trying to feel like me again Showing 13,651-13,700 of 14,783

[Erin]

I'll always come back and let her break me more because if she's breaking me then at least she's not hurting herself

[Erin]

and that's so fucked up

[Erin]

allowing your mother to abuse you so that she doesn't hurt herself

[Erin]

that's the kind of childhood I had

[Erin]

that's how fucked up I am

[Erin]

and my mom isn't coming home again tonight

[Erin]

but that's okay

[Erin]

I feel better when she's away

[kavi ~he-him~]

Erin!!!!

[Erin]

kavi + alex + noir ~he-him~ wrote: "Erin!!!!"

Hi!!!!!!!!!!!

[Erin]

I'm not doing too good

[Erin]

and I have a family reunion today

[Erin]

and I'm terrified

[Erin]

and I don't know what I'm doing with my life

[Erin]

I'm struggling so much and it feels like I should just give up but I can't

[Erin]

because it'll destroy the people I care about and they don't deserve that

[Erin]

and I just hate myself for still feeling this way after all this time

[Erin]

and my therapist said that most kids who are suicidal aren't suicidal adults and I'm just one of the exceptions

[Erin]

and I didn't tell her this but that just made me feel so much worse

[Erin]

and I just really want to cry

[Erin]

I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind

[Erin]

and I really don't know what to do anymore

[Erin]

also I'm in pain because my legs are messed up

[Erin]

it's not enough that I'm mentally ill I have to destroy my physical body too

[Erin]

whelp I'm a mess

[Erin]

also my family reunion was supposed to start at 12 it's 12:19 and my mom still isn't home so oof

[Erin]

idk why nobody ever bothers being on time

[Erin]

it gives me hella anxiety

[Erin]

also I'm tired of this house

[Erin]

with it's mice and bugs and toxic energy

[Erin]

I literally want to cry but I can't so I just sit here feeling sorry for myself

[Erin]

wow what a loser I am

[Erin]

ugh

[Erin]

do you ever feel like you're losing control

[Erin]

like no matter how hard you try everything keeps falling out of place

[Erin]

and it all keeps going wrong

[Erin]

but you have literally no clue how to stop it

[Erin]

or how to fix anything

[Erin]

I've been going out too much lately

[Erin]

it's good but it's bad

[Erin]

the sun makes me feel sick but at least my agoraphobia isn't keeping me hostage inside the house

[Erin]

and at least I've gotten away from my mother a little bit

[Erin]

so I thought I wasn't going back to college for now but I got a good financial aid package and now idk

[Erin]

I'm not going back to my old school though and I'm kind of sad about that

[Erin]

it's just way too expensive

[Erin]

it was like 60,000 dollars for one year and their increasing the prices for next year so i just can't

[Erin]

especially since I'm paying for it myself now because I can't ask my father for help

[Erin]

Erin wrote: "allowing your mother to abuse you so that she doesn't hurt herself"

this honestly makes me wanna cry

[Erin]

being home sucks when it just feels like a trap

[Erin]

my mother knows just how to make you feel guilty and to push you to the edge