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trying to feel like me again
message 13001:
by
Erin
(new)
Oct 11, 2022 10:22AM
so that makes me sad
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and I'm not 100% better but I'm back on medication now so that's good
I don't know what to think or how to feel
When someone tells me my mother is a good mother and I just nod my head
because in the stories I tell, where she was once great, she was a good mother and I was an obedient daughter
When my sisters moved out, did she need a new target?
or have they been hurting this whole time like I have
probably the later considering it's our mother
my anxiety lives in my head rent free
I'm just a person trying to find their place in this world
"Getting hurt is a part of getting older."
do you ever feel like you're standing on a tight rope blind folded and you just have to move forward because that's all there is to it
like you can't turn around or move any other direction except forward
and there's like this heavy weight sometimes that hinders you or slows you down but you just have to keep pushing past it
Hi I'm still feeling weird but this time it's mostly just me being sentimental
She needed a friend and so did I, and I ruined that because I listened to what everyone else around me was saying, trying to fit in a world that left me isolated on the sidelines
I was young and naive
kept thinking everything needed to be more than what it was
We could've been really good friends.
But I ruined it because I hated myself back then and because now I still hate myself but my perspective is more clear
and the images of the future we imagined we'd have together were what had been keeping me going
I think we both thought the other one would catch us if we fell, that we'd act like a safety net or we'd pull the other back up before either of us could really slip away
I'm not sure how she's doing or how far she's gotten, but I hope she's happy and doing better than I am
but I'm tired of going back and forth between my thoughts
The truth is I'm always going to feel guilty for loving her and I honestly thought that if I told her and she stopped talking to me, it'd all go away. I was scared that I only loved her because she made me feel like I could love myself and I freaked out when I thought that. Because I knew she deserved more than that, more than me. I still know that. It just doesn't make missing her any less hard, you know?
Not the best but still better than most days
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
30 Things I Love About Myself (other topics)Challenger Deep (other topics)
Throes (other topics)
P.S. I Still Love You (other topics)
Delirium (other topics)
