it's personal discussion
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trying to feel like me again
message 11251:
by
Erin
(new)
Sep 14, 2021 11:45AM
so welp
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I'll just keep getting angry at myself for eating way too many pizza rolls and then keep eating them anyways
I changed my title again but it's only because I change it to whatever line gets stuck in my head
but I just got a bunch more junk mail from colleges yay
I signed up for way too many my freshman year and I just kept adding it up over the years
I'm planning on making a collage of my top picks to help me decide
first decision should I stay in-state or leave
but there's also scholarships if I get any
I wonder if I'll end up having to take out a loan for college, that's what my sister almost did
my mom keeps taking my money so I haven't been able to save anything
but I also gotta pay attention to deadlines
I think I'll start making a calendar and putting deadlines in it
I'm in the mood to write now because I feel sad and like I want to turn my feelings into prose
I just wrote a mess of words and they were all like in a letter form and weird and not good writing quality whatsoever but just a mess of emotionally sad family shit lmao
I posted it on my writing journal so it's not on this one which I had almost totally forgotten I had but I was looking through the journals the other day, saw it and remembered haha
I think my therapist is standing me up again
It's like I should be used to this but it hurts every time
It makes me feel like I shouldn't be here
If even my own therapist won't talk to me- I mean what's the point
what's the point in trying to get better if everything is going to always be this stupid
I write badly and cry at the same time
crying because my therapist doesn't show up
It was supposed to be a song but I didn't get very far
I'll finish it later when I'm not like this
right so life update:-mom's ex keep showing up at my job
- mom told me they were going to try to be friends after he was being all creepy toward her before
- found out he has a girlfriend
- he's a pig
- mom broke up with her boyfriend who's now her ex but not the one mentioned above the one above used to stalk our family, I'm thinking he's staring shit again
- I'm thinking about moving out. My boss offered me a room at her place (it's not as weird as it sounds, we're close-ish)
- the ish makes it sound bad so let me explain- I mean she knows about my situation, we get along, and she's like my work mom
- I say ish because I don't know a whole lot about her life outside of work
- oh and even if I do move out I'm not sure I'll move in with my boss. I may just move out on my own or wait until I graduate and move in with my sister
- mentally drained
- physically terrible my body aches and I have this weird gagging thing
- school's a mess I'm super behind
- currently debating on going to homecoming
- and pizza rolls are my life which I think I mentioned before but it's still accurate so I'm adding it
- I had a little over $1000 in my account at one point this month. I'm somehow down for 600 now though so welp it didn't last long
okay there's probably other stuff but I want pizza rolls now so Imma go
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
30 Things I Love About Myself (other topics)Challenger Deep (other topics)
Throes (other topics)
P.S. I Still Love You (other topics)
Delirium (other topics)
