it's personal discussion
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trying to feel like me again
message 10751:
by
Erin
(new)
May 12, 2021 02:18PM
Ew
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Lillian wrote: "Happy birthday! I hope you feel better soon!"Thanks <3
ironically I haven't been able to write since she left
and writing about her sucks but I think it's what I'm going to have to do
I've been drinking a lot of different stuff
energy drinks and things with lots of sugar
I didn't get to tell my therapist what I wanted to say
I'm struggling. I've been struggling with the fact that I'm still struggling and I've been feeling like a failure and it's been triggering major flashbacks out of me. I hate my job. I hate school. I hate being alive and waking up and going to sleep. I hate my peers and myself and everything and everybody around me
I'm so fucking unhappy and everything I've ever loved isn't me
I live off of other people based on what I see them doing see them reacting and feeling
I just want to go away for a long time
and to not give a damn about what other people are thinking
I think I need to be hospitalized because I don't feel safe but I can't go to the hospital
it's hilarious how I still think about her
I'm sorrythat I held onto you
way longer than I should've
way longer than you wanted
and I know there's nothing I could say
to erase all of this pain
to make everything feel better
There's no bandaid for your mind
There's no bandaid for your heart
and I'm not your savior
no, not here to save you
but I can't lie
I'll always be here waiting for you
hoping you'll come back
say you're sorry for how you left
say you missed me
say you gave a damn
but you had to go
did you have to go
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
30 Things I Love About Myself (other topics)Challenger Deep (other topics)
Throes (other topics)
P.S. I Still Love You (other topics)
Delirium (other topics)
