trying to feel like me again Showing 11,601-11,650 of 14,783

[Erin]

ugh

[Erin]

I'm trying to hate myself less

[Erin]

Hint: It's not working.

[Erin]

Lillian wrote: "Yay, I'm so happy you got i to college!!🥳"

Thanks!!!! Me too! Sort of! I have mixed feelings

[Erin]

Gotta go

[Erin]

Imma go play videogames with my brother and then cry at midnight

[Hallie]

Erin wrote: "I got into college"

Congratulations!

[Erin]

Lillian wrote: "Mixed feelings about college? What's up with that? You wanna talk about it?"

Yeah, I'm not really sure. Maybe it's because it's something that my younger self really wanted and so much has happened since I first decided I wanted to go to college, and I honestly thought I'd be "better" by now in terms of my mental health. Although I now know that it's something I'm always going to struggle with and always something I'll have to work on, I still just feel conflicted with myself. I don't know if I'm making any sense. I'm sorry.

[Erin]

Hallie wrote: "Erin wrote: "I got into college"

Congratulations!"

Thanks!

[Erin]

okay I'm back to being excited about college just for the moment

[Erin]

If I decide to go to the one I got in first, I'll be studying English

[Erin]

I always said I wouldn't but come on

[Erin]

It's my passion

[Erin]

I think I might minor in Education

[Erin]

I'm not completely sure yet though

[Erin]

At some of the other schools I've applied to my major is Education or English Education

[Erin]

Obviously, I want to be an English teacher or something like that

[Erin]

My college application essay was actually about my mental hospital stays and what I've learned from them and about myself through all of that

[Erin]

I am honestly still in love with my essay haha

[Erin]

okay I'm back to being conflicted

[Erin]

wow that took 8 minutes lmao

[Erin]

I'm staying in state for my sister when all I ever wanted to do was get as far away from my family as possible

[Erin]

and it's not because of them

[Erin]

it's all me

[Erin]

and the things that concern me are all in my head

[Erin]

but they're also real concerns

[Erin]

I'd sacrifice my everything for any of them

[Erin]

I've done it before and I'd do it again

[Erin]

and I can't keep doing it

[Erin]

It's killing me at this point

[Erin]

I feel the need to save everyone but I'm killing myself at the same time

[Erin]

I've been to way too many hospitals in a short amount of time because I start collapsing when there's too much pressure put on my shoulders

[Erin]

I've worked my ass of the last few years at a job that treats me like crap and then gives me extra money to keep me only for all my managers to leave the moment somebody else takes over

[Erin]

I say I love my job

[Erin]

I do but I shouldn't

[Erin]

I'm used to being hurt which is why it was so easy to stay

[Erin]

Everybody else left me but I stayed

[Erin]

and now there's a minor asking and complaining to make 12 an hour when I'm an adult and worked there a lot longer and I had only recently started making 11

[Erin]

like shut the fuck up

[Erin]

sit down and actually earn your place

[Erin]

ask for a raise but don't demand two more than you're making already

[Erin]

you're not their priority

[Erin]

Their workers never are

[Erin]

and that's so fucked up

[Erin]

but it's why nobody sticks around

[Erin]

I'm stresssssssssed

[Erin]

I need to find a place and a new job by the end of the month

[Erin]

I don't know what to do

[Erin]

would I make a terrible teacher

[Erin]

that thought scares me