trying to feel like me again Showing 14,401-14,450 of 14,783

[Erin]

I'm 21 years old now

[Erin]

that's amazing, isn't it

[Erin]

I survived

[Erin]

I made it though everything life threw at me

[Erin]

I'm alive

[Erin]

and if that's not something to celebrate, then I don't know what is

[Erin]

I'm still learning how to heal

[Erin]

I'm still learning how to cope

[Erin]

There will always be bad days, but living through them has a purpose

[Erin]

I'm so fucking proud of myself guys

[Erin]

I'm literally tearing the fuck up right now, I'm sorry

[Erin]

um okay to celebrate life update

[Erin]

My mom is still with Bill

[Erin]

(surprising, I know!)

[Erin]

My youngest sibling has a kid (he was born this year)

[Erin]

ummm I'm still in therapy

[Erin]

I'm still in love with that one girl I met on Goodreads forever ago but I've decided that a part of my healing journey is letting her go. Maybe we'll meet again one day but for now I need to focus on myself

[Erin]

I also went on my first date this year (trying to move on lmao but my date got back with their ex or is at least talking to them again)

[Erin]

I'm still writing

[Erin]

still in college

[Erin]

I'm moving out of my mom's in a couple of months

[Erin]

hi

[Erin]

I'm sad again

[Erin]

I'm trying to pretend like I'm not doing bad but I am

[Erin]

I thought that by the time I turned 18 I would have convinced myself I deserved to live or that I would be dead but neither of those things happened

[Erin]

I'm really scared

[Erin]

and I don't know why or what of but I am

[Erin]

my feelings haunt me

[Erin]

which isn't logical but it's true

[Erin]

I don't feel safe

[Erin]

I want out of this house

[Erin]

but at the same time I want to hide under my covers and forget the world and forget myself

[Erin]

I wish I had friends

[Erin]

like friends I wasn't avoiding

[Erin]

I feel like I'm avoiding everyone

[Erin]

I just want to breathe and to feel alive and to be okay

[Erin]

but I'm stuck

[Erin]

and I need to make a decision but I don't know how

[Erin]

so I keep coming back here

[Erin]

to this journal

[Erin]

these pages

[Erin]

hoping I can find it in myself to forgive me

[Erin]

most people don't have to forgive themselves for being a child but i need to but I don't think I'm there yet

[Erin]

I want to be and I need to be but I'm not

[Erin]

I'm falling

[Erin]

like quicksand

[Erin]

or drowning in an ocean

[Erin]

all i know is I feel like I'm suffocating

[Erin]

I feel trapped

[Erin]

in this home