it's personal discussion
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trying to feel like me again
message 14151:
by
Erin
(new)
Feb 29, 2024 08:31PM
hellooooooooooooooooo
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like I want to do and be a billion things and omg
I CAN'T SLEEP BECAUSE I'M MESSED UP IN THE END
I'M REALLY FUCKING ANGRY AND HAPPY AND SAD
AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THAT CAN BE
BECAUSE MORE THAN ANYTHING I'M ANXIOUS
THAT SOMETHING BAD IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN AND I'M GOING TO FALL FASTER THAN I'VE EVER LEARNED TO FLY
and sometimes it feels like all I am is ill
like all my dreams are going to fall a part and come crashing down and I'm going to end up stuck
and I just wish I'd stop feeling this way
but I'm scared I will always have relapses and days where my brain gets the best of me
more than anything, i wish i could be more than I am
but I also know there's a reason I'm on disability
because a part of me will always fall back to my old ways, no matter how many coping skills I learn, no matter how hard I try to be okay, no matter how much I want to be okay
a part of me will always want to self-harm
a part of me will always crave self-destruction
everyone makes mistakes, nobody's perfect
I've heard it all and it sounds like bullshit
and I'm so fucking tired of it and everything else
I wish I could give you a hug, or make you a cup of tea, or something. :(
how do you live when a part of your mind screams out you to die
how do you breathe when anxiety holds you hostage
how do you sleep when your sister's boyfriend reminds you of your trauma
and how do you move on when ptsd knocks at the door of your mind to remind you how broken you are
how do you love when you can't love yourself
how do you care about others when you don't feel like enoughhow can you like yourself if you were someone else but hate yourself for being trapped in your body
Lillian wrote: "I wish I could give you a hug, or make you a cup of tea, or something. :("thanks!!! just the thought counts
so I decided to take my meds (because I'm realistic like that)
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
30 Things I Love About Myself (other topics)Challenger Deep (other topics)
Throes (other topics)
P.S. I Still Love You (other topics)
Delirium (other topics)
