it's personal discussion
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trying to feel like me again
message 12901:
by
Erin
(new)
Sep 11, 2022 05:02PM
but to not be able to get past the fact that you don't think you deserve better
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that you deserve to die and to hurt and to fail
because all you're ever going to be is a disappointment
do you hear people's words get repeated to you like a mantra you can't shake off
I still hear my mom telling me to kill myself
and honestly that's all I want right now
I don't even care about college right now
I'm chasing dreams of a young girl who fucking died already
because I feel obligated to try and keep her alive
I had a really bad panic attack yesterday and I cut
and then I had another panic attack before I went to sleep
Erin wrote: "I had a really bad panic attack yesterday and I cut"it wasn't deep or anything though. I managed to stop myself before I could draw blood so it wasn't bad
The problem is that I've been thinking about self-harm every single day for the past week and it took so much effort to convince myself not to go any further
I should've just killed myself when she told me to
Living is so hard when all you want to do is die
I'm forcing myself to get help again.
Anyways, I'm just going to go for now and try to calm the fuck down
Life hurts. No doubt. You DO deserve to be here. *hugs*
Karen wrote: "Life hurts. No doubt. You DO deserve to be here. *hugs*"Thanks *hugs back*
You'd think after spending my life watching people tear themselves a part I'd not want to do it to others
If those aren't signs I don't know what is
because if it was I wouldn't be having this problem
I have watched too many good people go through way worse
this is about me never going to be able to function
this is about the fact that I am always going to relapse
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
30 Things I Love About Myself (other topics)Challenger Deep (other topics)
Throes (other topics)
P.S. I Still Love You (other topics)
Delirium (other topics)
