trying to feel like me again Showing 12,701-12,750 of 14,783

[Erin]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5Ije...

[Erin]

two really good songs by a great artist <3

[Alia ~you are not your anxiety~]

WAIT you're a divergent fan?! oh my gosh what faction lol? I got rid of factions in the latest rendition but I still love the fact I birthed it from divergent

[Erin]

yessss!! Erudite, what about you??? and oooh I love that

[Alia ~you are not your anxiety~]

DUDE ME TOO MAYBE YOU NEED TO READ MY STUFF

[Alia ~you are not your anxiety~]

it's literally all focused on erudite

[Erin]

OMG I'D LITERALLY LOVE TO READ IT AND OOOH

[Erin]

I'm doing really fucking bad

[Erin]

like I completely hate my mother right now

[Erin]

and I've been trying not to think about it

[Erin]

but she could've sent him away and didn't

[Erin]

she's the reason why he's back

[Erin]

in fiction I can kill of the rapist and make bad things happen to them

[Erin]

in real life they're fucking alive and getting to see their kids again

[Erin]

do you wanna know why I love writing

[Erin]

because it makes things better

[Erin]

because it makes me better

[Erin]

but out there in reality I can't sleep when my nonbinary sibling goes to his house for a weekend without having nightmares

[Erin]

In reality I can see myself killing him

[Erin]

I was just a kid back then

[Erin]

when he put my sister through hell

[Erin]

and tore our family a part

[Erin]

and now he’s come back

[Erin]

like he’s done nothing wrong

[Erin]

but he did

[Erin]

and so did my mother

[Erin]

My sister tried to kill herself when she found out he was dating my mom

[Erin]

Her boyfriend had to break through the bathroom door

[Erin]

and I hate myself for not being there for her during that time

[Erin]

for being the one who was so fucked up even though she's the one who went through it

[Erin]

sometimes I want to kill my mother but I don't

[Erin]

because she should learn to live with her bad decisions

[Erin]

but honestly she fucked me up

[Erin]

really bad

[Erin]

because all I can hear is her voice telling me to kill myself over and over again

[Erin]

and she says she didn't mean it but that didn't stop ,me from trying to take my life countless times

[Erin]

she wants to know why all her children are screwed up

[Erin]

she should look in the fucking mirror

[Erin]

you would think a man hurting her daughter would make her not cling to men to make her feel better but no

[Erin]

she's way too reliant on guys that couldn't give a fuck

[Erin]

and their doing fucking fireworks again

[Erin]

I fucking hate this place

[Erin]

and I hate having sensory issues

[Erin]

and I hate my parents

[Erin]

and I still wish I was dead

[Erin]

but that would screw up my siblings even more so I'm forced to fucking live a life that at one point I would have wanted

[Erin]

I don't feel happy at all

[Erin]

I feel fucking angry and sad and scared of myself

[Erin]

I shouldn't fucking be like this

[Erin]

Nobody should