trying to feel like me again Showing 10,451-10,500 of 14,783

[Erin]

I wanna make an impact on this world

[Erin]

wanna be crazy enough to fix this crazy world and make it into something great

[Erin]

make it beautiful again

[Erin]

make it humane where nobody discriminates because that's bullshit

[Erin]

we should be past this by now

[Erin]

why aren't we

[Erin]

why do we keep going back

[Erin]

I'm changing topics now but urgh

[Erin]

I'm so fucking angry right now

[Erin]

my birth dad who is a fucking terrible person is going to be spending the night tonight

[Erin]

and I'm just really freaking angry about it

[Erin]

because I hate him

[Erin]

and I don't want to see him

[Erin]

I want nothing to do with him

[Erin]

my mom's letting my older sister's abuser spend the night like wtf

[Erin]

honestly

[Erin]

every second longer I live here the more I'm growing to hating her

[Erin]

Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "my mom's letting my older sister's abuser spend the night like wtf"

WHAT?!"

yeah, exactly that.

[Erin]

for those wondering

- yes my mom knows what he's done
- no he isn't currently abusing my sister because my mom divorced him as soon as she found out and my sister doesn't live with us anymore as she's now an adult. (she was a child when it happened).
- him not being found guilty doesn't excuse my mother's action when the reasoning was that the case was throughout multiple states and because my sister didn't want to see him

[Erin]

also in case it wasn't clear yes my sister's abuser is my fucking father

[Erin]

my mom's new strategy lately is threatening me with physical abuse as if the emotional isn't enough

is it bad i wish she physically abused me so everybody would stop calling me dramatic

[Erin]

yeah it is

[Erin]

I don't even care that I'm saying shit that upsets her anymore

[Erin]

I'm numb to her

[Erin]

she's pissed me off and made me feel like shit way too many times

[Erin]

I still love her but I also hate her

[Erin]

and when I leave this place I'm not looking back

[Erin]

I'm nt going to ever talk to her again

[Erin]

I'm not going to visit her

[Erin]

or come to the hospital if she ever gets hurt

[Erin]

and I'm not going to her funeral

[Erin]

she's made me want nothing to do with my family

[Erin]

the only ones I love really or care about are my sisters

[Erin]

tell me I'm going to change my mind, tell me I'm just saying this because I'm a teenager- somebody come at me and I fucking swear I won't feel anything

[Erin]

I'm tired of feeling sorry for her

[Erin]

for myself

[Erin]

I'm leaving as soon as fucking possible

[Erin]

even if it means dropping school

[Erin]

even if it means I have to runaway because she wants to move in with him

[Erin]

I'd do anything to never see him

[Erin]

that's how fucking fucked up all of this is

[Erin]

and you know what

[Erin]

yeah i might be mentally insane and going crazy and having a bunch of mental health problems but at least I'm not in love with my sister's abuser

[Erin]

at least I don't hit my mom or threaten her

[Erin]

I easily could

[Erin]

but I don't

[Erin]

because unlike her I'm not a total bitch

[Erin]

Lillian wrote: "Erin wrote: "my mom's new strategy lately is threatening me with physical abuse as if the emotional isn't enough

is it bad i wish she physically abused me so everybody would stop calling me dramat..."

right?? and they call me a spoiled brat and acts like my mom gives me everything

[Erin]

she's given me the basic necessities which I know is more than most and I'm thankful for that but me talking back to her isn't because I'm spoiled, it's because I've been emotionally abused for fucking years now and I grew up watching the people I love show aggression

[Erin]

AGAIN AT LEAST I'M NOT FUCKING abusing people