it's personal discussion
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trying to feel like me again
message 12151:
by
Erin
(new)
Jan 29, 2022 08:32PM
I just want to be able to feel safe in my own home
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I feel like I should be able to feel that
Like that's a right everyone deserves
So why do so many people not feel safe
Because some people are just monsters and you can't change that
I just don't want to feel scared anymore
a part of me wishes that there was something really wrong with me
another part of me wishes for it because if something is too wrong it might be my way of escaping
sometimes it gets so bad, it feels like I'm dying
I've been avoiding doctors and hospitals
I feel like I've spent too much time in there and I'm scared that if I go back, they'll see through me and keep me again
my mom keeps trying to get me to talk to her lately but I can't
she pushes and pushes but I'm unable to talk to her
she wanted to hug me and I started freaking out
and she's not as bad as she used to be
some days it's fine and I'm able to talk to her and we're fine
I remember that I love her and I don't feel anxious
I can't talk to her or look at her without feeling sick
I know I should get over myself already
accept what happened and move forward
Everything in my head feels so disoriented and I can't remember how much is real
I still haven't talked to my therapist and honestly that frustrates me
and I hate that I'm worried about her
because she's the one not doing her job
It's the feeling of abandonment all over again
I want to tell her that I'm done playing her games
but if she never calls then I'll never be able to talk to her
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
30 Things I Love About Myself (other topics)Challenger Deep (other topics)
Throes (other topics)
P.S. I Still Love You (other topics)
Delirium (other topics)
