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trying to feel like me again
message 13051:
by
Erin
(new)
Nov 07, 2022 06:10PM
Sometimes I think I have a chance at getting better.
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or where this little spark of hope comes from but it's there
and so when I crash again and relapse it's worse every single time
because it's me disappointing myself again
it's me breaking all the promises I've made
it's me attempting to kill the girl in the mirror
because she's trying to hold on to what the younger me would have wanted
or maybe it's that both versions are me
I've realized that I need to keep wanting to get better
because if I give up on myself then that's the first step to messing things up
that's a step away from getting better ever again
and I took it this last summer up until I was hospitalized
but I was able to find a way to have hope again
I believe in myself because even if it takes my entire life I am certain that in the end it'll all have been worth it
that I'll learn what self-love is and I'll feel it and it'll stop feeling like an advertisement but be an actual real concept to me
I did one of my missing assignments and actually turned it in
I mean, I haven't done anything bad just that I'm mentally bad
I don't really care if I end up doing nothing else today just because of how I'm feeling.
2018 I couldn’t take a pillwas hoping they’d treat me with something else
2022 I could take a whole bottle
and still manage to live to tell the story
but who am I and
what story am I trying to tell?
like I'm way too aware of my thoughts
I mean, I know what I need to do but I don't know what I can do
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
30 Things I Love About Myself (other topics)Challenger Deep (other topics)
Throes (other topics)
P.S. I Still Love You (other topics)
Delirium (other topics)
