trying to feel like me again Showing 13,351-13,400 of 14,783

[Erin]

I messed up

[Erin]

on my essay

[Erin]

by 9 points

[Erin]

because I was an idiot

[Erin]

well whatever I still did good

[Erin]

I'm just annoyed that it was by obvious things

[Erin]

I'm an English major so it's like come on Erin you're an idiot

[Erin]

oh this wasn't part of the exam btw this essay is unrelated

[Erin]

my legs keep shaking

[Erin]

and it's getting annoying

[Erin]

I just want to sit still

[Erin]

Have you ever felt like you're falling in and out of your own life

[Erin]

and like you can't stop

[Erin]

no matter how hard you try, everything just keeps falling and slipping

[Erin]

I keep falling and slipping

[Erin]

I feel lost

[Erin]

and confused

[Erin]

and just completely disoriented

[Erin]

and like I'm going to fail

[Erin]

because the only thing I'm good at is failing

[Erin]

I'm really sad these days

[Erin]

and I'm trying really hard not to be

[Erin]

I'm going to my mom's tomorrow and I need to be in a good mindset in case things get worse there

[Erin]

I need to be okay

[Erin]

but I'm not

[Erin]

and I'm scared she's going to ask

[Erin]

because she always asks

[Erin]

and I don't know how to admit to her that the feelings of me going back home are full of me feeling sick to my stomach

[Erin]

I don't know how to admit that I'm scared of her

[Erin]

of who she was and has become

[Erin]

I'll never admit these things to her anyways

[Erin]

I want to cry

[Erin]

but I don't want to fall apart

[Erin]

I wish I was stronger and braver

[Erin]

I wish I didn't feel so fucking lost

[Erin]

but I'm not and I do

[Erin]

so I'm at my mom's now

[Erin]

and it's actually been pretty okay so far

[Erin]

no fights or arguments

[Erin]

no mean comments

[Erin]

no bad thoughts

[Erin]

mostly anyways

[Erin]

I have had some tbh

[Erin]

mostly I keep making comments about me being a mistake

[Erin]

It's a thought that's kept occurring to me today

[Erin]

I don't really know why

[Erin]

It just has

[Erin]

My mom's planning on leaving later to Bill's (mom's friend/boyfriend) and me and Levi (my sibling) are planning on hanging out and watching shows and movies and playing games and stuff

[Erin]

I'm really excited about that

[Erin]

I've missed hanging out with Levi so much tbh