll miss this, these nights, these words, these moments, but for now I'll just long for the future."

I miss them. I miss her

[Erin]

If I knew then what I know now, I would have cherished time a little more

[Erin]

I'm falling again

[Erin]

and I can't stop

[Erin]

I keep chasing old memories

[Erin]

but it's pointless, useless

[Erin]

she left and she's not coming back

[Erin]

and I don't deserve the friends I had because I was never good enough

[Erin]

and I'm still not good enough

[Erin]

I keep trying to get better, to be better, to heal but I'm falling short every time

[Erin]

I'm still here

[Erin]

I hate myself so much

[Erin]

and I don't know how not to

[Erin]

but I keep trying to feel like me again

[Erin]

to feel like some version of myself that I feel like I'm losing more and more each day instead