it's personal discussion
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trying to feel like me again
message 13951:
by
Erin
(new)
Nov 06, 2023 03:14PM
because we met because of my writing and I keep hoping it'll reconnect us
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I am so fucking in love with her and meanwhile she probably hates me
I'm so scared that she's dead that every single day it hurts and I blame myself
and it's been years since she vanished but I can't move on
I told her I'd be okay if she disappeared and hated me and all of that
I just want to stop caring about people who don't give a shit about me
I hate myself so much because I feel too much like my mother
I don't understand how some people can just move on so goddamn quickly
and I can keep pretending that I'm better but I'm not
I write words and feel happy and okay and then I remember her and it's like I'm destroyed all over again
every day it feels like she's leaving again
I wish I had just killed myself before I ever met her. I was so close.
I'm only alive because I met her and every time I think about that I feel so pathetic
I just wish my head would stop spinning
if she gave a shit at all or if it was all a game
I told her not to worry about it, that I didn't expect anything
she read my writing but she never read in between the lines
why doesn't anybody actually understand what I'm saying
now that I've brought her up again, it's time to move on
I've been doing live streams every single day
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
30 Things I Love About Myself (other topics)Challenger Deep (other topics)
Throes (other topics)
P.S. I Still Love You (other topics)
Delirium (other topics)
