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trying to feel like me again
message 11851:
by
Erin
(new)
Dec 11, 2021 08:41PM
we made plans
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we were always destined for the silence that follows a goodbye
the only difference was we didn't get to say goodbye
one moment in which the one I called my world, my universe, simply disappeared
It sent me into relapsing into old habits and needing to be hospitalized
It made me realize I was becoming my mother
she'll never understand why I tried to kill myself
or how I'm really trying to get passed all of that
she doesn't understand that I love her but I can't call her a good mother
she told me to go ahead and kill myself once, then later when I asked her about it she told me it was to teach me a lesson
she used to yell at me to stop crying
and I try so hard to be fine but I'm not
and on here I know it doesn't seem like I try to be fine at all but irl it's different
and she's both sad and okay with it which is you know the norm I guess
Lillian wrote: "*hugs* can I help?"*hugs back* No, it's okay :) I'll be fine.
I just have to endure being here for the rest of this month.
and I just wanna write but the words aren't really flowing
not whatever I write on this mess haha
this is something I wrote the other day, the last piece of fiction I wrote and I don't like it very much but it's something:Heroes are often said to have sacrificed themselves for the greater good. This is not that. This is not some story of some great heroic act that saved the world. She didn’t save anyone. In fact, she left them all to die. She left me to die. This is that story.
I remember the begging. I held her hand tightly, not ready to face a future without her. “Don’t go. Please don’t go. Don’t leave me behind. There’s ought to be another way, a better way, one where you don’t have to exist inside that thing for eternity.” I was desperate, saying anything that I thought might convince her to stay.
“There isn’t.” Her voice was soft, her words were cold.
I remember my attempts at negotiating. “Then let me come with you. Let’s spend eternity together.”
“As romantic as that sounds, only one person can bear the curse. Which means only one person can enter.”
“What if there’s a way to split it, to absorb it? Isn’t that worth investigating?”
“Not if it means delaying this any further. We’re done here.”
I remember the final hug, me clinging onto her, not willing to let her go. She yelled at our comrades to take me. I remember wondering why they were supporting her on this, why nobody listened to me, and the possibility that there could be other possibilities.
I remember my comrades holding me back and dragging me away from the very thing that was about to take her soul, her life, her very existence from the world. They pushed me to the ground. I lifted my head up, and saw her running, running toward her death. She didn’t look back.
I remember them letting go of me, thinking I was fine, thinking my resistance would be over. I remember getting up. I remember running toward the portal. I remember the people who were supposed to be my comrades grasping their nails into my skin, pulling my hair, doing anything to keep me here. I remember the rage. I remember the surge of power that went throughout my body. I remember the screams of thousands of soldiers, facing the portal in case things went wrong, ready for anything. Or almost anything. They weren’t ready for me.
I killed them all.
I made my way toward the portal, but I didn’t have to go very far. The portal came to me. I held up my hand, directing my rage at the portal. Why didn’t it close when she went through? Was her sacrifice for nothing? All these questions burned through my mind, and suddenly the portal was no more. In a blink of an eye, I had burned everything, everyone for miles.
*after this post it's not letting me comment so welp
I just wanted to say I hate this piece of work lmao
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
30 Things I Love About Myself (other topics)Challenger Deep (other topics)
Throes (other topics)
P.S. I Still Love You (other topics)
Delirium (other topics)
