trying to feel like me again Showing 12,451-12,500 of 14,783

[Erin]

It's completely mine

[Erin]

I hate myself so much

[Erin]

I used to love little things about myself but not anymore

[Erin]

I'm so fucking scared and I'm sorry

[Erin]

I know this is all triggering but I don't know what else I can do

[Erin]

I'm sorry

[Erin]

The truth is I’m never going to stop wanting to kill myself until I actually kill myself.

[Lillian]

Erin I know you cant see it in yourself right now but you are amazing. You are kind and sarcastic and funny and you want to make other people laugh even if you're hurting. You are so strong and I know you dont feel like it, but you are. You have been fighting for so long. I believe in you Erin. Your family and all their drama will not always surround you. Please don't stop fighting because I know that 10 years from now you're going to be so proud of yourself and I want you to be able to have that day where you look back and think 'I'm so glad I kept going.' I know you're tired and I know that you're scared and I know you just want it to be over, but please don't give in. You are an incredible person even if you can't see that right now. I'm so blessed to call you a friend. If I had the ability I would do anything you needed me to help you right now, but all I can do is send messages like this. I don't know if it helps but I really do think you're spectacular.

[Erin]

Thank you so much, that all really means a lot to me! I love you ❤️

[Erin]

Ahhh

[Erin]

Yesterday was my birthday haha

[Erin]

It was okay

[Erin]

My neighbors caused me to have a panic attack though

[Lillian]

Erin wrote: "Thank you so much, that all really means a lot to me! I love you ❤️"

I love you too ❤ Also, happy belated birthday! 🥳

[Erin]

Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "Thank you so much, that all really means a lot to me! I love you ❤️"

I love you too ❤ Also, happy belated birthday! 🥳"

Thank you! <3

[Erin]

So I did a thing admitting I did another thing even though I told myself I wouldn't because I didn't want to trigger anyone but I'm a writer and I needed to get it out so I did the thing but I just put it on my writing journal so it's fine. Don't read it if you're struggling with depression right now or in general because I'm a mess

[Erin]

I'm tired

[Erin]

I agreed to writing a letter to my birth dad and I'm not looking forward to writing it

[Erin]

I don't know why I agreed

[Erin]

Oh right I'm technically graduated from high school now

[Erin]

I didn't go to my graduation

[Erin]

I was in the hospital but I wasn't planning on going anyways

[Erin]

It doesn't really feel like it

[Erin]

But I haven't been in school for months now because I finished my work early

[Erin]

So it also feels like I graduated ions ago lol

[Erin]

Hiiiiiiii

[Erin]

I screwed things up today as per usual

[Erin]

I'm so angry with myself

[Erin]

It feels like I'm that way all the time lately

[Erin]

Shit shit shit shit

[Erin]

I'm doing bad again

[Erin]

It's not my fault

[Erin]

I just need to remember that

[Erin]

It's not my fault I have PTSD or anxiety or that loud things bother me

[Erin]

It's not my fault other people are assholes

[Erin]

They're assholes

[Erin]

I just need to remember that

[Erin]

All I wanted was quiet on my birthday

[Erin]

I fucking hate my birthday

[Erin]

I wish I was dead

[Erin]

Then none of this would have happened

[Erin]

I should have killed myself five years ago

[Erin]

I can't handle this

[Erin]

They do fireworks and they shoot their guns

[Erin]

and I cry on my bedroom floor

[Erin]

And the dog's making it worse

[Erin]

Did you guys know I have a dog

[Erin]

His name is Lucky

[Erin]

And he's white and black

[Erin]

And he's like a Chihuahua mixed with something